Auburn Gal Always

This is what brings me back to blogging

2010-03-03T09:19:00.000-08:00

http://www.haveanepiphanie.com/home/2010/2/28/epiphanie-give-away.html

I want one of the awesome camera bags. I hate my current, 15 year-old, fugly, Tamarac box-shaped one.

If you're reading this, Santa, I'd love any style.

Really, any one of them would rock!

But I think Ginger is my favorite.

wait just a minute

2009-08-01T20:20:00.000-07:00

For your viewing pain, a very badly exposed family portrait from aboard the Mobile Bay Ferry.

**

I realized today what is the source of my strange feeling of loneliness. It's interesting how expressing myself in this way provides a feeling of companionship.

I miss my blog.

Last weekend, The Mighty Hunter looked for some lost something or other in the barn. Our barn is a refuge for our flea-bag dogs and cat. So, their fleas take a break from the heat by jumping off the animals for a while, (meaning our barn is full of fleas.)

anyhoo

The Mighty Hunter returned from the barn with a few very unwanted hitch-hikers. After helping him pick several fleas off him, while he stood on the driveway in his underwear (and resisting the terrible urge to spray Off! down said underwear) I have been "feeling" fleas on me.

For almost a week, I feel a little tickle on my toe or my ankle or my calf and am convinced that it is a flea. I actually sat and stared at the big toe on my right foot to try to catch the little bugger ON MY TOE and VIOLENTLY KILL IT.

There was nothing on my toe. I watched my toe.

And watched my toe.

It tickled.

Nothing was there.

Tonight, it's my left ankle.

Yesterday, I did, however, find the Terrible Fuzz Flea on my hip and took out my vengeance and insanity on it.

I choose to ignore the fact that the Terrible Fuzz Flea is harmless. I choose to focus on the positive feelings of achievement and relief and brutality that I am swimming in.

As you can see, I haven't changed very much. I'm still crazy.

But I'm the funny, harmless kind of crazy.

pardon the interruption

2009-06-15T07:06:00.000-07:00

Today is the final (hopefully) hearing regarding The Mighty Hunter's bankruptcy. Please pray that the judge will approve the settlement and sign the orders and stick the proverbial fork in it.

Hopefully we will get a phone call from our attorney this evening with the good news. Then 10 days from now, we will begin again.

Hopefully.

Prayerfully.

Thankfully.

ps: Sissy made all-stars!

Everything

2009-06-03T17:12:00.000-07:00

The silence. It is deafening, no?

I covet mowing my yard. It is 90 minutes of peace and quiet - except for me singing at the top of my lungs to my iPod, which no one else can hear but that doesn't matter. Last week, before mowing, I had to rebuild my mowing playlist.

Yes, I have a playlist with songs specifically chosen for mowing the yard.

Shut up.

As God would have it, my playlist changed some. I couldn't remember exactly which songs were there before. I did remember to NOT include John Mellencamp's "Cherry Bomb." The snare drum rim-shot that starts it scares the crap out of me every single time. I can imagine The Mighty Hunter inside, seeing me jump out of my skin and looking around me for what in the world I could have run over with the mower and then giggling at myself.

But a song I added in was Avalon's "Everything to Me." This is a song with a message that is so similar to my own childhood and life. At least I wish it were that way.

There just isn't a song about a person who grew up in church, was taught the Necessary and Important Things in Life. Led to a saving relationship in Jesus. Turned away for a few years to determine if it was the life she really wanted. Then half-heartedly returned to live for her Lord and Savior.

Yessiree, Bob. I can talk the talk. But I'm not walking the walk.

"and looking back over my life at the end,

I'll gonna meet You

saying You've been

Everything to me"

I sing those words, blades whirring, grass flying and I cry. Weep. I truly FEEL them in the bottom of my heart. In that heart, I know that Jesus is the most important thing. In my life, I am not living it in any way that would make anyone realize He lives in my heart. Forget that. No one would even guess that I even know His name.

We all have gods in our lives. Some of us have God in our lives. Some of us with God in our lives allow other things to become gods. And there is not enough room for God and any other gods in one's heart.

I have allowed many things to push God out of my life.

Instead of reading my Bible, I read blogs.

Instead of praying, I watch tv.

Instead of listening for Him to speak to me, I talk on the phone.

Instead of raising my children to know Him like I do, I have neglected my responsibility as their first and most important teacher.

Instead of being the wife He has called me to be, I look voyeuristically at my friends' lives on Facebook.

Instead of spending time in church, I sleep late or make any excuse necessary to not go.

Instead of living a life that might be an example to those who do not know Him and His incredible love, I have lived a life just like theirs.

Not only is my spiritual life a mess, my home is an equal wreck.

Lucky's bedroom is full of boxes of files.

Sissy's room is a disorganized scramble of stuffed animals, puzzle pieces, Hannah Montana/Barbie shoes and toy horses.

The Mighty Hunter's and my bedroom is inadequately prepared for his suitcases when he is home from work.

This summer, I will make some very important changes in my life.

I will spend time in His Word. I will pray more. I will find a church that meets my needs and where I can contribute to His kingdom and my children will be nurtured and taught. I will teach my children the priorities that I have neglected for too long. I will devote myself to be a better wife. I will "get a handle" on my home and become the manager that my family needs and deserves.

I will blog less, if at all.

I have reduced my Google Reader list to my 7 absolute favorite blogs. The rest, while dear to my heart for their particular flavor and style message, don't need me to continue to be good bloggers.

I will post photos when I get a free minute. I understand that I just can't instantly withdraw you from my dangerously cute kids. Sorry for the inevitable DTs.

If you want to keep up with me, find me on Facebook. I'll pop in there from time to time.

I love blogging. It helps me to make sense of the thoughts and ideas and concerns and gripes and worries and frustrations and joys and wonders and tragedies of my life.

I don't know how I would have gotten through the closing of our business last Fall without being able to pour my very heart out here to y'all. The kind, loving and supportive comments I received were just the prescription my hurting heart and pride needed.

::Do you want to know what I've learned about financial crises? Big deal! If the worst case is that you have to file bankruptcy, then suck it up and get a lawyer. Bankruptcy sucks, but it really is not the end of the world.::

This summer will be a busy one - even if I weren't tackling the disaster that is my life.

Until next Wednesday, Sissy is taking swimming lessons. She still has 3 softball games left. It is a possibility she will be chosen for All-Stars. The 3rd week of June, VBS starts, but we will miss most of it as we are going to Dauphin Island for a few days. The last week of June is soccer camp.

We will be going back to DI for the 4th of July. Later in July, Sissy, Lucky and I will probably be flying to wherever The Mighty Hunter will be working and will spend time with him, exploring as best we can.

Sissy is in the local library summer reading program and has already read 3 dozen books. Including The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe! We're starting Prince Caspian tonight. We checked out 24 more books today. Her goal is to read 4 books each day. If you're keeping count, that means we're going back for more Monday or Tuesday.

She has also set a goal to learn the names, spelling, capitals and location of all 5o states.

We are hoping to do some exploring in our local area also. My brother (who is doing fairly well, btw) works for NASA and can get us free passes to the Space and Rocket Center in Huntsville. We are thinking of going next Thursday.

My dad has a tumor on his right auditory nerves. It is possibly a meningioma (yes, the same tumor as what my mother had on her spine. and yes, I'm beginning to wonder when all the neurological problems will leave my family alone!) The neurosurgeon told him today that a radiation-type of surgery will be the best treatment. (It drives me bonkers that I don't know the NAME AND SPELLING AND EVERY DETAIL because I didn't go to the doctor's appointment and relied on Mom and Dad to listen and get the information. Don't they know I NEED TO KNOW EXACTLY EVERYTHING??? I even offered to listen in to the consultation via cell phone.) Anyway, the treatment/surgery will take 6-9 months and may begin as early as the 3rd week of June. "Traditional" surgery will likely cause him to have a significant facial stroke and permanent hearing loss in that ear. I am only beginning to think of all the ways this will impact my parents. My dad does not handle "rest" or "relaxation" or "recovery" or "recuperation" well at all. My ADD is just an itch compared to his never-ending mental rabbit-chase.

"Squirrel!!!"

So, I ask that you not forget me.

But more than that, I ask that you pray for me and my family.

Each of you who have read and commented on this here blawg have reached out and hugged me in a very personal - albeit, geeky - way. And, I pray for each of you.

God bless.

And I hope He is everything to you too.

If you give a kid an ear infection...

2009-05-22T08:34:00.000-07:00

I had this idea of how to tell you about the Week of the Ruptured Ear Drum in a whole "If you give a mouse a cookie" voice.

Except I'm just so dad-gummed tired that I can't make it work.

Basically, it would have gone something like this...

Sunday afternoon crying, "something must be wrong" behavior
night-time fever
Monday morning ear infection
$15 copay
$43 in prescriptions
alternating tylenol and ibuprofen for 3 days
crying
clinging
screaming
liquid diet
a few goldfish crackers
a few saltine crackers
sleepus interruptus
Wednesday night better sleep
Thursday morning yellow, draining ear
ear wax/pus crustiness on beautiful new comforter
$15 copay
$30 in prescription
cancel swimming lessons to begin in 10 days
forget to buy more tylenol and ibuprofen and water-proof ear plugs for bathtime
crying
clinging
fever is gone
puking up bright RED slushy-type drink Grandmother gave him
eating 12 "chicky balls" (aka popcorn chicken)
falls asleep at 7:30pm
optimism about night's sleep
11:30pm wakes up and wants to get in Thinking Chair and play
screams when Mommy lovingly brushes his ear
tylenol and ibuprofen alternating again
refusal to go back to sleep in the bed
will only sleep in the recliner
wakes up in recliner
refuses to sleep in recliner
will only sleep in bed
wakes up in bed
refuses to sleep in bed
will only sleep in recliner
wakes up in recliner
refuses to sleep in recliner
will only sleep in bed
8:30am phone wakes up Mommy
9am kid wakes up
crying
clinging
liquid diet
doesn't want to watch Blue's Clues or Handy Manny or Backyardigans or Hip Hop Harry or Phineas and Ferb or - wait! Pink Panther! yup! will watch Pink Panther
contentedly sits with Sissy
ear is crusted with nasty stuff
Mommy doesn't care

Ruptured Ear Drum

2009-05-21T08:28:00.000-07:00

And on my beautiful new dry-clean-only comforter too.

Did you know that ear wax can be lemon yellow? Yessirree!

Treading Water

2009-05-20T13:52:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow is the last day of second grade for Sissy.

Dear Lord, help me. My little girl is growing up.

The Mighty Hunter and I were talking about surreal it is that our children are growing up. It's the kind of experience where you are intellectually aware that a certain event will occur or a period of time will pass, yet you are unaware of the the event's approach or the passage of that time.

Suddenly, she is 8 1/2.

As he put it, we're halfway through our time with her.

I cried.

It was very inconsiderate of him to say such a thing.

Lucky has a raging ear infection. Sunday afternoon, he began the pitiful act. During the night, he ran a fever. Monday morning, we stalked the doctor's office, waiting for them to arrive after dropping their own children off at school. We walked in and begged attention. His left ear looked very bad. The pharmacy was $44 richer after our 2 prescriptions.

Welcome to the reality of penicillin allergies.

He is still not much better. His fever is controlled by tylenol and ibuprofen, but when they wear off, he is miserable. Crying. Wailing. Tossing. Turning. Clinging. While they're active in his body, you'd never guess he was sick, except for tiring a little easier than normal.

He has hardly eaten this whole week. Today: some fish crackers, 2 banana popsicles, half cup of chocolate milk, cup of apple juice, cup of Sprite, and is now eating an apple.

The Mighty Hunter flew to Seattle last night. He tried to arrange for me to visit him this coming weekend. I just wasn't willing or ready to ask someone to keep the kids for 4-5 days. I also am not ready to leave Lucky for that long. He hasn't been away from me for more than 24 hours at a stretch yet. He's mommy's shadow.

Soon, we'll have enough frequent flier miles that all 3 of us can fly to see him and have a nice visit away from home.

My neck and shoulders are so tired and achy from holding the 35 lb boy up close and rocking him and hugging him and consoling him. I'm also more than a little sleep-deprived from his waking and not being able to rest well.

Dear Lord, please help us both to rest well tonight.

My friends are separating tomorrow. My heart breaks for all of them. They are turning the world upside down on those kids.

If I had a pillow right now, I'd be asleep.

Southern Goodness

2009-05-19T10:06:00.000-07:00

When all else fails, post a video.

Brother's Day

2009-05-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

Because I can't seem to put thoughts together, Sissy is guest-blogging for me today.

And she is sharing her slide-show creation in honor of Brother's Day, 2009.

What? Your calendar didn't have "Brother's Day" on it?

hmmmmm......

Oh, well. Enjoy this anyway. It's guaranteed to make you smile.

I blame Facebook

2009-05-12T16:44:00.000-07:00

Blogging has been a wonderful way for me to vent my frustrations and express myself through words. I've enjoyed it a lot. I've had my high and low spots and haven't deleted a single post. Oh, I'm sure there are some posts that really ought to be deleted and shredded and hit with a Klingon disruptor ray. Yet they're still there, for whatever reason.

But Facebook is killing my blogging instincts.

It just fits so nicely with my ADD, that I just have nothing left for here.

Oh, I've got ideas.

I've got photos in my head that I want to take and describe.

I've got funny stories to tell.

But I just can't seem to keep my head in one place long enough to do more than this whiny post about not being able to compose a real post.

So, bear with me. I'll be back. New and Improved. or not.

Whatever.

Right now, The Mighty Hunter is here and I really want to spend time with him and the kids.

Oh! And the kids? They've been in rare hysterical form. I wish I could capture all their adorable cuteness and humor forever. I try, but batteries need recharging and dvd's need replacing and, well, I forget!

Just remember I love each every three of you.

On a weather/softball updatey note: it has rained out several games. Sissy finally got to play yesterday - in the rain, go figure! They lost to the Steroid Girls 6-1, which is better than their previous losses of 13-2 and 14-3. Sissy went 2 for 3, with a single and a solo homerun. She did her best yet at 3rd base; she just needs to remember to TAG THE RUNNER AT THE PLATE!!!!

7 more days of school, and then we get to sleep late for 2 months!

Will this year be any better?

2009-05-10T06:33:00.000-07:00

9 years ago today, I peed on a stick and the sleep-deprivation began.

Last year, I was treated to a hectic lunch at Ryan's Steakhouse Buffet Madness. I did not enjoy it. Something Ryan's uses causes me, um, stomach "distress". I lovingly refer to it and Krystal as "gut bombs." The Mighty Hunter sat at the end of the table and talked to his aunt and uncle while I tried to eat 3 bites while feeding the then 1 y-o and escort the then 7 y-o to and from the buffet for her 4th helping of corn.

I don't think I had 3 bites.

I do know that when I came back from our 3rd trip for corn, my plate had been removed by the over-zealous server.

The Mighty Hunter was surprised when I "expressed" my Frustrations and Disappointment and HUNGER.

But, hey, if I didn't get 3 bites, then the likelihood of the gut bomb's explosive nature was significantly reduced.

Today very well may be an exact repeat of last year. The aunt and uncle are coming and will be eating lunch with us. It is their idea to go to a restaurant, "so no one has to clean up afterwards." Clearly their stomachs are lined with Teflon and not offended by Ryan's over-use of preservatives and C-4.

I fully intend to suggest at least 5 alternatives.

3 years ago today, I was about to pee on a stick.

Today, I will not pee on a stick, nor do I plan on it anytime soon - as in, EVER.

But I love my kids. They are the joys of my life. Sissy's heart is so full and tender. Lucky's eyes are bright and observant. They love each other and their parents. And they know we love them. I fail them as their mother every single day. Yet, I try to be the best mom I possibly can be. I never want them to doubt my love for them. I know these simple things are important because I learned them as a kid.

I never doubted my mom's love for me. She sacrificed so much to insure that I could be whatever I dreamed. I'm one of the lucky ones. While my mom wasn't perfect, she was perfect for me. She taught me so many things. She loved me unconditionally. She taught me of Jesus' perfect love and his sacrifice for my eternal soul. She tolerated my attitudes and misadventures. She forgave and corrected me. She set a great example for me to follow.

I love my mom. She's my hero.

A day of fun and sun

2009-05-05T09:38:00.000-07:00

One day, long ago, in a land not far from where we live, the sun shone. The rains didn't fall. The water flowed. The children played outside.

And then it rained again for 212 years.

Helpless

2009-05-04T06:54:00.001-07:00

Good friends of ours are divorcing.

They have 2 children together, 8 y-o daughter and 6 m-o son. He is a long-time friend of The Mighty Hunter. He and I have been friends for 20+ years. (sheesh, we're getting old!)

I wish she and I could have been closer friends, but our personalities clashed at times. My opinion of her as a friend works perfectly with the reasons for the divorce.

She is leaving him "for purely selfish reasons."

He is devastated. He still loves her. He is still in love with her.

There have been rumors for months (6+) that she has been seeing someone else. There may even be paternity issues with the newborn son.

My heart breaks for him. He has asked her to go to counseling; she has refused. He will be alone in the house they have filled with their family for the past 4 years; she is leaving and taking the kids. He has devoted himself to her; she isn't looking back.

My heart is sad for her. She has so much; she is dissatisfied. She has someone who loves her unconditionally; she is indifferent. She has a good family; she is tearing it apart.

I checked. My rose-colored glasses are put away. I know him well enough to know that he is a miserable, gloomy-gus most of the time. Oh, he can and will charm you if you work with him or aren't close to him. Once you become important to him, he reveals his inner Eyeore. I have often wondered what it must be like to live with someone who seems so unhappy and know that he has it good. To tolerate someone's growls and clouds and go on and make your own life joyful. To teach your children that daddy loves you dearly but is just grumpy.

That must be its own hell.

The Mighty Hunter and I have gone through our own hells before. WITH EACH OTHER. We have pushed the other away for whatever reason. But we have always waited for the other one to come out and join life again. I never doubt that The Mighty Hunter will be there for me. I will always be there for him as well.

But our friend's wife is leaving him. She refuses to make any efforts to reconcile. Yet she is still being intimate with him and has offered for him to tell the kids goodnight and "get together" with her then too.

Which will be just another hell for him.

The story is much more complicated than I can even describe. I have suspicions that go beyond an affair. I wish I didn't think these things about her. I wish that we had been able to become the kind of friends that tell the hard truths with love. I wish I could go kick her selfish tail.

I wish those kids weren't about to experience the hell that lies in front of them.

My heart breaks for them in a completely different way.

Pray with me, please.

What's been going on...

2009-05-03T16:43:00.000-07:00

It has rained here. A lot. We were in a drought for the past 3 years and had gotten used to it a little. We have compensated. We are caught up. We are wet. We are soaked. We are tired of it.

The Mighty Hunter has been here since Friday the 24th. His work schedule started back on Wednesday the 29th, but he is getting to work here. When you consider that his having to fly everywhere and stay in hotels around the swine flu-infested country, I am glad that his schedule has him here right now. It's also been fun and a nice change of pace. Someone else "jumps up" when there is a diaper to change.

This past Friday morning, we all rode together to take Sissy to school. The Mighty Hunter had an appointment at the podiatrist, and I was going along just to spend a little extra time with him. Lucky went too, because Lucky goes everywhere I go, prettymuch. anyhoo... As Sissy got out of the Pimped Out Mamamobile, some thunder rumbled.

"otts at daddy?"

I answered because The Mighty Hunter wasn't paying attention for some reason. "It's God riding a wagon on a bumpy road." (Which was how we explained to Sissy, and it worked then.)

"ats monkeys jumpin on a bed!"

me: "those monkeys better get off that bed!!!"

"yup!"

**************

We're talking about potty-training, but no one is interested in trying it. He likes his diapers very much right now. Thankyouverymuch.

**************

We've worked on a craft project lately. Enjoy...

Notice to the Headache That Has Pestered Me All Week:

2009-04-23T06:51:00.000-07:00

I understand why you would choose to spend the week with me. I'm lovable, sweet, funny, kind, and not unattractive. I smell nice and cook yummy meals. I have adorable and funny kids. If I knew me, I'd hang around me too. It just makes sense. And, hey! The weather here this week has been great. The thing, Headache, is that I can't really enjoy this weather or my adorable and funny kids when you're here.

You're no fun. I know that is a harsh thing to say. I'm sorry, but it is true.

But it's worse than that. You're a pain. An honest-to-goodness, make-my-life-miserable, please-go-away-and-don't-come-back pain.

That was even more harsh, and, again, I'm sorry. But it had to be said. You need to know the truth. You need to know how I feel about you. You need to know how you affect my life.

So, I'm breaking up with you. I hope you understand and leave gracefully and with the dignity and self-respect that keeps you from coming back and stalking me.

I'll always remember our times together. Well, most of them. Sometimes you were such a pain that you left holes in my memory. And, for that, I will never forgive you.

But I'll make you a deal. Go away and don't come back and all is forgiven.

Sincerely (Really and Truly),

Keri, the Auburn Gal Always
Former Migraine Sufferer

You're not gonna believe this...

2009-04-20T15:03:00.000-07:00

Remember him?

He went back to work Friday and today.

Cool, huh?

That adorable cuteness in the helmet is his youngest daughter.

Thank You (part 1)

2009-04-20T06:32:00.000-07:00

Bo is a dear friend who worked for The Mighty Hunter and is now in nursing school. I've attempted to help her with some of her classes (bless her heart!), and we've become very close.

Bo has 2 sons. That is them you see to the left, surrounded by the Service Flag graphic. Lucas is an Army MP and serving in Iraq. Chris is the younger. He is an Army mechanic and on active reserve duty, awaiting deployment later this year. I adore these two young men. I admire them as well.

Two weeks ago, Bo got a message from Lucas, saying that he would be home soon for leave. His approximate arrival was the 17th or 18th. I can't describe to you how excited she was - nor is it necessary to even say it. Just know that her enthusiasm is contagious, and I came down with a big case of it.

I cried several times, thinking of how wonderful the reunion would be. How beautiful our rolling ridges and mountains, lush in shades of green and spotted with the whites and pinks of Dogwoods would welcome him. How he would fill his belly with fried chicken and pinto beans and corn bread and countless other Southern foods. How being in a comfortable bed without fear of bombing or gunfire would rock him to sleep. How natural and foreign it would feel to talk to his brother and hug his mother.

I cried thinking how grateful I am that he has given himself to our country and our world for our safety.

Thursday morning I started checking my phone constantly for the text from Bo that would announce his arrival time. Only twice (ok, maybe three times) did I text her with the straight-forward message of "????"

Friday afternoon, I knew when I saw her on the caller ID that she had gotten the news: Sunday morning, 6:20am, Atlanta airport.

(here's a helpful aside for my fellow logistic/planning compulsives: Atlanta is on Eastern time. I live in Central time. Atlanta's airport is 2.5 hours away. The kids and I could go, but my cold would make the EARLY morning drive painful for me. The Mighty Hunter has Mariott points out the wazoo.)

A quick phone call to The Mighty Hunter, who was stuck in the airport in Memphis all day long, got him on the job of getting us a couple of rooms near the airport for Saturday night. Another phone call to Beboo determined that we would drive two cars so that Lucas and Chris could stay in Atlanta and have some brotherly-bonding time if they wanted.

After Opening Day for Sissy's softball season Saturday morning, I threw a change of clothes and necessary toiletries into a small purple suitcase. Emptied the Pimped Out Mamamobile of the amazing amount of junk that it had accumulated in the month since WDW. Bathed Sissy and dried her hair. Lay down and napped for 25 seconds (ok, maybe 30 minutes) until Lucky woke me with kisses (btw, pretending to be asleep and going bye-bye are the only ways to get kisses from him). Loaded the Pimped Out Mamamobile and left home. Realized I had $12 cash and the banks were already closed. Returned home to get cash out of emergency stash in the safe. Drove through the carwash to get the 3" of dead bugs and pollen off the windshield. Wished I had time to use the free super-vacuums to get the 2,815 cheerios out of the floor and seats. And drove to Beboo's house to meet Chris, Bo and Beboo and leave for the hotel.

Do you know that when you arrive at a Mariott and you're a Platinum Rewards member you get treated with a little better attitude?

The rest of our evening was...

A trip to Walgreens for poster board and markers and drinks.

A quick stop at Krispy Kreme. It's the law that you must stop when "hot and fresh" light is on, and I'm a law-abiding citizen!

A sad attempt at lettering and decorating poster board with a welcome home message.

A room filled with sleepy eyes but excited hearts and minds.

A clock that was screwy after Beboo tried to set the alarm for 4am, but instead changed the time to 4am.

At 3am I woke up, afraid that I would oversleep and be the cause of not greeting Lucas the minute he arrived.

... to be continued when I get the pictures from Bo.

funny memories from WDW 2009

2009-04-17T06:10:00.000-07:00

Someone should have told this man to do some push-ups YEARS AGO!

Why would someone (some DAD) do this to an incredibly cute little boy?

I saw this lady in my picture after we got home. I swear in this picture she looks just like Lisa Kudrow. (She's not. How do you know? I didn't tell you about how Lucky and FIL sat next to Lisa Kudrow on the monorail! 'Cause it didn't happen.)

How can there be birds all over a place like WDW and no bird poop?

Why did I allow Pluto to eat my daughter's head? Was I not worried about all the germs in his mouth?

That is all.

You're welcome

Random Randomess from March and April 2009

2009-04-15T11:13:00.000-07:00

We tried the new Digiorno's Crispy Flatbread Tuscan Chicken pizza for lunch. New fave!

Easter lunch was a lot of work but very worth it. I'm still enjoying the Potato Corn Mash and the layered chocolate dessert (especially that!). Also, the ham was huge. I'll be freezing some of it for another day and a few casseroles.

I started exercising today. The sight of me in a sleeveless dress was way more depressing than I had prepared myself for. I was the girl in high school that had the awesome, muscular arms and hard, ripped stomach. Now I'm just the girl that went to high school and then turned to flab.

Watch out, calories. Get ready to burn!

Sissy is home from school sick (again!) This time it's a sinus infection with the beginning of bronchitis. Hopefully we got the antibiotics in time to keep it from getting too bad, although it was already pretty miserable.

The Mighty Hunter went to Phoenix today.

The son of a dear friend (see the little patriotic image to the left) is coming home either Friday or Saturday for a few days from IRAQ! IRAQ!!

Did y'all know that I want to redecorate? srsly

Not at all what I SHOULD be doing

2009-04-09T11:03:00.000-07:00

This weekend will be quite busy.

Sissy is attending a fancy-schmancy, overnight birthday party for her BFF Lauren at a Renaissance Mariott hotel and then watching the Hannah Montana movie.

The Mighty Hunter will fly home Friday (on schedule) or Saturday (if work keeps him over). Either way, he WILL be home for Easter.

Our church will have an egg hunt Saturday afternoon. We will attend.

...unless Softball coach schedules a make-up practice that conflicts. We will go practice and have our own egg hunt in my intentionally over-grown grass. (It was my intent to not cut my grass short for this weekend. It makes for better egg-hiding!!!

That's my story, and I'm sticking to it!

I need to paint my toenails.

Fingernails can forget it.

My house will be clean (-ER) tomorrow afternoon after Bev helps me out. (Bev, I love you.)

I have to iron a shirt for The Mighty Hunter.

I have to find a light sweater or wrap or something for my sleeveless dress for Sunday. (When I modeled it for The Mighty Hunter over the webcam - get your minds out of the gutter - he said it looked like camouflage. Either I have horrible taste or am going blind or we need to get a higher quality video-call service.)

My brother and family, Bev and Carl, my parents and my grandmother are coming for lunch Sunday after church.

I am planning on cooking most everything: ham, potato corn mash, bacon-wrapped green beans, macaroni, dessert, crowder peas, deviled eggs...

I'm a complete idiot.

Also, I should be doing something that is conducive to actually, you know, getting some of these things done before the LAST MINUTE.

But instead, the idiot is getting her blogging fix.

I'll see y'all Monday with lots of Easter egg hunting pictures. And hopefully there won't be any rain until after dark on Sunday.

Did you hear that, Lord? Please keep the rain in the clouds until after dark on Sunday. Thank you. I love you.

ps: I hate you Whoppers for only making Robin's Eggs candy this time of year. (shakes fist at bowl half-full of cute little addictive candy goodness)

You really should click away from this drivel

2009-04-09T06:43:00.000-07:00

I had to look up "drivel" to make sure I was spelling it correctly.

Today, Thursday, April 9, 2009, I'm thinking of a few things I'd like to have. And since I'm a narcissistic blogger, I am compelled to document and share it here. Actually, I'm contractually bound to post drivel like this from time to time.

See, I have no choice. It's in the contract.

*I want a stove with 4 (four!!!) burners. Instead, I have this wonderful (?) Jenn-air (big whoop) unit with a built-in grill (which hasn't been used in 19 years, I KNOW!). That cute little towel with the Easter-egg-shaped, purple-plaid baby chick covers the grill. Without a towel over the useless grill, there would be a loaf of bread crumbs filling it.

*I want a kitchen faucet that turns on to a moderate flow level. The handle of mine is stupid. There is just no other word to describe a faucet handle that will only turn on to full-force, Niagara Falls flow and is difficult to put somewhere in the middle.

*I want a guest bathroom faucet that doesn't spit everywhere.

*I want a recliner for The Mighty Hunter that is not a hazard to life and limb with its broken springs sticking out the back.

*I want a couch (or two) that is not just fugly and filthy and in a fabric that doesn't scream 1994 bad taste.

*I want a light fixture in the kitchen that is brighter.

*I want a light fixture in the guest bathroom that doesn't have a short and where both bulbs will work.

*I want a light fixture over my vanity area that doesn't scare me to change the bulbs. (two words: exposed wires)

*I want walls without rough-hewn, 1977 DARK paneling.

*I want pretty curtains.

*I want a pretty bedroom suite.

*I want a mattress for Sissy that is not a broken-down wallow.

*I want a little boy who will give me kisses whenever I ask for them.

*I want a little boy who makes the funniest faces for me and my camera. (check)

*I want a little girl who knows how to speak without whining when she's the least bit upset.

*I want a little girl who loves with all her heart. (check)

*I want fewer toys with a million pieces.

*I want this sore throat to go away and stay away!

*I want to want to clean house.

*I want someone to plant and care for my garden.

*I want to sleep until I can't sleep anymore for a few hours and then sleep again until I'm completely rested.

*I want to know what in the world "JA in a Day" is.

*I want my friends to have more peace and prosperity in their lives.

*I want my family to have their health restored.

*I want everyone to know the real meaning of this weekend's events and celebrations.

*I want to be excited about - or interested in - going to church again.

*I want to wake up and find that the President didn't say this is not a Christian nation.

*I want to wake up and not worry about my future.

*I want to remember that I don't have to worry about my future; Jesus took care of that worry for me.

*I want all two of you to have a great weekend and eat too much and find all the eggs before they rot.

(some observations from my want-list: We have some safety issues in our house. I need to get a grip. I have a lot to be thankful for and need to quit my whining and wishing for more than what God has already generously provided.)

80 cents + + +

2009-04-07T16:25:00.000-07:00

Dear Highway Toll Administration LLC,

I wanted to take a moment to thank you so much for your conscientiousness. It is such a relief to know that my tax dollars are being spent so responsibly in this Government Bailout Age. I am truly thankful that you are attempting to collect each and every penny that is owed to the multiple toll road and bridge departments in this country.

Also, providing access to toll receipts for rental cars online using a rental agreement was a great idea. This makes completing expense reports a little easier. It can be hard to keep up with all those little receipts. Thank you for allowing me to pull up this information in a pretty easy manner.

Bravo.

On the other hand, I must ask you to consider the economics of sending out an invoice for an eighty cent toll. I feel certain that you have a discount account for mailing large quantities of items. I don't know the exact discount, but let's just grab a number out of the air - 39 cents.

You spent 39 cents on postage to mail the invoice to me.

You printed the invoice.

You purchased the mailing envelope.

You purchased and included a pre-printed return envelope.

You paid someone to punch a few keys and filter your reports to find this invoice and print it and send it to the machine that folds it and stuffs the envelope.

You paid someone to load the bag or box of mail and deliver it to the post office.

When I mail you my check for 80 frizzy cents, you will pay someone to process the payment in your computer system, enter the deposit into your accounting system and make the deposit.

You will probably mail me a receipt, so that's another bulk-mail postage fee, envelope and print/fold/stuff expense. Plus the labor costs for punching the keys and filling and lifting the bag of mail and delivering to the post office.

How much do you think you actually made on my 80 frizzy cents?

On second thought, I retract my gratitude for being so responsible with my tax dollars.

Like the Donald would say...

"you're fired!"

It's clear he inherited his intelligence from his mommy

2009-04-06T15:27:00.000-07:00

At Steak N Shake today, Lucky turned around and pointed out the two empty high-chairs parked behind him at the end of the booths.

"wook, Mommy! wook!"

yes. big boy chairs. just like yours.

"two chairs!"

yes! two chairs! very good!

"two chairs!"

can you count all the big boy chairs? (pointing at the one he is and starting him off) one...

"two... fwee!"

Nevermind that yesterday he ran frantically from me when I was trying to get a stray eyelash out of his eye... with his hands over his eyes.

THAT he gets from his daddy!

The cab ride at WDW story

2009-04-02T21:53:00.001-07:00

Monks in Merrells. (You can't see the Merrells, but they're there. Also not shown is Bev, who is "posing" so that I can take a picture of the monks in Merrells without being obvious. 'Cause I'm all about not being obvious.)

I promised you this one...

Thursday, our dinner reservations at Jiko at the Animal Kingdom Lodge were at 8pm. This was our regular meal time during the trip. If you think about it, we live in Central time zone, so it was only 7pm. And if you factor in that Daylight Savings Time began only a week before, it was realy 6pm! But if you think about how tired we were and how many miles we walked that week (65+) and that we had only had a late breakfast and a bag of chips or an ice cream cone, you'd still think we were crazy for scheduling dinner that late.

Well, you'd be right if you'd change it to "Keri was crazy for scheduling dinner that late."

So, we had this lovely dinner where we each ordered an appetizer and shared and tested and tasted. Except me, who was at the end of the table, surrounded by the kids and they ate all my delicious, exotic cheeses and interesting crackers. (Jiko would probably protest my using the word "crackers" here, but I can't think of a more accurate way to describe small pieces of crisply toasted slices of bread.) (CRACKERS, but yummy delicious, FLAVORFUL crackers!) Everyone accused me of hogging my delicious, exotic cheeses and delicious, FLAVORFUL crackers to myself. I told them that the kids were surprisingly aggressive when they're hungry.

Also, Lucky threw his styrofoam cup of Sprite on the floor, and it BROKE, leaking Sprite all over the place. I'm all "what do I do? what do I do?" and resolved the situation in a very practical, albeit rednecked, way: I put the cup in my glass, much like you'd see it in the sink at home, waiting to be washed. The waiter was very appreciative of my quick-thinking and superior problem-solving and took away the dirty-dishes-stacked-in-the-sink Tower O' Glasses from the table quick, fast and in a hurry.

By the way, did you know that a cracker can be spicy?

So, we finish our delicious meal. Berbere-braised pork shank, for me. (yummmm. Wishing I had just eaten that again instead of the 2 hot dogs with cheese and bbq sauce.) (No, I don't know what Berbere is. I think it means "fall off the bone tender and juicy and delicious".) Everyone else was pleased with what they ate. Except Lucky who was recovering from an ear infection and cutting his last baby tooth and not eating well at all still. I might know what the other adults had eaten had I not been at the end of the table surrounded by two aggressive and hungry kids.

Yes, Lucky had an ear infection while at WDW. He woke me up sometime before dawn on Wednesday with a very high fever. We spent the day at doctor's offices to learn that he had one ear infected and the other one jealous and trying to get infected too.

As we leave, we realize that our understanding of the WDW transportation system was lacking in how to get us from Animal Kingdom Lodge to Pop Century Reseort. The free buses don't go resort to resort. And there was nary a bus to be seen at this hour anyway to take us to some park and then to our resort. A cab was the obvious and quick answer.

There was one waiting for us. The typical Chevy, looks-a-little-like-a-police-car cab. Yellow and everything.

Not counting the cab-driver, there were 4 adults, an 8 year-old and a 2 year-old. We had no car seat. Our bellies were dangerously full. Someone probably had gas.

Cab-driver Man was willing to take us to our hotel, but The Mighty Hunter had to ride up front, being the biggest of all. We stashed our backpacks and miscellany in the surprisingly clean trunk. (I don't know why it surprised me that the trunk was clean. Maybe because mine is never clean. Also, I don't have a trunk.) I sat in the middle of the back with Sissy in my lap, seatbelt across both of us. Bev was on my left. Carl, on my right. Carl, for some strange reason, put Lucky on the seat between him and me and then tried to stretch the seatbelt across him that way. After a scolding and correction from the momma, the baby was correctly placed in his Carl-seat (get it? haha) and seatbelted in.

As we left the portico for the Animal Kingdom Lodge, Cab-driver Man turns his radio up just a little bit.

"Jesus take the wheel" is playing.

The irony of this playing on the radio for 5 adults and 2 children without out a carseat in a 5-seat cab does not escape me. The exhaustion of the week only added to my giggles.

When the song ended, I threw out a question to Cab-driver Man, "what would the fines be for how many people you have piled up in here right now?"

The Mighty Hunter shushed me, very emphatically.

More giggling followed, "What if I were one of those 'secret shoppers'? I'm not. But wouldn't that just stink?"

The poor guy got a $6 tip for his $14 fare.

The Mighty Hunter felt sorry for him.

Sissy's shot of Tigger from 1900 Park Faire at the Grand Floridian Resort.

2009-03-31T07:35:00.000-07:00

Sissy just came to tell me that the woodpeckers outside are about to mate!!!

"give them some privacy"

She tells me that you need to know what kind of woodpeckers they are: ~~Wally~~ Waily Woodpeckers. (thank you for the spelling correction, Sissy!)

cock-a-doodle-doo

2009-03-29T21:43:00.000-07:00

She has a mild case of chicken pox. The health department was notified. Thanks to the vaccination, she should be spot free and able to return to school Tuesday or Wednesday.

We have faithfully checked for new polkadots at least twice a day since Thursday night. I began losing track of which ones were new and which were there the last time I looked. So I had a stroke of genius...

I marked each spot with a very small line with an ink pen.

Yeah, I'm one of those moms. The kind that is not ashamed to write on her own kid's ass.

I'm also the mom who received a fart right in the face tonight as I was checking said chicken pox lesions and ink pen marks.

I guess that makes us even.

WDW self-portraits and supper

2009-03-29T08:43:00.000-07:00

Sissy took many self-portraits while at WDW. This is my favorite. It was taken outside Chefs de France.

This was taken at Chef Mickey's breakfast at the Contemporary Resort.

*****************

Yesterday, we took a nap. Everyone except Sissy, anyway. During my nap, I dreamed of a taco casserole.

2 lbs ground beef
chili powder
cumin
cinnamon
1 lg onion, chopped
1 pkg taco seasoning
3 T taco sauce
1 bell pepper, chopped
1 can fire-roasted, diced tomatoes, drained
1 c sweet kernel corn, drained
1 can diced chiles
1/2 pkg low fat cream cheese
1 c cheddar cheese

Sprinkle the meat with chili powder, cumin powder and cinnamon, add onion to meat and cook until meat is browned and most of the grease is evaporated. Stir in taco seasoning, taco sauce, cream cheese, corn and tomatoes. Blend until cream cheese is well combined. Add in cheddar cheese. Transfer to oven safe dish (or if you have a wonderful Pampered Chef Professional Series sauce pan, you can just leave it in that, covered with foil.) Bake at 300 for 20 minutes.

Sprinkle with more cheese. Serve with chips, sour cream or Paula Deen's Santa Fe Wrap mixture (which I've only made as wrap sandwiches ONCE, but have made as a dip at least a dozen times. Also, skip the olives and spinach.)

Eat until you can't walk. Roll over to the 'puter and tell me how much you loved it!

if you listen closely, you may hear clucking...

2009-03-26T20:53:00.001-07:00

Sissy may have chicken pox.

I'll let you know in the morning.

Now, pardon me while I share a prayer of desperation with you...

Dear Lord, I love you and thank you for loving me. Sometimes I'm not loveable at all, but that has never stopped you. Thank you also for restoring so much of my brother's health in such a miraculous way. I never doubted your power, and I get so excited when I witness it and have the joy of sharing my experiences of it. Thank you for that too. Here's the thing, Lord - not that I need to TELL YOU. I just know you like for me to talk to you. And, yes, I'm aware I need to work on my LISTENING TO YOU problem. Anyway, here's the thing: Tomorrow, The Mighty Hunter flies in from San Antonio. My mom has 2 doctor's appointments. Her car is complaining lately, and she needs me to drive her to those appointments. You were able to time The Mighty Hunter's flight arrival (remember? I have to pick him up from the airport this time) and mom's appointments so that it would work out for me to be the chauffeur for both. But now, Sissy seems to have these little bumps on her. And Lucky has never had the chicken pox either. And I don't know if The Mighty Hunter had them. And if he can't remember, his dad certainly won't remember either. And, well, you've got his mom up there with you, which kinda limits my access to her memory. KWIM? Carl and Beboo have had the pox, so they're safe. M was with Sissy Sunday, so she was exposed too and could share it with her boys. So, if it is AT ALL POSSIBLE, could you make sure The Mighty Hunter remembers having had the chicken pox at some point in his life? Could you also work it out for Beboo to care for Sissy tomorrow and get her to the doctor for me, the deadbeat mom who is currently stressing over this whole being-pulled-in-30-directions thing? 'Cause I need to remember who's got my back... I'd also hate for M and dher boys to get the pox from us because she was following your Good Samaritan example. Thank you for all the other miraculous, wonderful, amazing, cool, yippee-skippee things you've done for me. Most of all, thank you for my salvation. Amen.

Now, if you haven't had the chicken pox, go disinfect your screen.

blah yuk gumble groan

2009-03-25T20:45:00.000-07:00

I don't want to write anything. Not here. Not anywhere.

I've got all these great pictures from WDW, and I want to share them. I want to put together the slideshow that holds those pics and make it cute and sleek and add music and captions.

But I don't want to actually, you know, do the work.

Truthfully, I am aware that I never finished the slideshow for Lucky's 2nd birthday. What a deadbeat!

So, if you're waiting patiently - or not... right, M? - for some kind of post or stories about our WDW trip, keep your pants on. It may take me a while.

Just don't let me forget to tell you about the cab ride and the song on the radio!

******************

Let me tell you about a friend of mine and what she did as a favor to my brother and me.

As I drove home from WDW Saturday, I talked with my brother on the phone. He asked me if I had any experience with online legal forms. I told him that I did not, but I would ask a friend who has legal experience.

That night, this friend put together a general will, living will and other legal forms for my brother. The next day this friend rode with me the 1.5 hours to Huntsville where my brother was in the hospital to review, witness and notarize these documents.

Does anyone out there have a better friend?

I'll bet my left thumb you don't.

He's on his way home...

2009-03-24T16:51:00.000-07:00

The Auburn Brother Always is on his way home from the hospital. His pacemaker did its job last night and kept his heart a thump-thump-thumping along like it should.

He is very sore at the site of the pacemaker, but is doing well otherwise.

Thank you all, again, for your kind comments and prayers.

(For all you google search alert-ers: carotid artery dissection, veterbral artery dissection, stroke after chiropractic adjustment) ;)

A Teaser and an update for you...

2009-03-23T08:17:00.000-07:00

Our trip to WDW was wonderful. Except for the sinus infection and dual ear infection and high fever and trip to the ER/Walk-in Clinic. I'll post pictures and details later. Today, I have 1,382, 073 loads of laundry to wash and dry and put away and a yard of wild onions to mow and a floor full of toys to put away and a filthy Pimped-Out Mamamobile to wash and daughter to get to softball practice and homework to supervise and dinner to cook and... holy crap, I'm already tired.

My brother is improving. Here's the low-down. The chiroquack did assassin ninja neck twist move on him, but that wasn't what hurt him. After the assassin ninja neck twist, he put R on his side on the "bouncy table" (R's words) with his heck supported by the "bouncy cushion." He showed him a strange fist and said, "I'm going to press on your neck and realign your vertebrae. You will feel a lot of very intense pressure and pain for a few moments, but it will pass quickly."

pop

crunch

And R said he began moaning and crying out in pain that was so intense that he couldn't stop the yelling and groaning. Chiroquack touched him and R pushed him away, it hurt him so badly. He was helped to a chair where he vomited for 5 minutes (no lunch or breakfast to vomit.) They asked him if he wanted them to call 911. He waited for his wife (S) to arrive - 20 minutes. Then called for an ambulance.

was it not obvious that he needed an ambulance immediately? is it normal for their patients to scream out in pain and violently vomit during their adjustments?

?!?!?!?!?

He suffered a mild stroke in his cerebellum. His carotid artery and vertebral arteries were dissected, but not completely. He was unable to speak or stand or control his arms or legs or see. Most of these issues had resolved themselves quickly, with the vision taking the longest time.

Since those first 2, critical days, he has experienced heart arythmias, particularly during the night. They tested him for sleep apnea, which was negative. His heart is stopping for as long as 8 seconds at a time. They tried medication to regulate this, and it was unsuccessful.

He is on strong anti-clotting medications. These meds caused serious dehydration after they removed his iv. He is now tied to a saline drip 24/7 again and drinking unbelievable amounts of water.

He received a pacemaker this morning and did well with that procedure.

He asked about a stroke assessment test. This gave the doctors the opportunity to explain that they never did one, as they never expected him to survive. The huge portion of patients with his injury do not live.

CTs show that the carotid and veterbral arteries have not healed on their own yet. They may require stents, but the anti-clotting meds will make this very high risk and only a last resort.

I saw him yesterday. I was very encouraged and excited to see him doing as well as he is. If you didn't know what had happened to him, you'd never guess it. The only remaining effects from the stroke (besides the cardiac issues and arterial dissections) are balance-related. He was stronger than I expected, but tires easily. He is being very cautious and communicating very well with the nursing staff about how he feels. They are taking very good care of him.

He is almost "out of the woods". He may be home from the hospital late this week. They are being very cautious with him, but they do expect him to survive now.

Thank you all for your prayers and kind comments.

Friday, the End of My Obnoxious WDW Posts

2009-03-20T11:06:00.000-07:00

We have breakfast at Akershus in Norway, in Epcot's World Showcase today. It is a princess themed meal.

Dinner is also in Epcot at Japan's Teppan Edo, a cook-in-front-of-you, throw-knives-in-the-air, make-flames-flash-up-from-the-griddle restaurant.

We will pack our bags tomorrow morning and load up the Pimped-out Mamamobile and take The Mighty Hunter to the airport for his next work assignment in God-Knows-Where, USA, and drive the 562 miles back to the Auburn Family Always Homestead.

I'm considering changing the name of my blog to WDW Gal Always. What do you think?

Prepare yourself for a slideshow of many obnoxious pictures.

Good grief, I dread the laundry I'll have to do tomorrow.

Wanna know a secret? I'm totally nuts. I wrote this post and all the other ones about our WDW week's plans at 1am Friday, knowing that I have to get myself out of bed and load up and wake the kids and leave town by 7am.

NUTS, I know.

I'm hungry too, but I'll ignore that and get to sleep. maybe

Thursday Surprises

2009-03-19T11:02:00.000-07:00

We have meal reservations today, but will wing it on which park we'll go to.

Breakfast is at 1900 Park Faire at the Grand Floridian hotel. Mary Poppins, Alice in Wonderland and Pooh are the regular characters here.

Dinner is at Jiko at the Animal Kingdom Lodge. I'm excited about this one. It's a "Signature Restaurant," meaning it uses 2 meal credits and is schmancy. I've also wanted to look around this hotel, and this will be my chance!

Wednesday and The World

2009-03-18T10:53:00.000-07:00

Today we will eat a quick breakfast. This is the only day we do NOT have breakfast reservations.

I know. Just think of the pig's lives we'll be saving in just the bacon consumption alone!

We'll probably receive some award.

oohhh!!! Maybe a lifetime supply of bacon!

At 11:40am, we will eat lunch in Canada at La Cellier. We've had dinner here before and absolutely LOVED it.

Dinner is at 8pm at France's Chefs de France. We ate here once on Sissy's first trip and choked on the cost of the meal. The Deluxe Dining Plan allows to be able to justify it.

btw, the Dining Plans can save you a lot of money, if you choose your restaurants carefully. We got the Deluxe plan, which give us 3 meals at Counter Service (fast food) or Table Service restaurants plus 2 snack credits per person, per day. We are using most of our meal credits at character meals or very nice TS restaurants. Without the plan, we'd pay a crap-pot of money to eat at those places. With the plan, we pay a daily rate and eat the most expensive thing on the menu, plus an appetizer and dessert EACH!

So, while I expect to walk my Asics to death, I will probably not lose any weight due to the massive amount of calories I'll be stuffing down.

St Patty's in the Magic Kingdom

2009-03-17T10:49:00.000-07:00

We're starting today a little later than our first few days with breakfast at Chef Mickey's at the Contemporary Resort.

I've planned the evening with the precision of, well, um, a WDW-obsessed planning nut.

The Spectromagic parade is at 8pm.

The fireworks are at 9pm.

Dinner at Cinderellas Royal Table (in the castle) at 9:40pm. (Yes, that seems late, but remember WDW is in the Eastern Time Zone, and I live in Central! Which means that 9:40 there is really 8:40 for me. So, it's not horribly late. And! AND!!! when you calculate stupid Daylight Stupid Time in, dinner is really at 7:40!)

Are you getting sick of this yet?

Mystery Monday

2009-03-16T09:08:00.000-07:00

This morning we will have breakfast at O'hana at the Polynesian Resort.

We have dinner reservations at Tutto Italia in Italy, in Epcot's World Showcase. I love me some good pasta!

The rest of the day is open to whatever whim strikes us!

Sunday fun

2009-03-15T09:07:00.000-07:00

We're having breakfast at Disney's Hollywood Studios with the Little Einsteins and Jojo and Goliath the Lion.

We've never spent a whole day at this park. I'm looking forward to it.

Guess what I'm doing today?

2009-03-14T13:32:00.000-07:00

We're having breakfast in Ddisney's Animal Kingdom and dinner at the Polynesian Resort's Spirit of Aloha show.

Did I mention...

2009-03-13T14:01:00.000-07:00

that I'm on my way to Disney World?

The Auburn Brother Always

2009-03-12T14:22:00.001-07:00

Randy is better.

The chiropractor adjusted his neck, at c1 and c2, with such force that Randy asked to leave the table and sit on a chair. He had to be helped to the chair, where he began vomiting and fainted.

911 was called.

His blood pressure was very high. He could not see or speak clearly or coherently. He could not walk.

The adjustment compromised his carotid artery and caused a 1/2" tear on the inside layer. The trauma and tear caused him to have a "mini-stroke" in the left side of his cerebellum.

Blood pressure is normal again. They're being all Edward Cullen and drawing blood every 2-3 hours, which is showing within normal ranges already.

He is able to move and feel in his extremities. He is able to sit upright, unassisted for a few minutes. But tires very quickly.

He is still experiencing double- and triple-vision, blurriness and extreme light-sensitivity.

He has a bad headache.

His neck still hurts.

When he was telling the ER staff what had occurred leading up to his ambulance ride, there was some rolling of the eyes and knowing sighs and nodding of heads.

He has already recovered from much of the damage. This is excellent news.

He will remain in the hospital for 2-3 days for monitoring. If he should have another stroke, then he would undergo surgery to place a stint in the carotid at the site of the dissection.

(How did you like how I threw in that medical term?)

He's gonna be fine. He has a long, tough recovery ahead of himself.

He will never again allow a chiropractor to examine or treat him.

Neither will I.

He has insisted that he is fine - fiiiiiiiiiinnnne!!! And we are going on with our trip to WDW.

Please continue to pray for him and his family. They're special to me.

I'm making like a tree and splittin

2009-03-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

or something like that.

Friday morning, I will load the Pimped Out Mamamobile with suitcases that are large enough to hold both Sissy and Lucky and weigh more than Sissy. I will retrieve Carl and Bev from their home. We will drive I-75 until we make a left turn and then follow the GPS to meet The Mighty Hunter.

Saturday morning we will begin our week at Walt Disney World.

That is if my brother is ok. Today, he went to the chiropractor for a sore and stiff neck. He had been a few times already with this complaint. Immediately after getting his neck "adjusted" he vomited and fainted and couldn't stand on his own.

The neck "adjustment" seems to have torn his carotid artery.

No shit. It caused him to have a stroke.

A stroke, people.

From the chiropractor's visit.

He's in the hospital tonight, waiting the results of the MRI to confirm all this. He will meet with a vascular surgeon and possibly have it repaired. He has already recovered from the "event" a great deal. His speech is not slurring anymore. His thinking is clear. He can feel and move his extremities (spell that for me, please!) He is still too dizzy to try to walk, but we're hoping that will recover soon also.

Please pray for Randy.

Truthfully, I'm not certain we'll go to WDW. I can still reschedule our trip. I really don't know what to do.

But, I do want to share with you a free pdf book that I will be printing to read while we drive to WDW or sit at the hospital. It's the link at the top of the right column. Click me.

lookie lookie

2009-03-11T06:56:00.000-07:00

I was reading the Pioneer Woman and hopped the links over to Wild Olive Tees.

I love these tshirt designs. They're totally something I would wear as part of uber-cool mom uniform. They might even distract your eye away from my ugly, dirty Asics (the only shoes I can wear now. Thankyoustressfracturedfoot.)

Go look around.

Spend some money.

Stimulate the economy!!!

Get your verse on!

Oooh! And save some money. Free shipping through March 31.

The things I think about... (be afraid, be very afraid!)

2009-03-10T20:29:00.001-07:00

When I shower and shave my legs, I think about my childhood friends that shared ideas, techniques, helpful hints, warnings, etc. about how to best get a smoothly shaven leg. How best to avoid razor burn. Am I the only one who associates things like that?

And do you shave the back of your thigh? I tried when I was a kid and thought it was necessary. But considering I'm lucky to put blade to hide once a week now, the back of my thighs are ignored - other than soap, bath oil and lotion. Part of the hair on my body is still sandy-blonde and thus only gently reflects the sun's gentle kiss of light, so I am convinced that no one sees it.

How many pairs of panties do you own? I have several. Honestly, I've never counted. But I wear my favorite 4 pairs until I realize that I don't have time to dig in the clean clothes basket to find the freshly-washed ones and resort to the ones that are the exact same brand, style and size, but do not fit or feel as well.

How many bras do you own? When I was pregnant and nursing Lucky, I had 3 bras. They were identical to each other. I simply rotated them equally, as I didn't identify any single one as being superior to the other's for some mysterious and impossible-to-quantify reason. When I stopped nursing and my milk and bosoms dried up, I tried a few different styles from different manufacturers and stores. I liked one particular bra from Target, but their selection was always spotty. I found one at Wal-mart and liked it. I returned and bought 2 more. A few weeks ago, I realized that 3 bras might not be a sufficient supply for 7 days at Disney World, so I got 2 more. (I would have gladly made the trek to Target - not in my town - to buy more from them, but W-M beat them for simply having the inventory and selection - every single time.)

Do you wash your undies in the washing machine?

Do you dry them in the drier with your other clothes?

I wash mine in the same load as towels and socks and pajamas. But I fish out my bras and lay them atop my drier to dry. I've somehow convinced myself that this lengthens their life. Nevermind that I have the most abusive washing machine in the world. It can turn a pair of blue jeans INSIDE OUT. I've never figured out how. I just know that I've removed jeans from the washer that were right-side out when they went in, only to find them inside out when the cycle is complete. My bras are safer and in better shape because they never go in the drier.

When I sit on the toilet - not that I'm on the toilet now, nooooo. ahem. - I raise my feet up and only put my toes on the floor. It's a comfort thing. It's not a phobia thing. I'm not afraid to touch the floor with my whole foot. The good Lord knows I'm not skeered of the germs on my bathroom floors. I've laid on them many hours, begging the pukes to stop.

I have chronic dry lips. I used medicated chap-stick for years -which, interestingly enough, causes your lips to only dry out more - thinking I could fix what biting my lips was doing. I just need to stop biting my lips.

I bit my fingernails until I was in the 3rd grade. Then, one day, I decided that I would quit, and I did. Now, I only bite the nail on my left thumb. This drives The Mighty Hunter crazy. My left thumb was squished off when I was in the 4th grade and is misshapen with a very thick nail that I can barely trim with clippers. So, I bite it from time to time.

When I was in high school, I over-tweezed my eyebrows, until I looked like a freak. A friend told me her dad said that she was prettier than me because of my eyebrows. I let them grow back in. I was not going to allow over-plucked brows keep me the ugly friend. She still has bushy brows and crooked teeth and her head is as big as a horse's. She scared me the last time I saw her in W-M, with her big horse head.

Why do some people gain weight on their heads?

Did you know that some people are allergic to certain brands of toilet paper? (Hey, M!) And some of those people have wonderful friends who deliver a package of dye-free tp to them at their new job. And then those friends call the tp-allergic friends and quote Ray Steven's songs while the boss is standing in front of them.

I sang along with Beyonce's "Single Ladies" song today, with Sissy sitting next to me in the Pimped Out Mamamobile. Should I have done that? Is that a song that is appropriate for my 8 year-old to hear her 22 year-old mommy sing along with?

Shut up, I can say I'm 22 if I want to.

I'm through now.

You're very welcome.

Things I've seen lately and liked

2009-03-09T09:16:00.000-07:00

Ben Stein on CBS Sunday Morning News yesterday...

And Michael Phelps ad in my Kohl's email from yesterday...

Yesterday was a good day. Donchathink?

What June Cleaver thinks of me...

2009-03-07T13:36:00.000-08:00

http://junecleaverafterasix-pack.blogspot.com/2009/03/just-to-give-you-idea.html?showComment=1236204000000#c1582313432783140104

It's sad that this type of thing that make me happy.

Very very sad.

No need to call the HAZMAT team

2009-03-06T07:23:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I took a large black garbage bag, a backpack, a reusable shopping bag and a duffel bag. With these important items, Sissy and I cleaned out the Pimped-out Mamamobile.

We threw away receipts from the beginning of time. Stickers from every single stinkin' day of kindergarten, first and second grades. Candy wrappers. Snot rags. Shriveled-up french fry crumbs. Old, used flosser sticks. Straws. Napkins. Spoons. Forks.

We dug out jackets, loose change, toys, batteries, notepads, pencils, pens, clothes pins, socks, pacifiers, crayons (gasp!!!), empty dvd cases, dvds, and a million other things.

You can see the carpet in the van again.

You can see the carpet in the van desperately needs cleaning.

You can step walk from the side doors to the back seats without crushing something or breaking an ankle.

You can sit in the seats without wondering if you'll have crumbs on your butt.

You can ride without feeling the urge to wear a surgical mask or hang your head out the window.

The garbage bag wasn't full.

But the backpack, reusable shopping bag and duffel bag were full.

Now I've just got to find a place in the house to put those things that were stored in the van.

This completely ruins my organizational plan!!!

channelling my inner Scarlet O'hara: Whatever will I do???

I'm sharing... 'cause it's the Christian thing to do

2009-03-03T21:40:00.000-08:00

I have a favorite sandwich that I like to have for lunch. It's nothing exotic. It's nothing interesting. It's nothing much, except yummy.

And because I'm a wonderful, loving person, I'm sharing my sandwich recipe with you, my bloggy friends.

Sun-dried tomato basil wrap
6-8 slices of brown sugar ham
Ranch dressing or Santa Fe Wrap mixture (I skip the olives when I make it.)
shredded cheddar cheese
fresh green onions (only the green part)
fresh basil (chopped fine)

Preheat a skillet to medium-high heat. Microwave the ham until it steams (approx. 15 seconds.) Spread a small amount of ranch or Santa Fe Wrap Mixture onto the center of the wrap. Plop the ham onto the center of the wrap.

You must "plop" it. If you don't "plop" it, it will instantly become rancid and your toenails will grow crooked summer.

Sprinkle cheese, onions and basil on top of the ham.

"Sprinkling" is also required.

Fold the wrap into a square. Gently place the wrap into the skillet, allowing it to turn golden brown. Turn our wrap over and heat the other side.

Do not burn your delicious sandwich. You will cry and wish you would just curl up and die.

If you have succeeded in making this work of edible art, eat it and come back here to let me know what you thought.

Did you add or skip any ingredients?

Crisis

2009-03-01T11:34:00.000-08:00

The life and world as we have known it - at least for MY life - will be changing. And it may be ending. I don't remember who said it, but I remember a very profound quote: "We are living in a nation where the belief in God and heaven and hell has ended. I can't think of anything more hopeless than to live believing that there is nothing left for us after this life."

And this is the crisis we face. Our nation is filled with hopeless people.

Hopelessness is a lack of faith. Faith in one's God, one's self, others. Faith in life itself.

If we don't have faith, don't believe in anything or anyone, then there is no reason to work, to play, to grow, to experience, to encourage, to live.

We are becoming a nation of wimps. We are so dadgummed afraid to offend someone, that we will intimidate into silence those who speak the truth. We are so accustomed to coddling those who will not take responsibility for their actions, that we bail them out of every jam they get themselves into. We are so convinced that those have who never provided for themselves can't, so we prop them up and arrange the world around them, perpetuating the cycle. We give birth to children and never allow them to mature and become adults; adults who support themselves and do not rely on government agencies or charities to save their tails. We teach them that the phrase "government of the people, by the people and for the people" means that government is there to take care of them. To provide for them.

What happened to us?

We have gone from the Greatest Generation to Flower Children to Generation X. Did the Greatest Generation not pass on to their descendents the traits that allowed them to overcome so many difficulties, conquer such evil, create vast industry, and witness incredible progress? Did us, as those who stride in the shadows of that age that overcame so much, rely upon their accomplishments and become lazy?

Or did we reach that point of diminishing returns? Did we build and spend and borrow until we created an excess that offends even our own selfish, spoiled sensibilities?

I am well aware of the complexities of the economic issues that our nation and the world face. I am not arrogant enough to claim to grasp even a small portion of it. It is greater than I.

Yet my Lord is greater than any financial, housing, mortgage or military crisis that we face today or tomorrow. I have confidence in knowing that this world is not all there is. I have faith that when my heart stops beating and my lungs stop breathing, my soul will leave my body and this Earth and go to another place. This other place is where I will meet my Lord. This other place is where I will account for the things I have done in this life.

I know these things. I believe these things. I have faith.

A sad fact is that even if others don't believe as I do, they will still face the same accounting. Believing in God is not a requirement for his existence. Denying Him does not eliminate Him.

I have decided that many in our country who rely upon others, when they are capable of doing for themselves, do not have faith in themselves. They lack this faith because they never saw it lived out before them. They lack this faith because we have told they are "underprivileged" and "disadvantaged" and "discriminated against."

I am not saying that discrimination has ended. It has not.

I'm saying that discrimination has been the excuse of choice. I'm saying that we should stop making excuses for others. I'm saying that they should stop accepting those excuses. I'm saying that ALL of us should stop making excuses for why we haven't achieved the things of which we are truly capable. There is no excuse for not doing what we can do.

As long as you hold on to excuses, you can't begin to believe in yourself. Why should you? You're underprivileged, disadvantaged and discriminated against. If you can't believe in yourself, then faith will forever elude you. And without faith, you will have no hope.

We can talk about change. We can talk about believing. We can talk about hope. But until we have hope in the Right Thing, hope in the Truth, we will always be looking for something more. We will always be looking for some magical change to make things easier, better, nicer. We will believe lies.

My perspective on all things political and economic right now centers on faith. We, as a nation, have placed our faith in things that are temporal. We have failed to remember Who allows each breath and to worship Him for that and the endless list of other gifts. I honestly believe that God is teaching a lesson to those of us who will learn. He is reminding us that this world is His creation, and He, alone, controls it. He is letting us see the flaws in the systems that we have planned and the programs we have in place. He is allowing us to fail so that we can learn from our mistakes.

There are those who will disagree with me. That's fine. This is my blog, and I'll say what I want. I've been pretty quiet lately. I haven't had anything on my mind that I felt was even remotely interesting or memorable to share. But this - our Crisis of Faith - has been nagging at me for days. I don't know that I have shared it effectively. I've simply let my thoughts flow out my fingers.

Just remember that we are in this together. If we spend money we don't have, then what must we sacrifice to afford it and repay it? Are we not doing the same with our federal spending that we criticize in those who borrowed more than they could afford to repay? Are we not in effect "maxing out our credit cards?" Who will preside over the federal government's bankruptcy? China? Saudi Arabia? Some other wealthy country whose ideals and beliefs are not compatible with ours? In an effort to appease those who can't pay their bills (many through no fault of their own), are we signing a promissary note that will haunt our children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren for the rest of their lives?

I don't know the answers. But I am honestly concerned that there are people making decisions about our money - YOUR MONEY and MINE - that have no real understanding of what they are doing.

What part of increasing our deficit don't they understand?

That's all.

Thankyouverymuch. (stepping off soapbox. smiling sheepishly.)

And if you have stuck with me this long, you deserve a "reward" of some kind. Here's some silliness I captured around our house lately.

I have no explanation for this...

He is convinced he is Cookie Monster when he wears this. And Cookie Monster sounds a lot like a horse.

Somehow I knew exactly what it meant

2009-02-21T13:20:00.000-08:00

The Mighty Hunter hates texting. He has a Blackberry, which I hate. Dozens of tiny little buttons. Stupid scrolly button. Stupid not-a-real-browser.

I miss my iPhone. It had good-sized buttons. It had a real browser. It made sense.

Alas, the realities of paying your own cell phone bill.

What was I saying? I'm a little feverish today and have been a little out of my head and more forgetful than normal.

text from The Mighty Hunter...

Today I got a text from him. It consisted of some numbers, the word "gutter".

When he called, I knew what he wanted. I knew he was out reinspecting a claim and didn't have anything to write with or on.

I knew he wanted me to send the text back to him.

Yes, I explained to him that he could just look in his sent items. Yes, he admitted he didn't know where that was.

I explained that there were probably a few ways he could have made this note in his phone without pestering me in the middle of my fevers and unrest.

Yet, it made perfect sense that he would text me from Connecticut and ask me to help him keep up with some random information.

This is the same man who would call me from Backwoods, Alabama, to ask me a phone number.

Because I almost never forget a number.

Even when I have a fever.

Final Farewell

2009-02-20T07:09:00.000-08:00

On a day like this, I feel it appropriate to say a few thank-you's and farewells.

I want to say thank you to The Mighty Hunter for going to work in Connecticut (or as his spellcheck corrected it: Coneticute). His absence will somehow make my departure less painful. All he will have to do is clean up the mess of tissues and cough drop wrappers.

I want to thank Beboo for starting all this. Without you, Lucky, Sissy and I wouldn't have caught SARS. I'll leave you with a request to help The Mighty Hunter clean up and care for my motherless children.

I want to thank Lucky and Sissy for coughing and snotting all over me. One day, you'll regret it. Probably when you realize your daddy has no idea how to brush little girl hair or pick out clothes that slightly match or coordinate or how to pull hair up into a semi-smooth ponytail (btw, Sissy, you should just prepare to cut all your hair off, it'll be much easier that way.) Lucky, you'll have an easier time of it.

I want to thank our pediatrician for accepting my 2 copays earlier this week to confirm that this is a VIRUS, without proven antiviral medications, and that it will "run its course in a few days." This will save another copay for myself and help me in choosing which pain medication to take.

I want to thank my bloggy friends for NOT making me sick. None of you are on my "you suck" list.

I will now click "PUBLISH POST" now and die.

Cutting off my nose to spite my Facebook

2009-02-18T21:20:00.000-08:00

Do you remember when I wrote about my conflicts with reconnecting with those who used to be friends, In Real Life, via Facebook?

Well, I stayed in FB and became quite the addict. I absolutely enjoyed checking it often to see what IRL friends and bloggy friends were doing, Right Now. I loved seeing what they wrote in their 25 and 44 things and One Word and For The Moms. I loved seeing pictures of their life and adventures and families. The chat feature was probably the best I've ever messed with.

Then FB went and did this. They changed their Terms Of Use to claim "license" to anything and everything I ever posted (public and private), allowing them to reuse, reprint and recycle MY content for their purposes without any further consent from or compensation to me.

Not cool, Facebook. Not cool at all.

I posted the link to the article and wrote on my Wall about how upset I was. Through a bloggy friend (yo!) I was invited to join a protest group. I invited every single 80+ FB friend to join this group. Within a couple of hours, a status report said that 14 of those friends had already joined this group.

Late last night, while FB chatting with a friend from high school, I saw that FB had temporarily reversed their Terms Of Use to where they do not claim that license on my FB account and anything and everything I put up there.

I copied and pasted these new/old TOU and saved them within a document that had a screenshot of their reversal and apology.

Immediately, I removed every photo tag that referenced me. I deleted every single picture and video I had posted. I deleted all my personal information. I deactivated my account.

I can go overboard in protest, it's not a new realization. I don't watch John Travolta or Tom Cruise for similar reasons. Same for Dixie Chicks and Kanye West. (While they can worship and speak however they choose, I can spend my money and time however I choose also.)

So, today, I have gone into FB withdrawals.

I wonder if my friends will miss me.

I wonder if they even noticed my last post, telling them I was jumping ship.

I wonder if that post is still out there, telling FB exactly how I feel.

I wonder if my high school reunion will get planned without me. No, I won't be going. I just would like to contribute my opinions and attempt to ruin it for those FB friends who weren't real friends in real life. Not that I'd really try to sabotage their fun, but thinking about it is fun for me.

**********

There's a very large man with very long, ugly, black hair and YELLOW EYESHADOW on Letterman singing with a very bad voice about a baby boy.

ADD much?

**********

How much sleep should a mom, whose husband is back at work, in Connecticut, expect to get when both her kids are on prednisone?

Surprisingly, they're sleeping great. Me? Not so much.

I've found my calling

2009-02-17T10:02:00.000-08:00

I think I could get a job for all the drug companies in the world making up names for their new medications.

I could certainly do as good as "abilify" for depression symptoms.

Or "extenz" for that manly product.

And who was resonsible for naming a PMS product "mydol". As dense as The Mighty Hunter is, he knows not to call me "my doll" during my grumpy days.

Here goes some rough drafts...

"Kutrjus" for vaginal dryness.

"Chopoffmyhed" for migraines.

"Nokrup" for infertility.

"Shutup" for tinitis.

"Nosnot" for allergies and runny-noses.

Anyone else want to join my business venture?

That was fast!

2009-02-17T08:05:00.000-08:00

Wow! Alyson guessed right! (Do I know you Alyson? wondering what I might have blogged that would be incriminating that Alyson could use in blackmailing me.)

Blondie also guessed right.

I'll give each of you a design. Just email me for your coupon code: keris cards (at) g mail (dot) com (Remove the spaces and fix the "at" and "dot".)

Girl #1 was a good friend. I talk to her on Facebook a little.

#2 is me. Good grief at my hair. It was quite the hairspray and permed helmet.

#3 is Sissy's phys ed coach now. She does triathalons. I hate her. But only for her athleticism. She's a great person.

#4 was an exchange student from Germany. I don't know where she is now.

#5 one of those girls who was already a Lady. I wish I knew where she is now.

#6 is an attorney. I don't know if she still goes to the tanning salon everyday or not.

#7 was a very close friend. Again, I've lost contact with her.

#8 was head cheerleader and my arch-nemesis. She has 4 kids now and is in a nearby big town. I have contact with her via FB.

#9 was my equal in leading the band. (Yes, I was a band geek. I was drum major, aka head band geek.)

#10 If it's who I think it is, I don't know where she is.

Where's Waldo Keri?

2009-02-16T21:09:00.000-08:00

I'm in this photograph. If you can find me, I will give you a very valuable prize.*

*Well, maybe not "very valuable". Probably not even a little bit "valuable." I'll give the correct guesser (is that a word?) a free card design from my Etsy shop. Heck, you may not want to even look at all that over-sprayed, over-teased, over-permed 1988 hair. Still, one of you will win a stinkin' old card design. This contest will continue until someone guesses right or the rapture; whichever comes first.

Please Mr. Custer, I don't wanna go!

2009-02-15T17:59:00.000-08:00

We have our appointment with our new CPA tomorrow. The CPA we used until now will live forever on the list of people who treated us like wormdirt since we closed the business.

The new CPA doesn't have a high hurdle to leap. He only has to NOT be a jerk. But my experience with CPAs is worse than attorneys, and I'm not very optimistic.

We have no idea what to expect with our tax liability this year. It could be good. It could be earth-shatteringly bad.

We do know that Napoleon (the former business partner) has not repaid us a penny for the debts we have paid out of our pockets, taxes included. So Napoleon is Auburn Family Enemy #1.

I'd like to leave all this behind us soon. And have hope in the Lord that it will happen SOON. I do believe that the bankruptcy will finalize March 18.

Which reminds me that in 25 days, we will leave for Walt Disney World! squeeee!!! WDW's theme this year is "What will you celebrate?" It will be a silently-observed celebration, but we will celebrate the bankruptcy while we are there.

Is that crazy?

Probably, but I'm ok with crazy.

**

I've been pretty blank lately. (She explains, embarassed that she hasn't posted very much at all in a few weeks.) Not that there hasn't been things that I could post. Oh, there's definitely been drama; hre in our house and in the houses of our friends (Hey, M! Luvya!)

I suppose I could share with you some bargains I've scored... (She offers, even more embarassed than she was before.)

2 pairs of jeans for $15 each at our Goody's store (bankruptcy. all stores closing.)
battery for dvd-camera for $54 (regular $80) at Circuit City (ditto)
ADORABLE blue, pin-striped 3-pc suit (with shirt and tie) for Lucky for Easter $25 at Sam's.
Beautiful dress for Sissy for Easter $38 at Sam's.

My bargain hunting hasn't been that good, either.

Sorry. February's a good month, so far. It's just not good fodder for blogging.

Happy Valentine's Day from Me to YOU!!!

2009-02-13T11:41:00.000-08:00

My gift to you is to share a recipe.

My Mom's Fudge

6 T butter
4 T milk
1 box powdered sugar, sifted
1/2 c cocoa
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 c pecans (optional, may substitute your favorite nut)

Line a small dish with wax paper and rub with butter. Set aside.

Using a double-boiler (or some similar contraption you create with two pans and boiling water,) melt butter. Add milk. Blend in sugar and cocoa. When completely blended and no lumps are left, add vanilla. Pour onto wax paper and spread and smooth. Sprinkle with pecans. Allow to cool.

Eat it all up.

Slip into coma.

Dream happy, rich, fudgy dreams.

You're welcome!

Learn from me and all my wisdom

2009-02-13T06:51:00.000-08:00

Lesson One:
If you're late and want to start your period, go spend $20 on the "most advanced piece of technology you'll ever pee on".

Within an hour of getting the joyful "not pregnant" news, you will start bleeding, a la stuck hog.

Please do not try this at home. No animals were harmed in the making of this fool. I am professional idiot.

But I'm a very relieved idiot.

ThankyouJesus.

timing

2009-02-11T17:49:00.000-08:00

I'm late in the way that a mom with an 8 y-o daughter and a 2 y-o son and a husband that travels for work, 10 days out of 14, doesn't want to be late.

I'm not that late yet.

But that doesn't really matter, does it?

And anxiety breeds anxiety, doesn't it?

************

And, yes. This is about as much as I can produce in the way of a post lately. Yesterday's post was probably the most profound thought that occurred to me all day.

Tired

2009-02-10T17:47:00.000-08:00

Somedays there is just not enough chocolate to get me through without wanting to bang my head against the wall.

Warm and fuzzy squishy

2009-02-07T22:50:00.000-08:00

Last night, as I lay waiting for sleep to finally relieve my mind and body from the day's worries and weariness, I felt my belly. I was surprised how soft my skin is there. I gave myself a little pinchy-squeeze and thought about how squishy it is now. I wondered if it would ever be firm again. It has been firm most of my life.

For many years, I exercised and enjoyed having firm muscles in my stomach from that insanity. I don't know if I'll ever have firmness in m stomach like I did then. And that is ok.

When I was pregnant with Sissy, I thought I had never seen a harder stomach. This tummy was rounded and taut in a completely different way than it had ever been before. It was not flat and firm like it used to be, but very full and unbelievably large. There were strange and mysterious bulges that had the distinct feeling of toes trying to poke their way through their hiding place. Rounded, sometimes pointy bumps would glide from one spot to another. The large, roundness was often lop-sided. She clearly preferred lying on one side of my tummy more than the other. Which side she preferred, I forget. And just when it couldn't get any larger and I could no longer see my toes, Sissy was born, and the soft squishiness came.

I tried. to some degree. to exercise and get my tummy firm and flat again. I have to confess that any firmness or degree of flatness was the result of God's pity on me and not my vanity. I wasn't totally committed to the crunches anymore. I'd rather play with Sissy, and they just plain hurt. I tried to devote myself to recovering my flat tummy again. Billy Blanks and his back-in-the-day-of-VHS-tapes Tae Bo kicked my tail. It also kicked The Mighty Hunter's tail one night as I defended Sissy from some threatening strangers in my sleep. He wasn't terribly surprised when we put two and two together about his sore shins and ribs and my bad dream. Early in our marriage, I had elbowed my way through a crowd in my sleep, giving him very sore ribs for days afterward.

A few years later, we decided that it was time to grow our family - and my tummy again. Interestingly, it happened in April, just like with Sissy. Knowing that Sissy was a fairly large first baby, 8.5 lbs, I was prepared for another large baby and the stretched-taut tummy that carried it. I wasn't disappointed.

Sissy was amused with my growth. Everyday, she would "measure" me with a hug. Near the end of the pregnancy, she gave up tryiing to reach around me. I was just too big. When Lucky began to move and wiggle and kick and probe, she would hold her hand on top of the bulges, giggling with delight.

The Mighty Hunter never liked to feel either baby move. He can be quite a wussy. Yet, he would humor me, only to yank his hand away and shiver and shake and make me laugh at his wimpiness. He's the perfect example of how men can be weaker than their wives, yet totally still be dudes.

The day Lucky was born, was hard on my tummy. I was pretty sick: fainting and puking way too much for everyone's nerves. I had the nurses on their toes and my family on the edge of their chairs. The little nurse's aid, training to work on the labor and delivery floor, was sent in to massage my tummy, to help me complete my delivery. I was terribly sore. I had bled a lot and was very weak and not very cooperative with her efforts. She quit, and only one of us was crying - me. I simply couldn't stand to feel anyone touching my tummy at all. Why couldn't they have done this massage thing while I still had the epidural?

When I went back in the hospital a week later for a d&c due to "retained matter" (sorry, gross, I know), I wasn't surprised and knew that the off-the-scale sensitivity of my tummy after delivery had contributed to the situation. My post-partum contractions had intensified after weakening, and I was running a high fever. I was very sick. I have a great OB, who spoke to me from his home and told me to come on in, he'd take care of everything and not to worry and I'd get a really good nap the next morning and would be feeling much better in 48 hours. He was right. Poor thing, though. I had been contracting so much and so feverish, I was unshowered and sticky from sweat and probably very smelly. The Mighty Hunter stayed in my hospital room with Lucky and cried, scared of the dreaded General Anesthesia and its calculable risks of death and the prospect of raising a newborn and a 6 year-old alone. (Yes, he can spread the drama quite heavy sometimes.) It all went well, though, and after leaving recovery and returning to my room for an hour or so, we went home to sleep away the fear and worry.

(Why did I feel compelled to share that?)

So, now, two years later - 2 YEARS LATER! how can that be?? - I feel the squishiness of my tummy and love it. I love that when Lucky is very tired, he will pull my shirt-tail up and gently pinch my squishy belly-button. I love that when I look in the mirror, I look like a woman and not a girl who has never experienced the love and heartbreak and joy and abundance of pride that resulted from my once-firm, then-taut-and-round, now-squishy belly.

It's all good. Soft, squishy good.

January has been good to us...

2009-01-28T21:39:00.000-08:00

We celebrated a few birthdays...

We had a better time than what this might indicate...

We ate some delicious cakes...

The big hatchet-knife was for the cake, I promise.

And then, yesterday, we got 2 pieces of great news. 2 creditors have dropped their lawsuits fighting the bankruptcy. In a matter of weeks, it will be over. Our future lies ahead, and I, for one, am ready to run into its waiting arms.

Thank you, Jesus.

Countdown to Weekend o' Birthday Parties

2009-01-21T20:02:00.000-08:00

Today I cleaned my kitchen counters. I'd show you before and after pictures, but you'd call social services on me and probably the health department. Satisfy yourself with this: I have FREE COUNTER SPACE!!!

There are still crayons tossed about the living room floor. And blocks. And a couple of Blue dolls. Oh, and 30 trains and trucks. But they're next in my cross-hairs.

I made sausage cheese balls and peanut butter cookies. The sausage cheese balls are for the parties. The peanut butter cookies are for binging. (No, they're not on the recall list. I checked.)

I remembered that I don't have Rotel. W-M was sold out of it.

SOLD OUT OF ROTEL. I know, the world is coming to an end.

So, I made a grocery list. I've decided that the country blue dish drainer rack and water-catching-thingy are history and will be replaced TOMORROW!

Laundry is caught up, but Sissy failed to fold and put away the socks and towels. So, I still have 2 baskets to deal with. Oh, and when The Mighty Hunter returns there will be more (MORE!!!) clothes to wash.

The joy that this thought brings me is indescribable.

How do you spell "indescribable"?

I don't have wrapping paper. How can I have 2 children born within 5 days of each other and not have wrapping paper for their gifts? I have 3 lbs of sausage and 3 lbs of Velveeta. Wrapping paper? On the list.

I removed from my wall 2 hideous decorative baskets that have hung there forever. I did not hang them there. They were there when we moved in, and I haven't had the chance/guts/will/desperate urge to remove them until tonight. Also, an ugly wooden duck decorative towel holder that hung over my kitchen sink is gone.

I'm a rebel, y'all.

Sissy's birthday gift added to our already enviously-beautiful living room furniture collection. A purple bean-bag gaming chair.

If our house is burglarized, I'll know that it was one of you two readers, coming after that bean-bag chair. (I'm watching you.)

Tomorrow, I will go with a friend who is looking for his first job out of high school (he's here till he deploys to Afghanistan in November). I know a mechanic in the area that would allow for him an introduction and possibly an interview and HOPEFULLY a job. Pray for him, please.

After that fun, I will dash to the store to get Rotel and a dish drainer rack and water-catching-thingy and milk. Then I will make sure that the balloons are ordered and get the decorations gathered and the floors vacuumed and the sheets on the guest bed changed.

Did I mention that we will have over-night guests in the middle of the Weekend O' Birthday Parties? Of course, we will. What else would you expect from us?

Friday is Sissy's school birthday party, too. At noon, I will report to the lunchroom and pick up the school dietician-approved and federal lunchroom-standards-meeting still cold from thawing chocolate cake, bags of chips and bottles of water. I will bark orders to The Mighty Hunter to either push Lucky in the stroller or tote the cake to the classroom (at the end of the last hall) and smile! and hurry! and hush!

Friday morning I will pick up both birthday cakes from the home of the lady who is making them. I have tried for 7 years to get her to make Sissy's cakes but never managed to call her early enough. This year, I will just have to try to find her house.

I will also cook My Mom's Microwaved Meatballs (with a cheat, because I use frozen meatballs and put them in the crockpot), and rotel cheese dip and little weenies and something else I can't think of at this moment. All to take to the party that night.

We will hang Christmas lights and sparkly banners and tape balloons everywhere and set out toy microphones (farewell Club Libby Lu! thanks for the closeouts!) and stay out of the karaoke guy's way and move tables and set up chairs into rows (because "a concert has row seats, Mommy. You know, front row, next to front row, behind that row and way back there row.")

So, if you miss me around here, over the next few days, just know that somehow I also plan on doing Lucky's 2nd birthday slide show and post pictures of both parties. So, I'll be back.

Unless I party myself to death.

Which is a calculated possibility. Call the insurance company and increase my life insurance.

Sisters

2009-01-20T23:02:00.001-08:00

I want to put this down before I forget.

I grew up with an older brother, who tortured me endlessly. I didn't have any sisters. Over the past few months, I have found sisterhood with 3 women who amaze me with their friendship, humor, love, devotion, acceptance, honesty and willingness-to-conspire-against-our-men.

One of them is going through an unbelievably difficult time. She is the "tough" one. But instead of beating me up, she tolerates my amateur psychoanalysis. She has let me in and allowed me to help her by bearing her pain with her. She resists revealing her suffering, but she can't fathom how much it means to me that she trusts me in this way.

Thank you, M. In our sisterhood, our burdens are lightened as we share them with each other. I love you.

Please don't beat me up.

475

2009-01-20T14:02:00.000-08:00

This is my 475th post. It's ridiculous that I have found this much crap to talk about.

RIDICULOUS!

Yet, this post will be important. This post is merely a stage for presenting my slideshow reminiscing over the past year in Sissy's life.

Sissy's 8th birthday slideshow from auburngalalways on Vimeo.

In other news, it seems that President Obama's inauguration has silenced the unsilenceable - bloggers. What's up with us? Are we speechless? Are we watching the longest parade in history? Are we asleep? Are we building bomb shelters? Are we storing up seeds so we plant gardens this summer? Are we shut down by Big Brother?

"I can see in the dark like a ..."

2009-01-18T09:38:00.000-08:00

Last night, Sissy called for help from the bathroom. The roll of toilet paper had rolled away from her.

I went to rescue her and found that she also needed to turn on the bathroom lights.

you're in the dark.

"I can see better in the dark."

no you can't.

"Sure I can! I'm like a horse and a dog and a cat and a mountain lion and a ..."

skunk?

(I couldn't make this stuff up, people.)

Earlier in the day, I played with her hair to see if I could get it to curl and do that cute low-slung ponytail, hanging over the shoulder look. It took a lot of hairspray, but I got close enough to try it for her birthday party.

"Mom, don't use that much hairspray on my hair anymore, ok?"

why?

"I was down here and you were up there and I tripped and caught my hair on the arm of the bench and it got stuck and it pulled and I had to pull it loose with my hand and it hurt."

ok, baby.

Heavy hearted

2009-01-17T19:19:00.000-08:00

I learned a little bit ago that a dear friend lost her dad today in a very tragic way. Please pray for this family. They have a whirlwind of pain and sadness ahead of them.

A Glimpse Inside My Head

2009-01-17T15:44:00.000-08:00

alternate title:
"Run For Your Lives! She's Spreadsheeting Again!"

p.s.

Sissy helped me make my very first quiche last night. It was super easy, if just a little too buttery.

3 eggs

1/2 c. Bisquick

1 1/2 c. milk

1/2 c. melted butter

Salt & pepper

1 c. chopped ham, sausage or bacon, cooked

3/4 c. grated Cheddar cheese

3/4 c. grated Swiss cheese (I didn't have any Swiss, so I did what any self-respecting SAHM would do and used Velveeta.)

Put first 5 ingredients in blender and mix. Pour into 10 inch greased pie plate. Add meat and cheeses. Bake 45 minutes at 350 degrees. Let stand 10 minutes before serving. Serves 4-6. (Makes its own crust.)

I should have listened to Nancy Reagan

2009-01-16T06:15:00.000-08:00

But I'm clearly not smart enough. So, I gave in to peer pressure, didn't "just say no" and joined facebook anyway. And, now, I'm addicted.

It's actually fun. My brother and 2 of my 3 adopted sisters and lots of people from my past and bloggy present are there. I've reconnected with people that I truly have missed over the past several years. At the same time, there are those who have found me that represent painful times in my life.

And, yesterday, I added Miss Betraying-Best-Friend-From-High-School (Bbffhs) as a facebook friend.

I'm ambivalent about her. While I truly believe that letting go of bitterness and giving forgiveness is the only way to live happy and be free from pain, it was hard to click on her and begin any communication with her even after all these years.

I feel petty and childish and silly and ridiculous. I'm certain that she is unaware of how I feel about her. I am also certain that she would be totally surprised that I feel resentment toward her at all.

Another friend from high school had suggested I add Miss Bbffhs several days before I broke down and did it. I actually had no intentions of doing it. I was just going to let her see me in the friend lists of other people and wonder about me. I was going to ignore her if she requested I add her as a friend. I was going to be very mature about the whole thing.

Then yesterday, while showering, I decided that I should just get over my high school self and add her. I can rise above the things she said and did ~~those 20~~ a couple years ago. I can forgive her and forget the pain that she caused.

Because it was 20 years ago, and for the love of chocolate, GET OVER IT ALREADY! And, also, I'm very mature.

So, I added Miss Bbffhs to my list of friends at facebook. She was our class president and will be planning our ~~20th~~ reunion. I hope they have a great time. I will not be there.

So, while I can add her to my facebook friends, I won't go and pretend that I want to spend time with her and other betraying friends from high school.

Did I mention that I'm very mature?

it must have been an explosion or thirty, but I KNOW there was a flood!

2009-01-15T07:02:00.000-08:00

My living room and bedroom and kitchen are disasters.

The toys never seem to stay put away.

The baskets of clean clothes are like the loaves of fish and bread that Jesus had the disciples to distribute to the crowd.

The ironing never gets done ahead of time and just seems to hang around until I have 2 minutes to iron what we are about to wear.

The dirty dishes in the sink seem to multiply like some dirty, smelly rabbits.

The hunting supplies are strewn around the house as The Mighty Hunter has sorted and selected and organized and sniffed and snarled and maybe even gagged, and I've washed and washed.

Our ancient big screen tv is at the repair shop. In its place, atop the coffee table, sits a 25" with beautiful color and no flashing screen. The tangle of cables and cords that is hanging on the floor behind it causes me anxiety.

And I won't even begin to discuss the condition of our garage.

I may have to have a sleep aid tonight, due to the stress of it all. At least that's my reasoning.

I leave you this to enjoy...

just sharing the joy that is my life

2009-01-12T06:52:00.001-08:00

There are parts of my day that could happen only to a SAHM. If you've ever been one, you know what I mean. Well, lucky you, I'm going to share one that I think is probably unique to me and Lucky.

I'll start with what is happening THIS VERY SECOND.

I'm in the bathroom. I was chatting with my brother via messenger when the urge hit, so I did what any internet and laptop addicted person would do. I brought the laptop with me.

This very second, Lucky is yanking on me to get him an "APPPLLLE!!!!! AAAAAAPPPLLLLEEEEE!!!"

As is his habit when he follows me to the bathroom, he starts to tear tiny pieces of toilet paper off the roll and stuff it between my legs into the toilet. Today, his hands are cold. When I notified him of the very frigid state of his hands, he shrugs his shoulders up high, pooches his lips out, shivers and says, "cooooooooollllllld!!! hehe! coooooooooooooooolllllllllllllld!!!" Then continued stuffing bits of paper between my legs with his cooooollllllddddd hands.

And since The Mighty Hunter is on a plane ON HIS WAY HOME, I can't call him to share this funny story. Lucky you.

Also there's this...

Which means that if you're reading this, you must comment. It's blogging law. If someone created a graphic, you must obey!

new sucker

2009-01-11T19:34:00.000-08:00

New Hotness. (I promise the toys were picked up off the floor only 10 minutes before this!) (That is a Johnny Bravo episode on the almost-dead tv.) (Doesn't everyone put their coffee table right in front of their tv?)

See this little thing. It may be the best invention since blogging. It cleaned my stairs in .2 seconds flat.

New hotness can clean all my floors! Woot!

See my beautiful, long cord.

Is it vulgar to point out the long hose too?

According to Consumer Reports, this Kenmore is the best upright. period. The Dyson Absolute Animal was like #9! CR said this could be found for $350. I got it at my local Sears for $229 plus tax, tag and title. I also found a super little toy tool set for Lucky's birthday for half price! Out the door for less than $280.

Oh yeeeeeaaaaaaahhhhh!

I may actually be motivated to vacuum more now.

don't get your hopes up.

ps - if you turn the AC on in January as you vacuum with you New Hotness, you won't get sweaty at all and won't need to shower. Besides, I will shower and SHAVE MY LEGS tomorrow morning. yesmaamIwill.

of sleeping late and snugglin'

2009-01-11T08:17:00.000-08:00

Yesterday and this morning, Lucky has awakened about 7am. He pats me somewhere about the head and face and starts talking. Yesterday, he actually got out of bed and found one of Sissy's tiny, little puppies and brought it back to the bed, barking his high-pitched bark and asking for "haaaalp" to get back in bed with me.

The puppies walked around on top of my head and face and shoulders for a few minutes before deciding it was unwise to completely wake the sleeping mommy-monster. So, they all went back to sleep again and slept until 10.

And so did I.

This morning, he didn't get out of bed to find the tiny, little puppies but still woke early, to find me and say "night night, Sissy night night, Mommy night night, night night!" He went night night himself and slept till 9:45.

The Mighty Hunter called to wake me up. I don't know why he feels like he has to make sure I'm awake at whatever time he determines is the Time To Wake Keri. He needs to leave me alone and let me sleep while I can.

srsly

Sissy and I snuggled up close and she talked about the 20 horses she would have after she and her rock star band gets rich. She also rambled on and on about how she would have a waterfall invention in her room that hid a secret room behind it. The secret room would have a hand-print lock that worked only with her hand, to keep boys out. And there would be a rock wall for her to climb so that she could quickly leave her room and go straight outside to her 20 horses. Of those 20 horses, Spirit and Rain would be her favorites. Spirit would either be a Bay or all black or all white.

Then Lucky woke up and snuggled up close to my back. He stretched his arm around so that he could touch me on the neck (aka goosle). This baby never bonded with a blanket or a stuffed animal or anything except his pappy (pacifier) and the goosle of those he loves. When you pick him up, he immediately puts one or both hands on your goosle and either pets you or holds you or pinches you.

It makes me keep his nails cut short.

So, today, I will go to W-M to buy groceries for the week. Tomorrow The Mighty Hunter will fly home from Louisville, and I've promised him my Famous Lasagna. I also have to buy a new vacuum cleaner. My old one started smoking yesterday as I used it. I'm sure it's just the belt, but I've replaced the belt already, and it didn't last very long.

I'd love to get me a Dyson, but I think I'll go cheap and get a wannabe from Wal-mart for a lot less.

Here's the thing... I need to shower before I go to W-M and spend the big bucks. But as soon as I get through vacuuming, I'll need another shower. And that just annoys me to have to do something twice - even if it is, you know, showering.

So, I guess I'll feed us and then take my first shower.

Don't hate me...

2009-01-08T21:06:00.001-08:00

Yesterday was my birthday.

I was unsure what to expect, with The Mighty Hunter in Lousville and me here in NE Alabama. He has needed reminding in the past exactly what day is my birthday. Poor thing always guesses the days around it. Then again, he could be fooling me and know the correct date all along.

Probably the latter.

He remembered without anyone reminding him, that I know of. Actually, he started singing the song to me the night before - just in case he wasn't able to talk much during the birthday. We actually talked several times yesterday, which allowed him to wish me a happy one several times. I think he felt badly for being in Louisville, but it can't be helped.

And, not to worry, I have a wonderful birthday meal planned when he is home.

But for now, I want to celebrate my 38th birthday in a way that is totally out of character for me. I want to celebrate me and ~~all~~ some of my blessings (not all because I'd probably exceed the decent blog post length rules with a post like that. And we all know that my posts are long enough as it is.)

I'll start with things that I'd normally exclude due to modesty and all that crap. You must know that this is being written purely on impulse. I am in a strange mood. I got the kids to sleep and took a shower and was thinking about how good I have it. So, I'm sharing that obnoxious attitude with you.

I have good hair. Yes, it is a little dry on the ends and I color it. But this is what it looks like immediately after drying it with my head upside down. All that I lack is to run the iron over it to smooth it and a little spray to keep my bangs out of my eyes. Thank you, Jesus, for good hair and great hair-cuts.

I have a fairly straight nose that is a good size and shape for my face. Of all the cosmetic surgery that I would ever consider, a nose-job is not on that list. The early wrinkles and crow's feet around my eyes would go immediately after buying some boobs. Thank you, Jesus, for a straight, cute nose that I don't want to change.

I have a short, left thumb. I'm not actually thankful for this except that it makes me more unique and is a great object lesson for not playing with doors. Thank you, Jesus, for the surgeon who saved my thumb and the sympathy and understanding I have for others because of it.

I can raise my left eyebrow. This is what I look like when I'm angry. Well, maybe not exactly like this. I raised it as far as possible for the picture. Again, I'll fix my saggy, wrinkled eyes after a boob job. Thank you, Jesus, for non-verbal communication.

I'm thankful for my little friend and companion, the Canon Digital Rebel. I should name it. I took several pictures for this post and most of them were of the Rebel. I'm quite talented, I'm sure you'll agree. Thank you, Jesus, for The Mighty Hunter giving me this wonderful camera last year.

I have good teeth. I have had only one cavity in my life. It was on a loose baby tooth. The tooth fell out before I needed a filling. My dentist loves to clean my teeth. My smile may be crooked and needed some whitening, but it is a very healthy one. Thank you, Jesus, for my chompers.

I have blue eyes with green around the pupils. The Mighty Hunter loves them. They're relatively healthy too. One eye is very weak, but the other compensates nicely. One day, I'll have lasik or RK or some other surgery. Then I'll buy my boobs. Thank you, Jesus, for my unique, pretty and healthy peepers.

I have the sweetest, most tender-hearted, thoughtful, smartest, most talented, loving, funny, versatile, athletic, good student for a daughter. She is, in so many ways, just like me - only better. Thank you, Jesus, for loaning Sissy to me.

I have an adorable little stud for a son. He is funny, charming and smart. He can melt me with just a few words mumbled from behind his pappy. He's all boy, yet terribly affectionate to most anyone. Thank you, Jesus, for Lucky.

I have these eyes to look into and cause me to melt. purrrrrrrrrr. He's a big ol' teddy bear who loves me and our kids so much that he goes away for days at a time to provide for us. He hates being away from us, but does it because that's what real men do. They sacrifice. Thank you, Jesus, for the Christ-like love he gives us daily.

I have these friends who make me laugh till I hurt or cry or pee. I grew up without a sister but have gained 3 over the past few months that I wouldn't trade for a million dollars.

These friends do things like show up at my house with an ice cream birthday cake from DQ. Thank you, Jesus, for real ~~friends~~ sisters.

There. I feel better. I didn't want to turn 38. I wanted to turn 34 again. 34 was a good year. Sissy was 3 and full of crazy words and crazier songs and it was magical watching her personality explode all over everyone around her. But 38 is great too. At 38, Lucky will turn 2 and his language and personality will bloom. Sissy will turn 8, and she'll become a big kid for keeps. The Mighty Hunter will still love me fiercely and tenderly. My friends will still rock. My family will still be an incredible gift. The pain and disappointment of 37 will fade. 38 will be wonderful.

Let's make this a meme. On your birthday, blog about the things about yourself that are brag-worthy. Stop hating yourself; start loving yourself. Take an inventory of your positive features and the blessings in your life. Share it with the rest of us. I tag EVERONE!

Birthday wishes to Elvis and me

2009-01-08T09:57:00.000-08:00

Today, I'm inspired. I want to share with you a wonderful new way of blogging that I just thought of...

The List.

No this is no ordinary list. This is The List. (a proper noun and all, y'all!) The List is MY way of telling you lots of Random, Yet Terribly Important Things. Not at all like other people's lists of random things.

Oh, nooooooo.

So, without further adoo.. (don't know the correct spelling, so I experimented and, since it's my birthday, I'm spelling it adoo. thankyouverymuch.)

The List:

1. I hate butterscotch.
2. Scientologists give me the creeps. (don't flame me in the comments, I'll delete it.)
3. My dogs stink, and I don't care.
4. Sissy has pushed every button I've got lately.
5. Lucky got his hair cut and, while it looks cute, it's not nearly as cute as it was before Mrs. Edward Scissorhands trapped him in the chair.
6. I don't recommend Cost Cutters at the Fort Payne Wal-Mart for your cute 2 y-o's haircut.
7. Webcams rock.
8. If I were to need to retrieve a pair of my underwear from the grocery store floor, I'd probably kick them under the organic produce too.
9. Murphy still sucks.
10. I love chocolate.
11. And Sprite.
12. But not Sierra Mist.
13. I hate reality tv.
14. I love Monk.
15. And Psych.
16. And Burn Notice.
17. Yo Gabba Gabba! is some form of Manchurian Candidate brainwashing experiment designed to reprogram our toddlers and drive the moms stark-raving mad!
18. I can't get enough sleep.
19. I wore my hair in a ponytail yesterday.
20. Which means that it was especially dirty, but I don't care.
21. Because I have water standing in my basement, and that excuses any hair crime I may commit.
22. Run-on sentences get on my nerves.
23. Unless they're intentional and funny in their run-on-ness, and only then can I forgive the writer of their grammatical, punctuation sin.
24. I have a little bit of a complex, don't I?
25. My friends and family rock.

The End of The List.

Where would you kick your underwear in the grocery store floor, so that you could pick them up without drawing attention to the fact that, well, YOU ARE PICKING UP UNDERWEAR OFF THE GROCERY STORE FLOOR.?

I have problems deciding whether to use a "?" or a "." in sentences like that. I mean, it started off as a sentence, but ended with what is more of a statement and maybe even an exclamation. Any English teachers out there?

Murphy, you suck

2009-01-06T20:41:00.000-08:00

It rained here again today. The "extreme drought" that North Alabama has suffered for the past 3 years has ended over the past 2 months. Now, I've had enough rain. Thankyouverymuch.

For various reasons, I did not spend the day at home today. After taking Sissy to school and running a couple errands, Lucky and I spent the day at Bev's. (It rained there too.)

I returned home with Lucky and Sissy about 4:30. I expected my garage to have a small amount of water standing in it. I wasn't prepared for what I found though.

One half of my garage had water standing. The carpet in the basement rooms that adjoin the garage were soaked. My new box of Tide that I was too lazy to carry upstairs was soaked and is now probably a solid block of Tide. A box of books that was bound for the library as a donation is now garbage. A stupid orthopaedic pillow that The Mighty Hunter had "tried" and needed to be returned to the chiropractor was soaked and ruined (there goes $30.)

I called The Mighty Hunter, who is in Louisville, to get his opinion as to exactly what to do after I shop-vacced up as much water as possible. I called Bev and Carl to borrow their shop-vac and get help with the kids. My parents called, they had been out "rubber-necking" at all the water and offered to bring supper.

Bev and Carl came and brought Bobbie and her son, Chris. They and Mom played with the kids. Carl, Bev, Dad and I fiddled around downstairs - mopping, vacuuming, emptying, exclaiming, complaining, trouble-shooting, joking, stabbing.

Yes, my dad stabbed himself with his pocket knife.

"ooh. that hurt."

what did you do?

"poked myself with my knife."

poked yourself? like STABBED yourself kind of poking yourself?

"not bad. I'm ok. look, no blood."

So, that's it for my day. How bad did yours suck? Or not, if your dad stabbed himself without needing stitches.

opinions please

2009-01-05T08:08:00.001-08:00

Which do you like best for his party?

"again"

2009-01-04T17:52:00.000-08:00

Lucky came to me just a minute ago. I don't remember what he said as he was walking to me, but the smell emanating from his butt communicated louder than any words he could have babbled.

Did you poopie?

'gain.

Did you poopie? (I'm used to him saying "noooOOOO.")

'gain.

Did you poopie AGAIN?

didit 'gain. shewy.

The thing about this exchange that is worth remembering or blogging (same difference, right?) is that I wanted The Mighty Hunter to share it. I wanted to say "did you hear that? what a twerp!"

But he's in Louisville.

Saturday surpises and purchases

2009-01-04T10:03:00.001-08:00

It rained yesterday, but it didn't keep me from shopping. Very few things keep me from shopping, unfortunately. There were things that I needed to find for both Sissy's and Lucky's birthday parties, as well as a knife set for my own birthday present from The Mighty Hunter.

So, off we went to Chattanooga for the day.

VeggieTales in the DVD player, for a change from whatever had been in there for weeks. Lucky enjoyed it, except when the baby Moses was threatened. Then there was much shrieking and complaining and "oooooh noooooo! da babay! Mum-meeee! da babay! no! thop! Mum-meeee!"

As soon as the movie was over, the inevitably bad-timed nap began. The rain stopped and we were within 5 minutes of the mall. Could it get worse?

Of course, it could.

I decided to take a detour and show Sissy the Chattanooga Choo-Choo. But I wasn't on the main streets and I couldn't remember the street it was on and then she complained about her stomach hurting.

She gets car sick easily, which explains the abundant supply of barfbags we keep stashed in crazy places in the Pimped Out Mamamobile. (The barfbags were found as we went through The Mighty Hunter's late mother's medical supply stash. Much like her compulsion to hoard Vaseline and hotel soaps and lotions, she bought CASES of medical supplies that she never used or needed.) But they've been very handy for us on more than one occasion.

When I realized she was actually puking, I was in a terrible part of town and pulled over in the empty parking lot of a very scary bar.

I'm certain that if anyone had the horrible idea of trying to mug or carjack us, the puking would probably have changed their minds.

(To be fair and honest and not-nearly-as-dramatic, Chattanooga is a very safe city. I've never had any first-person (or 2nd or 3rd-person) experiences there that would even hint at crime or problems with anyone other than rude drivers. To the contrary, everyone I've ever encountered there, looking back over my entire life, has been 90% positive.)

Still, puking = deterrent.

We found the Choo-Choo but didn't get out, as it was still raining a little. Lucky didn't wake up till after we left the Choo-Choo, thank goodness. But he was ready for CiCi's Pizza.

A trip to the mall for returns and bargains. Penney's had a big sale, as did everywhere else. It's too easy to spend too much money on Sissy. The clothes for her are just so cute. We're still finishing up hand-me-downs for Lucky, so I don't shop for him as much. But I did find him a new rainjacket at the Gap.

A stop at Club Libby Lu to see what they still had left. There wasn't much, but what was there was dirt cheap. I had promised Sissy a makeover from there before the stores closed at the end of January. And this was the LAST DAY OF MAKEOVERS EVER.

And they were $12.

We found some wonderful, funky Rock Star party decorations.

but no Blue's Clues items.

some very cool hair accessories for Sissy and a few gifts at Libby Lu.

tongs that are safe for my non-stick pans.

a bright green strap for The Mighty Hunter to tie his luggage together. (He has broken 2 straps already.)

a comforter set and sheets for my bed.

cookies.

Olive Garden for dinner.

LOTS of smiles while playing in the mall playground and a protective side to Sissy where her brother is concerned.

a great time with each other.

a hole in our fun that The Mighty Hunter would have filled perfectly.

2008 vs 2009

2008-12-31T06:13:00.000-08:00

I'm blank.

I have these grandiose ideas about what I would write about this past (emphasis on "past," thank you JESUS) year. I want to be able to put the events and experiences and emotions from this not-at-all-my-favorite year into some touchy-feely, profound, sentimental, "it's all ok now" box.

And leave it there.

Washed away, as far as the East is from the West, forever, much like our sins. Right?

Except, there will be effects of the events of 2008 that will linger for months and years to come.

To be honest, I must admit that there have been "bright spots" and not-so-unpleasant results from closing the business.

The Mighty Hunter's bankruptcy will not be final until mid-March, at the earliest. But when it is done, we can begin rebuilding his credit. (Thankfully, my credit is still intact. So we can muddle through.)

Bobbie is in school and will become an RN and will be the best nurse that has ever nursed. (That might not be the right use of that word, but whatev. It makes me smile.)

Misty has a good job, although she is swamped on a daily basis. And in her, I've found my sister from another mister. (that cracks me up) It's crazy and creepy how much we're alike - insomnia, OCD, ADD and all! I now know that even when no one else gets me, she will! And, even better, she won't think I'm nuts.

The other staff are managing, maybe not as well as they did while working with us, but managing all the same.

We are longer associated in any way with Napoleon. We are now able to be honest about how we feel about him and no longer have to see or speak to him. I don't think it would be a smart idea for me to see him. I might just bitchslap him.

We can still pay our bills and still have a little padding to put away from things like Wiis and a trip to WDW. (YAY Spring Break 2009!!)

Sissy has shown such grace and faith this year. She has taught me how to truly trust God and allow Him to handle the big, scary things that would normally sentence me to the bathroom with cramps and gas and indigestion.

Beverly has taught me to be content in whatever situation. Her strength and faith astound me, as they always have. She never waivers. She rocks.

We've had a shift in our financial priorities. Previously, we (meaning The Mighty Hunter) was an AGGRESSIVE saver. I readily admit now that I resented this. It kept us from building the house of which we've dreamed. But it has kept us going through this hard time. Not that we have much put back. But having a little bit has been a very reassuring pillow to lay my head upon at night. We no longer feel the UNBELIEVABLE PRESSURE to save every darn penny. We've lost so much of it this year. We now feel less guilty when we splurge on trips and webcam-equipped netbooks and Wiis.

Our families have been a source of love and support that is indescribable and unfathomable. It brings me to tears as I type this how much I know their hearts have broken over what happened to our business this year. To know my dad fell to the floor, grief-stricken, crying out to God. It moves me in ways nothing else can. To know that FIL and Fiance were ready to loan us a HUGE amount of money for operating expenses. It humbles me to the point of embarrassment. To know that my brother and his wife have prayed. To know that BIL and his wife - and their congregation - have prayed. To know that BIL wept during a sermon that used our story. All of this makes me cry the Ugly Cry.

My Jesus hasn't left me. This year, during its hardest, most unsure times, He has been right here. Guiding every step and every decision and every choice. He placed in our lives the friends that have not abandoned us. The lawyer that has guided and represented us. The church family and others that have been sensitive and discreet and caring. And He has shown us that He is not the only one who loves us unconditionally. I confess that I have not read or prayed or lived the way I should (ever, but especially so this year.) Yet He has been here the whole time anyway. But isn't that the whole point of unconditional love?

Now for a different direction... I can't let this year end without describing the level of disappointment and betrayal I feel. My whole life, I've been able to depend on you. You gave me my dad, my FIL and many other blessings. You brought beautiful times into my life - and the lives of everyone else. Yet this year and last, you brought deep pain and fear and trauma. You are no longer welcome in my heart or my home. Beginning today, your name will disappear from my records - to the extent that I can, I will delete you from my life and existence. August - the month that holds wonderful birthdays, hot summer days, last-chance trips to the beach, back-to-school shopping - will forever be remembered for the pain it brought. I will divide its days among its more trustworthy neighbors, July and September. I will mark its name out on my calendars. It will be the month whose name is not spoken.

For 2009, I hope for many things.

Relief from bankruptcy ghosts
Forgiveness from those who were hurt by the business failure
Security and prosperity for those who lost their jobs
Joy and hope and love for all of us
Distance from the things and people who do not have our best interests at heart
Protection from our sinful nature
Blessings from our Lord
Gratitude for the little things in life
Forgiveness for those who have hurt us
Healthy bodies and minds for all of us
Gooey, underbaked chocolate chip cookies and tall glasses of cold milk
Snuggles and giggles with the kiddos
More time with The Mighty Hunter
The safe return of those deployed and serving our country and risking their lives

I could do a recap of last year's resolutions. But it would be sad and pointless. So let's just end it here.

God bless your 2009 beyond your imagination.

(I guess I wasn't blank after all.)

That sound you hear..

2008-12-30T17:10:00.000-08:00

is the sound of wind whistling through my ears, as I try to write a post about this past year and the upcoming, gotta-be-better, please-Lord-make-it-better year.

I promise, Triste, I will write something soon.

Here's a resolution. Change Triste's name to something that does NOT mean "sad" in any language.

Santa came a couple days late

2008-12-28T19:12:00.001-08:00

But he brought this for The Mighty Hunter...

This afternoon, I went to get pizza. While I was gone, FIL and Fiance' and The Mighty Hunter were with the kids. When I returned, The Mighty Hunter had just disappeared on everyone. We all knew that he had just "slipped up to the edge of the woods" to see if there were any deer about, especially in the green field he had planted for them.

He came back and claimed he had shot an 8-point. None of us had heard his shot. So no one believed him.

After he inhaled a piece of pizza, he took FIL and Sissy out to get it.

He had heard other hunters tell stories like what happened tonight but had never believed them. They just seemed silly. He always blamed it on the other hunter's bad aim or whatever.

After he had shot the deer, he walked over and picked up its head and confirmed that it was dead. There was no response or movement from the deer.

When he returned with Sissy and FIL in the truck, the lights from the truck shined on the deer's head. The deer lifted his head, got up off the ground and started to run away.

He took one more shot.

Merry Christmas to The Mighty Hunter.

You sexy thang, you.

For medicinal purposes only...

2008-12-27T21:44:00.000-08:00

I have discovered the following all-natural sleep aid.

One pack of spiced cider mix.

One mug of apple juice or cider.

Warmed in microwave for 1 minute.

1 shot of Crown Royal.

You're very welcome.

Christmas 2008 memories - BETTER

2008-12-26T19:38:00.000-08:00

I remembered the music and increased the resolution.

This makes me smile like nothing else.

"Sing, Mary, Sing" Jennifer Knapp

Christmas 2008 memories

2008-12-26T11:29:00.000-08:00

I got a new lens - Canon 50mm, 1.4.

A Gorillapod Focus

A great new coat

Cool, little speakers for my iPod

A new blue tooth ear piece.

Sissy got everything she asked Santa to get her.

She thought she had gotten a cell phone, but I had repurposed an old box for some earrings for her.

Lucky got a bunch of Blue's Clues stuff - which is terribly hard to find.

He prefers the $2 doodle pad.

The Mighty Hunter got an Indiana Jones Hat.

A spotlight to look in the yard to see why the stupid dogs are barking!

And his own Wii game.

And he guessed every surprise.

We ate too much.

We slept late this morning.

We had to wake Sissy up Christmas morning. We've had to wake her every year.

The Mighty Hunter washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen yesterday, without my asking. He also filled the deviled eggs.

He got a special present last night. He had earned it.

It was a good Christmas.

So far. Father-in-law and Fiance' arrive today, starting Round 2 of too many toys and land-fill loads of wrapping paper.

I hope yours was as wonderful as mine.

A favorite Christmas memory - part 3

2008-12-24T14:22:00.000-08:00

I love music. I sing all the time; sometimes good, most times not-so-good.

Christmas music is one of the few things I collect. Each year, I try to add to my collection by at least one song. This year, I indulged in this and this. So, I made up for my Christmas Music Collection Fasting of 2007.

There are songs that are like the starting bell of a boxing match for Christmas time. (how's that for a crazy analogy!)

Bing Crosby's crooning of "White Christmas" and "It's beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas"

Harry Connick Jr.'s "Sleigh Ride" and "O Holy Night"

The Carol of the Bells

The Chipmunks album

Growing up, mom would take my brother and me shopping with her. It was always a big deal. We would pile in the big ol' Cougar and drive the 45 minutes to Chattanooga to the Eastgate Mall and sometimes Northgate Mall. This is where we usually saw Santa and had our pictures made with him.

As we would go home, we would drive I-75 and come down East Ridge. The city's lights would stretch out before us. Those lights were magically transformed and became part of our Christmas tradition. They weren't just street lights and billboards. They were Christmas lights.

To this day, I still look for the Chattanooga Choo-Choo sign, trying to be the first in the car to see it.

And to this day, my Christmas season hasn't officially begun until I've driven down East Ridge and seen those "Christmas Lights."

Most times, with my mom and brother, we would listen to our favorite Christmas 8-track. (Yes, we're old.) We'd sing along with Elvis, at the top of our lungs, breaking into parts and singing "oooh, ooo-ooo-OOO-oooh" with the bluesiest feelings we could muster.

Krispie Kreme donuts were almost always in the car with us, and we'd fight over who got the last glazed one.

I was able to go shopping ALL BY MYSELF! yesterday. No kids. No rushy-hurrying husband. Good baby-sitters on duty. No schedule to keep. I was able to find the last of my gifts PLUS some jeans and tops for myself.

It was a good day.

And, as I left the "new shopping area" of Chattanooga, I was glad to see the sun was almost in bed. I was glad that I would get to see Chattanooga's Christmas Lights and sing to whatever carol was playing on the radio - at the TOP OF MY LUNGS.

A few weeks ago, Sissy, Lucky and I were able to go see my brother's kids in their school play. As we drove to Huntsville, the city's lights spread out in front of us. I said, "Look, Sissy. It's Christmas Lights!"

Yeah. It looks like someone knocked over a huge Christmas tree!

(That's my kid.)

I've developed some new favorite Christmas songs; ones that speak to my life and experiences.

"I'll be Home for Christmas" makes me think of the year we lived in California and how much I longed to be in my Alabama for this favorite season. (We flew home for a few days, thankfully.)

"Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer" brings to mind the image of The Mighty Hunter's crazy aunt singing along with the song and dancing, holding a stuffed, dancing reindeer. (She's the mother to young adults and a teenager. She isn't mentally disabled. She's just nuts.)

"O Holy Night" holds hte memory of The Mighty Hunter's mother singing at church. She had a great voice but over-used a over-done vibrato with her very high soprano that made me want to jab a pencil in my ears.

"Beautiful Star of Bethlehem" is one of the old Southern Gospel church songs that just fits nicely with Christmas. It reminds me of how, when she tried to not be the big shot star with the over-done vibrato, The Mighty Hunter's mom could harmonize beautifully with her friend and really move you with the message of a song.

"All I Want for Christmas is my Two Front Teeth" reminds me of how my first grade teacher insisted that I, along with another boy who was also missing front teeth at Christmas, stood up in front of all the parents and teachers and the WORLD and sing it. WITH a lisp, which I didn't have, but was forced to fake.

"The 12 Days of Christmas" is still a favorite. One year we had trouble remembering all the lines and decided to improvise our own version. The only rule is that the first day brings "a new clicker for the tv." We take turns making up what our True Loves bring us on each day. By the 8th day, no one can remember what they said on the 7th day or 6th day. It always brings a lot of laughs and some very interesting and just plain strange gifts from our True Loves.

I don't think I can pick just ONE favorite Christmas song. But these hold special and fun memories.

I hope your Christmas this year produces memories that burn into your memory with the Love of family and friends, the Joy of gifts given in love and the HOPE that our Savior brings.

I hope that you take with you, into the New Year, the best of this year and leave behind the pain, sadness and disappointments of 2008.

God bless you all.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

2008-12-23T14:54:00.000-08:00

Mammogram and ultrasound both clear. Nothing abnormal.

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Merry Christmas

2008-12-22T06:54:00.001-08:00

It's the week of Christmas.

And since I will probably :poof: disappear :poof: for the rest of the week - except for some "I've got to blog this!" moments, I thought I'd share a funny story on The Mighty Hunter (Triste, it's our secret!) and also my plans for celebrating the week...

Yesterday, we had Christmas with my dad's mom and brother's family. It was very nice. This was with my Grandma that had the heartattack the day after Thanksgiving. She is doing GREAT. We ate well and opened some gifts with the kids. There is a newborn and another one coming next month on my uncle's side, so Lucky wasn't the youngest, but demanded the lion's share of the attention.

Last night, Sissy debuted as a playwright. She wrote a story that she developed into a play for the kids to perform at church last night. It was really cute. They did a great job. I was proud.

The church's Christmas program was mostly the kids singing carols and Sissy's play. The kids her age played the handbells. During one song, the dingaling thingy in her bell flew across the room. The look on her face was priceless!

Today we will clean house and cook a little junk food. Tonight is the party for our "adopted family." Our adopted family consists of the girls - and their families - from the business that have shown their sincere friendship and love since we closed down in August. This will be a fun and probably loud night. Funny pictures and video will probably result. Tonight will mean as much to me as Christmas with my parents/brother and The Mighty Hunter's dad/brother. I love these girls; they're my sisters.

Some genius scheduled a mammogram tomorrow morning, which will prevent us from staying out late and sleeping late. After getting my good news, The Mighty Hunter will drive his purdy little truck back home to do what he does (hunt), and I will take my Pimped Out Mamamobile to the malls and stores and finish the remaining shopping.

Wednesday will be the final cleaning and wrapping and cooking. We will listen to my Christmas playlist and sing till we're hoarse. We will get the kids in bed after Santa makes his fly-by and jingles his bells and Rudolph's shadow and shiny nose appear in the yard. Then the mad rush to get the last gifts finished and ourselves in bed so that we can maximize our sleep and pray that Sissy sleeps all night.

Thursday will be a big breakfast and lots of gifts. Then lunch with The Mighty Hunter's uncles and aunts. Finally dinner with my parents and brother and his family.

Friday will be some recovery time from all the food and gifts. There will certainly be a lot of playing with the new toys and all.

Saturday, we will have Christmas with The Mighty Hunter's dad and brother and Carl, Bev and Maternal Grandmother, etc.

Then, life will begin to return to normal.

Hopefully, we will soon be able to wear something besides sweatpants.

(note to self: add sweatpants to my shopping list for Tuesday!)

Now, for the funny story on The Mighty Hunter - I almost forgot!

Yesterday, I was getting out of the shower, which is in its own little room with the toilet. The sink and vanity are just outside, and this is where The Mighty Hunter was.

I hear him coughing. Hard, dry, hacking cough. Almost gagging, irritated sounding.

are you ok?

Yeah. ::cough cough hack hack::

are you sure you're ok?

Yeah. ::cough hack::

what's wrong?

Nothing. I'm just cleaning out my ears.

and? are you OK?

YES. I'm proof that all three really are connected.

three? connected? What are you talking about?

My ears, my nose and my throat! When I clean my ears, then it makes my nose run and my throat itch!

(I must remember to blog this!) Do you think maybe you're sticking the q-tip in too far? (don't laugh yet)

I don't know. Do you think so?

(is he really that dumb?? no.) Well, if you DO stick it in too far, then you'll know by the blood and the blinding pain and the sudden loss of balance. So, I think you're good for now. (can't hold back the laughing now.)

shut up.

Now that is just one of my Christmas gifts to you.

The song link in the middle of this page is the other. Don't read the story. Just turn up your speakers, sit back and soak up the Christmas joy that is "O Holy Night"

And, finally. I wish all 3 of you that read this the merriest, most joyful of Christmases of your lives. I pray that you see God's Gifts of Love in the eyes of a child. I hope that your hearts and lives and your new years are blessed with the Grace and Peace that our Lord and Savior, Jesus, brought to us with his birth. I want you all to remember that, without Easter, Christmas would just be someone's birthday.

God bless us everyone.

I'll post my mammogram results and occasional pictures, or links to pictures, as I get the opportunity.

Random Randomness - Christmas edition

2008-12-21T05:43:00.000-08:00

Why is it that today, the first day of Winter, the 21st of December, I am looking out the window at the grass in the yard that JUST WON'T DIE ALREADY????

Who is Christy Lane and has she had a photo made of her since 1982?

I have some great friends. I don't have photos of all of them, but yesterday, I got to take some shots of two of my favorites (Sissy and Lucky think they're the stuff too!) Then I got to do their Christmas cards.

Why is the heck does Wal-Mart have to close their registers at midnight? ANd why is it that I don't have my stuff ready until 11:58?

Why the heck did I set my alarm for 7am this morning? Why the heck can't I manage to get a SINGLE gift wrapped?

Who actually goes to movies on Christmas Day?

What does "Triste" stand for?

How much can I reduce Lucky's dose of albuterol to help him sleep and still see the benefits of it?

I have to cook two casseroles this morning and put together a sauce for meatballs. But first I have to WRAP GIFTS for today!

The Mighty Hunter had his bankruptcy hearing Thursday morning. It went ok. It will be 90 days before a judgment/order/decree/official-piece-of-paper-that-puts-this-behind-us.

I have only a FEW gifts left to find. I've never waited this late to finish my shopping.

You should know that my love for Breakstone's Breakfast Blend coffee roast with hazelnut non-dairy creamer is very inappropriate.

If Target (and UPS) doesn't come through and deliver that last special gift from a special "stranger" on time for a special kid, I may come UN-FRIGGIN-GLUED on their butts. I placed my order in plenty of time (according to their site) and the shipping and delivery estimates were safe. But the shipment of THIS ONE ITEM was delayed 3 times. It finally left NY yesterday. Lemmetellya, I'll be a little bit LIVID if it doesn't make it on time. (Yes, I take this stuff too seriously. I realize it. I'll seek help for it when it no longer is beneficial to the Auburn Family Always. thankyouverymuch)

I just let my biscuits get crusty. I hate crusty biscuits. dangit. Do you think I should click "Publish" and get busy?

cheap frugal gift idea

2008-12-18T20:39:00.000-08:00

We always try to give a gift to each of the women at our church that is somehow involved in Sissy's classes and programs. This year, I counted 8.

Like me, they're probably not worried about exactly what they get from the kids. They may not remember any gift at all from a previous year.

I always try to keep it simple. One year, I found cute little, very nice ornaments at Michael's for $3 each. I bought a few extra for those "oops! I forgot to get them something!" moments.

I don't remember what Sissy gave last year. No clue.

This year, I had an idea in the throes of desperation that might turn out to be one of my best yet.

I grabbed small cosmetic bags for $1.47 or $1.97 each.

I grabbed a nice glass nail file $1.06 each.

Next, I grabbed a small bottle of Germ-X $.50 each and Jergen's hand lotion $1.00 each.

2 four-packs of lip balm $2.26 per pack ($.56 per tube.)

$4.89 per gift.

I may even raid my stash of purse-sized packs of tissue to add a little stuffing to it.

And, to think, all those hotel-sized lotions would be handy right now!

Surely, I'm not alone in this kind of thing happening to me

2008-12-17T20:15:00.000-08:00

You should properly prepare yourself for this one. Get a kleenex. Don't take a drink, you might spit it out or choke on it. Make sure the kids won't be startled as you laugh OUT LOUD at my stupidity.

A few days ago, I was wandering around in the kitchen. Barefooted, like I like it. I don't know why I needed to take a step backwards, but I did. And as I did, the rough, calloused bottom of my right foot caught the corner of the nail on my left big toe and bent it backwards. It didn't completely break off, but I was forced to cut the Ugly Toenail Notch to prevent it from becoming in-grown.

This got me to thinking about the time that I was brushing my teeth and somehow my hand slipped and my toothbrush hit me in the eye. Did you know that you should rinse your eye with running water for 3 days after getting toothpaste in it? I don't know if lemon juice would have burned as badly.

Then there was the time that I bought some cheap deodorant to put on my feet to keep them from being so sweaty and sticking to my shoes in the midst of the Alabama summer ~~hell~~ HEAT. But I forgot and left said deodorant in my car's cupholder during the middle of the day. Did you know that solid deodorant/anitperspirant actually completely melts into a nasty little impossible-to-wash-off powdery liquid? And when you spill it on your linen pants and inside the cupholder that it looks like baby milk-puke.

SO. At the moment, these are the only things I can think of that are too embarassing to, you know, speak without snorting and peeing in my pants.

What stupid things have you done?

Someone should stop me before I click "Publish Post".

no squishing yet

2008-12-16T17:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday's appointment didn't yield any booby-squishing.

We are all as confident as we can be without a mammogram, that my problems are all fibrocystic disease.

Yet, we will make certain.

I have an appointment with a breast cancer center for a digital diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound (if necessary) on Tuesday, the 23rd. I will get the results of those test that same day.

If necessary for anything more "detailed," like an MRI, my insurance requires I see a surgeon to schedule the MRI.

I'll tell you what I know when I know it. 'Cause that's what bloggers do.

yuk

2008-12-16T06:17:00.000-08:00

The snots have moved in and taken over our house.

Lucky is sneezing and coughing and is stuffy-headed.

And I'm afraid I don't have enough Puffs Plus.

The HORROR!!!

A favorite Christmas memory - part 2

2008-12-14T11:18:00.000-08:00

Hang with me, the Christmas memory is coming. I promise.

We married in September 1992. 10 days-ish after Hurricane Andrew hit Florida and Louisiana. FIL's job allowed him the chance to help those whose homes were damaged by Andrew. Thankfully, he was able to fly in to be our best man.

As conditions improved in the damaged area, MIL was able to go visit FIL. She returned home with the tackiest beach towels for us. I choose to believe she was joking. All the same, the towels were ugly and were resigned to the rag stash, perfect for drying the car or the dog or burying a dead animal in.

Little did we know that she was doing her Christmas shopping while there.

So, Christmas rolls around. Our first Christmas as a married couple.

So romantic it will make you puke.

We were in our senior year at AU (the loveliest village on the plains.) We were full-time students, without jobs. We were broke as sticks. So our gifts were limited to homemade cookies or something like that.

The Mighty Hunter used some old barnwood and made me a box for our kitchen to put potatoes and onions in. It was beautiful. I still treasure it. But it holds garden gloves and hand trowels now. (REPURPOSED.)

The Mighty Hunter always opened gifts with him parents and brother on Christmas morning, which I had been part of since we began dating. This year, was no different.

BIL handed out the gifts to everyone. Mine was last. It was clearly an old shoe box that had been REPURPOSED and wrapped in paper just like the rest. (I've REPURPOSED many a boxes of all types for gifts over the years. Genius!)

(There's a theme here, have you noticed?)

I enjoyed watching everyone else open their gifts. The Mighty Hunter elbowed me, asking me to open my gift. Thankfully, he was distracted by some of BIL's antics and didn't notice the contents of my gift.

Inside the REPURPOSED shoe box was goodness-knows how many hotel soaps and lotions and shampoos and conditioners and shower caps and sewing kits and shoe polish cloths and everydarnthing else you can smuggle out of a hotel room.

She had REPURPOSED all those ~~pieces of crap~~ toiletries into a gift for her new daughter-in-law.

And there was a $20 bill taped to the lid of the REPURPOSED shoe box.

I wanted to laugh out loud. I wanted to point out to her that she was OFF THE FRIGGIN' CHARTS OCD (and I would know.) I wanted to ask her if she had really forgotten to get me a gift. I wanted to know if she really believed the BS she said about how much she loved the little sizes and that they would be so handy for me, driving back and forth to AU. (We came home no more than once a month and brought our full-sized bottles of stuff with us.)

I wanted to blog about it.

Except there was no such critter as blogging yet.

Instead, I thanked her and hugged her and LOVED telling my brother about it later that day. HE got to laugh and ask all those incredulous questions. I just laughed and shook my head.

It was just this year that I was laughing about it around The Mighty Hunter. He didn't remember it at all. He was upset over it and embarassed (MIL has been dead 8 years now.) I laughed and told him to file it away with his mom's other nuttiness, like the 12 LARGE tubs of petroleum jelly she had squirreled away.

And all the STILL unused hotel soaps and shampoos and lotions and sewing kits.

It was our first Christmas together, married. And she made it one to remember in a very unique way.

Thank you, Kay. We miss you.

Christmas for the Kiddos

2008-12-14T09:40:00.000-08:00

I'm sure that most of you who keep coming back to read about the insanity in the Auburn Family Always have kids. And I'll bet that our kids are alike in many ways. I'm hoping that we can do something for each other's kids for Christmas.

Sissy loves getting mail. "Loves" might be understating it a little. Substitute ecstatic and you'll get close. I love to see her so happy and excited over the little things in life. Sure, the big stuff is cool and all, but we should all find a way to foster a love for simplicity in our children as a matter of principle.

I suspect that she is not the only kid who thinks she is in heaven when a piece of mail has her name on it.

I am proposing that we send Christmas cards to each other's kids.

If you would like to exchange Christmas cards with my kids, email me with you kids names and snail mail address. I'll reply with the same information. I pinky-swear to not share your kids names OR your address with anyone. I further pinky-swear to mail them a wonderful card that Sissy chooses to your angels.

You must also pinky-swear to keep my kids identities and addresses private.

It's only fair.

So, email me at auburn gal always (at) gmail (dot) com. Remove the spaces and the (). And let's make our kids feel special this Christmas!

Potpourri of a Post

2008-12-14T08:39:00.000-08:00

~This is my 451st post. Good grief! Would I please shut the crap up??? Can anyone please plan an intervention? I think I need it.

~Dear GlaxoSmithKline, when you package migraine medicine, please consider that an individual suffering a migraine has some highs and lows...
Lows: patience, mental acuity, visual sharpness, fine motor skills, thought process
Highs: homocidal tendencies, ability to cry, inordinate desire to write letters to drug manufactuers over excessive migraine medication packaging, uncontrollable urge to publish said desire on their blawg
Sincerely, Keri (aka Migraine Sufferer)

~The Mighty Hunter, Sissy and I had a rough night last night. In an attempt to share some of Lucky's cute antics involving a Build-a-Bear box on his head, I uploaded some videos to YouTube. The unfortunate effect was to transform a very manly man into a puddle of tears. Which, in turn, did the same for Sissy and me. It wasn't pretty. It was plain-out miserable.

~I have most of my shopping done, but still have a few gifts to snag. Naturally, these are the hardest gifts. I also don't know when I'll accomplish this final shopping trip.

~Monday (tomorrow): hair rescue and booby squishing
~Tuesday: ideal shopping day, but not possible for a multitude of reasons
~Wednesday: 2nd grader dance party and class Christmas party for Sissy, also someone is coming home after being away longer than normal, which means that I will be forced to drag out a new razor and some extra moisturizing shave cream for the gams
~Thursday: bankruptcy hearing for The Mighty Hunter, possible shopping day but will choose to be available for that very important event
~Friday: most probable shopping day
~Saturday: probable Panicked Shopping Day in Ungodly Crowds (feel another migraine starting just thinking about it)
~Sunday: beginning of family Christmas gatherings at lunch and then premiere of Sissy's Debut as a Playwright. (play doesn't yet have a name, but feel certain that video and/or pictures will be posted asap.)

~Don't know why I felt compelled to post my week's schedule just now.

~I'm enjoying the tilde. ~~~~~~ preeeeetteeeeeee

~Sissy wants to make a pizza today. Accomplishing this will require me to go to Wal-Mart for more than milk.

~Have no idea when I'll get my Christmas cards mailed. sheesh!

~Introducing: Box Baby

If potpourri is supposed to smell nice, then why does this post stink?! (get it? haha. I crack me up!)

~~~~ :D

Not so warm and fuzzy

2008-12-13T13:16:00.000-08:00

You know how I always tell stories here in a very round-about, I'll get there eventually, here's something interesting about that, ADD, yet adorable way? Well, that's the case most of the time.

But this is not one of those times...

I called my ob/gyn's office Friday and made an appointment for Monday afternoon. I have a squishy, tender lump in my left breast.

I told The Mighty Hunter, who is in Houston until Wednesday. I explained that I have had fibrocystic lumps for, like, ever. And that they occasionally get tender. But this one has stayed tender for longer than I would like. That it is probably because I have a 35+ lb. 23 month-old lineman who thinks that I am his jungle-gym and pillow and punching bag. I told him not to worry and that I almost didn't tell him, but I knew he would KILL me if I hadn't told him.

I told my mom, who will be going with me to the appointment.

I told Beboo, who will be keeping the kiddos during the appointment.

I told Misty, who said "get your a$$ to the doctor" or something like that. (Hey, Sistah!)

And, now, I'm telling you. Because I'm a blogger and that's what bloggers do.

So, after I spend the morning getting my blonde on and the scraggly, frizzy dead-ends cut off the mop that is my hair, I'll be getting my boobies squished.

And for some strange reason, the two things seem to fit nicely together, don't they?

Prayers and happy, healthy, gentle-squishing thoughts will be appreciated.

A favorite Christmas memory - part 1

2008-12-08T21:09:00.001-08:00

When I was small, we lived in a tiny little town called Rosalie.

I vividly remember moving to that house. It's one of my first memories, as I was only 3. I remember the adults using the sliding glass doors into the "dining room" for carrying furniture and boxes from the truck to inside. I still couldn't tell you how many boxes or what furniture. There were just "boxes" and "furniture." And I know this because it was told to me. I have memory of seeing either of these things that were transported through the Sliding Glass Doors.

Yet, my memory is clear that after ~~running wildly from room to room~~ touring the house, I proclaimed that this room, the "dining room" was to be My Room. It was the biggest. I was the youngest. It was linked to my parents' room by a doorway. The reasons were obvious and endless why I should have this particular room.

So, naturally, it was My Room. It was large enough for my full-size bed and several other pieces of furniture. It had two nice-sized closets - a big deal for the 1970's. At times, my bed was moved to my brother's room and his bunk beds were separated and put in My Room so that we could both sleep in My Room. We never slept in the same bed, that I remember, as this would have certainly led to an inevitable attempt on someone's life and subsequent whining, crying and tattling.

The living room was at the other end of this small house. In it were the fireplace, tv, couch and Stereo System (a mammoth solid wood cabinet that housed the AM/FM radio, 8-track player and record player.) It was incredibly heavy, with sharp corners that left many a bruise on my arms and shins and it cost a small fortune. The wood cabinet was a perfect match to the wood cabinet that housed our Color TV, also costing a fortune.

(Our TV was separate from the Stereo Cabinet, but the Stereo Cabinet was at least this large.)

And, at Christmas, the tree was in the living room. I don't remember exactly where Mom put it, but I'm sure it was somewhere of importance and still out of the way of the tv-viewing. After all, there was Dallas to watch. And don't forget my dad's favorite, Hee-Haw.

I realize that Santa respects each family's traditions. So at our house, he wrapped our presents. This was his attempt to fool my brother and me. One year, my brother found part of Santa's stash in the trunk of my mom's 1977 4-door white Mercury Cougar with burgundy cloth interior and white leather detail on the roof. Santa had to find other places to hide his local stash after that year.

There were always gifts under the tree. As soon as Mom could get them wrapped, we would prowl through them, counting to see that one of us didn't have more than the other. Santa would even occasionally leave an early surprise under the tree. Wrapped in the same paper as the other gifts to and from each other, these gifts from Santa would be labeled in my mom's mixture of script and print. It never caused us any confusion. We realized that Mom was just putting Santa's name there as a way of surprising someone without taking the credit for herself.

'Cause in her house, like mine, the mom does all the shopping. Except in my house, The Mighty Hunter buys my gift from him. But this only began after years of buying my own gifts and wrapping them and putting them under the tree. Disgusted with this unbelievable level of laziness on his part, one year I handed him a catalog marked with post-its and notes about sizes and colors and told him to buy my gift himself. Yes, I had chosen what I wanted. His gift to me was THE EFFORT.

I think I was probably the Most Magical Age of Four. Brother (have you ever noticed how similar the words bother and brother are? I'm just sayin'.) was sleeping in his bunk-bed in his own room. I had gone to bed and sleep early, upon request, without argument or delay.

It was Christmas Eve, after all.

Sometime during the ngiht, I was awakened suddenly. A sound had startled me.

The sounds of hoofs running across our roof.

I jumped out of bed and ran to the living room. There, glowing magically from the lights on the Christmas Tree, were piles of presents. Presents that had not been there when we went to bed. Presents of all shapes and sizes. Presents wrapped in beautiful wrapping paper - different from that Mom had used. And a name was written on each package.

I couldn't tell you whose hand-writing had labeled these gifts. I have no memory of that.

I couldn't tell you what a single one of those gifts were.

But I will tell you until the day I die that I heard reindeer running across our roof that night.

And they were taking off, not landing. 'Cause I didn't even get a glimpse of Santa in the living room!

What about you? What is a favorite Christmas memory of yours? Post it on your blog and come back here and leave a comment. I'd love to read it.

The Proud Aunt

2008-12-07T22:00:00.000-08:00

Let me introduce you to my beautiful, talented and kind neice, S.
Lucky thinks she's the stuff. (disregard the fact that his AU pappy is upside down. PURE ACCIDENT. It was corrected immediately.)
She and I both enjoy taking pictures. I could definitely learn a lot from her.

Enjoy more of her work....

We need to talk about her photographing evidence of my attention-starved roots.

Thanksgiving 2008

2008-12-05T11:14:00.000-08:00

On Thanksgiving Thursday, we had a late lunch at my dad's mom's. She is my only living grandparent. My brother's kids and Sissy and Lucky had a great time playing in the leaves. She had managed to rake or mow them in her front yard, but the back yard is full of lots of hard-wood trees. And, well, she's 87, so the back yard was left undone till another day.

Which was just fine and dandy with the kiddos.

The gate and the barn door are permanent fixtures in my memories. My brother and I spent many summer days here with our grandparents. Grandpa could build or weld anything. A natural engineer, he was the area expert for all things automotive and agricultural. The blades and gears on the barn wall were put there by him before he died - in 1993.

It was a great day with the family.

Then at 3am, the phone rang. My dad was at Grandma's house and had called 911. She was having another heart attack. I met him at the local ER, prepared to play the patient advocate/level-headed-thinker/pit bull role I seem to be pretty good at.

Her pain level was obvious, as her hand and body shook uncontrollably. I asked them to give her something for the pain, pointing out that she does not normally have tremors or Parkinson's.

After a quick consultation with the on-call cardiologist (yes, we have one. I was surprised.), we all agreed that transferring her to Trinity in Birmingham for the stints, etc. If the weather had been better, she would have gone by helicopter. My dad and his brother - who arrived as soon as he could - drove to Birmingham behind the ambulance. I returned home and went back to bed for a couple of hours, knowing that I may be needed to take care of bringing clothes or something to her there.

2 stints, 2 hours flat on her back till the catheter could be removed, 6 more hours on her back after that and the weekend in CCU.

Except she moved to a regular room on Sunday afternoon and came home Tuesday.

I stopped by to visit with her and return her purse Tuesday afternoon. She met me at her front door and held it open for me and Lucky.

She is better and improving more each day.

March 18, she will be 88. And this Sunday, my brother, his kids, Sissy, Lucky and I will take care of the rest of the leaves. I can't promise that there will be no jumping in the piles.

But I do promise to be more thankful for Grandma.

7 Random Things

2008-12-04T21:36:00.000-08:00

Super Mom tagged me (months ago, I admit it, but I blame Google Reader. Something happened to my subscription. honest!) for a meme. A 7 Random Things Meme! How perfect! Since I can't seem to accomplish getting the clean clothes from the washer to the dryer and the dryer to the closet!

Random? Can do!

Intentional? Not so much.

SO, brace yourself. Click away now. Get a stiff drink or a big, gooey, under-baked chocolate chip cookie and have a seat. Here comes stuff about me you never knew and (hopefully) would never guess...

1. My OCD manifests through number repititions and songs repeating in my head All. The. Dang. Time. While in high school and college bands, it was quite helpful to be able to hear a tune in my head from beginning to end without effort AND! to be able to count the beats and measures too! I was a decent drum major and managed to bluff my way onto the football field at half-time the 1990 season at Auburn University. (clarinet, thankyouverymuch)

2. I MUST insert two (2) spaces after each period. The only exceptions are in #1 above, "All. The. Dang. Time." I also don't generally place a comma after the last item in a list just before the "and". (It's a style thing. Trust me, I'm a better writer because of it.) (Shut up. It makes me feel good about myself.)

3. I REFUSE to put my purse on the floor of a public bathroom. When I explained this to my friend, Bobbie, she was surprised. It had never occurred to her how many poop and pee germs there are on bathroom floors, and that they actually GET ON YOUR PURSE when you put it down there.

4. I can't stand to have sock fuzz between my toes.

5. I am seriously considering getting something done to the premature (yes, PREMATURE!!!) wrinkles around my eyes. I am that vain.

6. I am allergic to mushrooms. Allergy is probably not the accurate term. I've never been tested for it. But if I eat something with mushrooms in it, I get unbearably nauseous and must go to bed.

7. I am more concerned than I want to be and more competitive than I should be when it comes to Sissy and her activities and grades. It's not enough (though it should be) that she do her best. I want her to actually be the best too. I actually bite my tongue to keep from asking her teacher if she is making the best grades in the class, is she reading at the highest level in her class, why isn't she getting such-and-such award. But I am currently dealing with this since her school tests all 2nd graders for the "gifted program." Of course, I think she is gifted. I was in the gifted program, so she ought to be too, right?. I am preparing myself now for the possibility that, although she is very bright and a great student, she may not test high enough and how will that make ME feel. And why am I making it all about ME anyway?

I'm supposed to tag someone now. I'm not good at this. Most of the blogs I read have already done this meme, so I'll go the lazy route. If you've read this and want to do your own meme, leave a comment with the link to your post!

But, I'd LOVE to read this meme over at Karen's, Elizabeth's and Rachel's. (did you see that? only one comma!)