Number 300 (really and it only seems like it)

The "really" part:

This is my 300th post. Sad that I have found the opportunity to sit at my laptop and blather on about NOTHING 300 times over the past two years. Congratulations me. You've wasted a ridiculous amount of time. Your house is still dirty. Move on...

The "it only seems like it" part:

I just got a call from The Mighty Hunter. He asked me to help his CFO with a problem he was having with his Outlook, which will cause me to do the following:

1. change out of my silky warm blue-striped pjs (which I got for $20 just before Lucky's birth - yay me!)


2. put on a bra


3. put on actual clothes that are fit for the public eye


4. wear shoes before time to retrieve Stinkerbell from school


5. brush my teeth


6. fix the mop on my head (which had its platinum highlights covered yesterday, thankyouverymuch)

and an optional #7 - wear makeup.

He also gave me the ironically funny and good news that I get to choose a new cell phone today.

You see, because we own our own business and get a few "perks" in exchange for that ownership and my VOLUNTARY computer work ("voluntary" because I've been paid all of $2000 for it since inception in July 2005), *I* get a cell phone to use play with and all without worrying about the bill.

(Yay, small business ownership!)

Let me explain the "ironically funny" part...

Move #1 - In February 2005, when The Mighty Hunter left The Job From Hell (aka homeowners insurance claims adjusting), we ditched the cell phone company (and 10 year-old cell number) I had. We would be paying for BOTH numbers, and it made sense that it be FREE to call each other, right? We moved me from Verizon to Cingular (aka CRAP). When I moved to CRAP, I was assigned a number that was subscribed to SEVERAL weather text message services. In one week, I received 20 text messages about WEATHER in ANOTHER PART OF THE STATE! And I didn't have a text plan. They changed my number for free. My second number was a great one, very easy to remember 393-6767. Sadly, that second number was the best thing about my experience with CRAP. Even sadlier, that New and Improved number was not a local number for us or my parents or his grandparents or ANYONE WE KNEW or MIGHT CALL US.

Move #2 (or 200, so that my "300" exaggeration is not so impossible) - Later in 2005, TMH's business partner (BP) (who has cell phone ADD issues), decided that he could get us a better package with Verizon (my old cell phone lover). I was able to get a local number. This was an improvement. I got my first Razr. LOOOOOVE the Razr phones. It was not destined to last. Remember the cell phone ADD? (He has bigger ADD issues. We keep him busy with things like cell phone services. It lets TMH run the business, and BP doesn't screw with the network settings and cause me to fantasize about his Accidental Death as a result of being bludgeoned to death by a wireless keyboard, with his hands tied behind his back with a USB cable.) (ahem)

Move #250 - It was January 2006. Hunting season was in full swing (aka the "rut" for those of us "in the know"). Verizon's coverage is poor in the part of the state where TMH and BP hunt. I held my breath. I prayed. I swore - under my breath and aloud. I rolled my eyes. I griped. I got screwed anyway. BP moved us back to CRAP so that he and TMH could talk at the hunting club. The only good part was that I got to port over my local number this time.

Here's a light bulb idea I had... Why not get pre-paid phones to use during hunting season? Then dump service with CRAP when life returns to normal and we can all (me anyway) sleep peacefully with our Razrs?

But no. I was handed a new phone. A crappy phone with CRAP service. I don't remember the phone model. BP claimed it was a $300 phone. I saw the deal - free. It was not a flip phone. It didn't have a camera. I'm not a cell phone snob. Really, I'm not. But when you give me a Razr with a camera and good button size and large read-out from my lover cell phone service provider and then take it all away. Only to replace it with a piece of shi+ phone, that your wife and everyone else who got it hates too, I'm gonna let you know. In my own defense, I gave the phone 3 good weeks of use. I tried to like it. I made so many accidental calls, it was ridiculous. I sat down with BP, and, very diplomatically and kindly, explained that I was unhappy with the phone and would like a different one and so would everyone else. I got a Razr to use with my CRAP service.

Move #275 (which didn't affect me, but should be noted all the same) - The sales reps and drivers and service and warehouse staff were moved to Sprint/Nextel. They've also gotten used to the changes forced on them and are expert at rolling their eyes. We will enter the Olympics with the first-ever Synchronized Eye-rolling Team. Look for us.

Move #299 - May 2007. I got a phone call much like today's. The new phones would be here that afternoon. TMH didn't let BP nickle and dime me. I was getting a Rizr, similar to the Razr but newer and cooler and with a better camera. We were moving to Tmobile. The best part was that we were leaving CRAP and porting our numbers again. I promised to give it a chance. I liked the phone. I liked the service.

Alas. It has been a nice affair. But again, destined to end in heartbreak and disappointment and eye-rolling. We are becoming quite the cell phone company slu+s

Public Service Announcement: You should not let a baby chew on your lovely, cool phone. Even if it doesn't seem to cause any harm the first 25 times. Eventually, the screen will die and it will not power on and it will turn a little white dot under your battery red and will void the warranty. If you are, indeed, as dumb as Beboo and I, and let a baby, regardless of how beautiful and sweet, chew on and drool on your phone, you will quite possibly be carrying around a dead piece of electronics, or a very fragile one that may die at any moment. Beboo's died, mine is fragile and cannot be slid shut harshly and must keep battery fully charged in order to work properly. Don't say you weren't warned...

Drum roll.............

Move #300 - The Mighty Hunter calls this morning. He laughs at the sheer ridiculousness of it all. What else can he do, except cry? Or bludgeon someone to death ACCIDENTALLY with a wireless keyboard? (which is MY IDEA and I'd be totally pi$$ed off if he used MY IDEA!) I don't yet know what my phone choices will be, but I do know what cell company will be getting the pleasure of dealing with this historically unsatisfied and disliking customer...

CRAP.

You know that AT&T/Cingular commercial claim about "the fewest dropped calls?" Total CRAP.

Needless to say, I'm not looking forward to the reunion. I will, however, try some new eye-rolling maneuvers today.

You know how in Biblical times (and in Saudi Arabia) they stoned people for breaking laws? I could probably CELL PHONE BP to death with all the phones that we've used and abandoned and replaced.

300 cell phone companies and 300 crappy posts. It all makes sense now, doesn't it?

Thank you. You may procede with the day you had originally planned.