New Memory Aid: "Publish Post"

Just as I clicked Publish, I remembered.

Shut up. I have someone who sucks my brain cells out my nips every day.

Last night, the Auburn Family went to the local Super W-M to restock the fridge. Nevermind that we didn't buy the first thing that would actually qualify as a meat item or major ingredient in any dish. We will have clean clothes and Lucky and the Auburn Pets will eat.

The Mighty Hunter was being a real pain in the keester. Between the constant poking me in the ribs and tickling my arms (major pet peeve) and the indigestion/gas and overflowing bladder, I was full of vim and vigor and ready to get even.

All I needed was the cooperation of the pretty little college-aged girls buying french fries and ice cream and eye shadow. You know the necessities of being 20 and slim and baby-free.

I ditched The Mighty Hunter and Lucky to pee. Stinkerbell was roaming the store with Uncle Carl and Aunt Beboo, begging them to buy her everydarnpinkandpurpleponypuppykittything in sight.

When I found my boys again, they were somewhere around the cucumbers. There's probably a joke there, but I'll let it go. The pretty girls were also in the produce, probably the melons.

ahem

I hid behind a sign and, on an impulse, stepped in front of the girls.

sad, saggy mom with dark circles under her eyes: "Hi."

giggles "hi" beautiful, shiny smiles

"see that guy over there with the baby. he's my husband. will y'all play a joke on him with me?"

"like, what kind of joke?" the wind whistling from their open mouths

"go over to him and flirt with him. pinch his butt."

"seriously?"

"yeah. it'll be so funny. it's ok. it's a joke."

the third girl with the curly hair steps up "seriously?"

"yeah, he's really my husband. walk by and brush his butt, pinch it, grab it. just get him."

giggles.

The Mighty Hunter begins to walk toward the frozen foods. I scoot the girls on their merry little way and overhear, "I've never had anyone's wife ask me to..."

I head toward the end of the coolers to try to catch his expression as they goose him.

They walk past me and say they chickened out and overhear "he's got a baby with him. how cute."

Cowards. I would have totally done that, back in the day.

I so wanted to see him get embarassed. Or excited.

This seems so wrong, but I was so disappointed.