Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Trying to find peace

Psalm 121
A Pilgrim Song

1-2 I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains?
No, my strength comes from God,
who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

3-4 He won't let you stumble,
your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
Not on your life! Israel's
Guardian will never doze or sleep.

5-6 God's your Guardian,
right at your side to protect you—
Shielding you from sunstroke,
sheltering you from moonstroke.

7-8 God guards you from every evil,
he guards your very life.
He guards you when you leave and when you return,
he guards you now, he guards you always.

Only here for a moment

I'm not ending my break yet. I'm actually requesting an extension.

First grade began last Thursday. It is going well. Stinkerbell loves her teacher and is more confident than she was when she began kindergarten. I'm disappointed in the difficulty (rather the lack thereof) in the reading that is being sent home. (She was reading at almost 2nd grade level at the end of kindergarten. We didn't do any serious summer work, but she did improve.) I hope that her teacher quickly determines Stinkerbell's reading level and adequately challenges her. If not, I'll become the meddling mommy and just tell Teacher what I think and exactly how she can do her job better.


Soccer began Monday night. We skipped soccer last year as I was very much pregnant and only beginning to sneak away from the stupor of constant migraines. I think soccer might be more suited for Stinkerbell than teeball. She loves teeball and is pretty good. But soccer? Oh my. She had a big grin all over her face as she ran around and kicked the ball with her little fists bent at the wrist. The heat never seemed to bother her. Me and The Mighty Hunter? Griping and complaining and whining. Lucky? Mr Happy-Go-Lucky. Besides the heat, I got bit on my left foot by 3 ants during soccer practice. Stupid ants.


2 weeks ago my mother went to her internist for annual bloodwork, checkup, etc. She complained about her neck and lower back pain and was gladly referred to a neurosurgeon for proper diagnosis. CTs and MRIs showed 3 problems. I will list these in order from "routine" back surgery to earth-shaking-how-do-I-get-through-this...

1. lower back vertebrae joints have deteriorated and need repair. probably "fusing" of joints.
2. 2 bulging discs in her neck. standard surgical repair.
3. probable meningioma in her c3 vertebrae. intense, dangerous surgery.

My mom is my best friend. I'm scared shitless. There is a significant probability of paralysis and death.

The spinal cord at the c3 controls the heart and lungs and everything else below the neck. Basically, an injury to that particular area (whether accidental or damaged during surgery) could cause immediate death.

How do I tell Stinkerbell about this? Her Nanny is her only living grandmother, and she ABSOLUTELY ADORES her. Is there any way at all that I can prepare her for this? What do I say? How do I say those words? How do I do it without sobbing?

Because sobbing is about all I can do right now.

Today, mom had a stress test to determine her cardiovascular fitness for surgery. We'll know the results of it by Monday.

Thursday night, after soccer, we're leaving town. Mom, Dad, The Mighty Hunter, Stinkerbell, Lucky, me, and probably my brother, sister-in-law, 4 kids are going to the Smokey Mountains. We're going to do whatever strikes my mom's fancy. We'll loop Cades Cove. We'll climb Roaring Fork Motor Trail. We'll put our feet in the cold water (if there is any, thankyouverymuch drought.) We'll eat at her favorite restaurant. We'll laugh and tell stories. We'll be a family.

We'll be TOGETHER.

Thursday, August 23, 2007, 7:00 am CDT, my mother, Helen Silver, will undergo spinal surgery. Please pray for her.

Until then, I will not be spending a single moment reading your blogs - I'm sure you'll understand. I will be at my mom's house. On the phone with my mom. Cooking with my mom. Shopping with my mom. Watching Elvis movies with my mom.

I will not regret the way I spend this upcoming week.

I will not.

(I will be checking my email and will see any comments left. Thank you for your prayers and love. I will be back sometime soon.)