80 cents + + +

Dear Highway Toll Administration LLC,

I wanted to take a moment to thank you so much for your conscientiousness. It is such a relief to know that my tax dollars are being spent so responsibly in this Government Bailout Age. I am truly thankful that you are attempting to collect each and every penny that is owed to the multiple toll road and bridge departments in this country.

Also, providing access to toll receipts for rental cars online using a rental agreement was a great idea. This makes completing expense reports a little easier. It can be hard to keep up with all those little receipts. Thank you for allowing me to pull up this information in a pretty easy manner.

Bravo.

On the other hand, I must ask you to consider the economics of sending out an invoice for an eighty cent toll. I feel certain that you have a discount account for mailing large quantities of items. I don't know the exact discount, but let's just grab a number out of the air - 39 cents.

You spent 39 cents on postage to mail the invoice to me.

You printed the invoice.

You purchased the mailing envelope.

You purchased and included a pre-printed return envelope.

You paid someone to punch a few keys and filter your reports to find this invoice and print it and send it to the machine that folds it and stuffs the envelope.

You paid someone to load the bag or box of mail and deliver it to the post office.

When I mail you my check for 80 frizzy cents, you will pay someone to process the payment in your computer system, enter the deposit into your accounting system and make the deposit.

You will probably mail me a receipt, so that's another bulk-mail postage fee, envelope and print/fold/stuff expense. Plus the labor costs for punching the keys and filling and lifting the bag of mail and delivering to the post office.

How much do you think you actually made on my 80 frizzy cents?

On second thought, I retract my gratitude for being so responsible with my tax dollars.

Like the Donald would say...

"you're fired!"