Heaven, here I come...

'Cause I've already been to hell and back.

Hell is a Wal-Mart SuperCenter in Anywhere, USA, the week preceding Christmas.

Hell is a first-grader with pink-eye the last few days of school before the Christmas break, crying herself to sleep because she's missing pajama-day/bring-your-favorite-book-from-home-to-read-to-your-class at school.

Hell is a hyperactive 6 year-old, eating entirely too much cake icing and chocolate-peanut butter combintations in any Wal-Mart SuperCenter in Anywhere, USA, the week preceding Christmas.

Hell is buying groceries in a Wal-Mart SuperCenter in Anywhere, USA, with said amped-up 6 y-o and 11 month-old and trying to remember what you needed to get that you forgot to put on your list.

Hell is trying to go through the self-check-out lane with said amped-up 6 y-o who LOVES to unload or scan the items on which you've just spent her college savings and NOT breaking the eggs or THROWING the eggs across the room or simply collapsing into a puddle of sobs in front of the self-check-out begging the computer to please, just be quiet. would SOMEONE just be quiet!?!?!????!!!

Hell is trying to eye drops in the pink-eye infected 6 y-o's eyes with her squeezing them SHUT without poking her in the eye or crying yourself.

Hell is dealing with the OH SO SENSITIVE feelings of your husband about his dad's fiancee' who doesn't want to spend time with your late mother's family because she feels "strange". (all of which is understandable, but PLEASE JUST COME ONE PEOPLE, GROW THE HECK UP!!!)

Hell is trying to discipline your 6 y-o without being "too hard on her" as you've been reminded by your husband or NOT disciplining her and being told (again, by your husband) "you need to follow through" without bitch-slapping him.

Hell is trying to find your own Christmas Spirit when you're so pissed off at everyone around you that you'd just rather be completely alone. I wonder if I could check myself into a hotel (or a hospital) for some alone time?

Really. I'm just wonderin'.



Merry Christmas, y'all. I hope your Christmas preparations and events are blessed and joyful. Mine are blessed, I'm working on the "joyful" part.





Now, there's a dirty diaper to change. Merry stinkin' Christmas...