Monday, April 30, 2007

Mystery Solved


I've figured out what is wrong with me, but it has nothing to do with my diet.

Promise!

Forgive me, Target. You are my favorite love, but long distance retail relationships are so hard. And a girl has needs, and Wal-mart is just so quick and easy.

Important Prayer Request

Kelli is planning an intercessory prayer chain for Heather.

You can read more about Heather's situation here.

She will be having brain surgery Thursday at Mayo.

Click on over and share your prayers and well wishes. They will be forwarded to Heather and her family.

Saturday, April 28, 2007

Why do babies sweat when they cry?

just wondering

Long ago, when I had just begun to date The Mighty Hunter, we went out with another couple. The guy was a friend of The Mighty Hunter's from high school. The gal and I became close friends. When The Mighty Hunter and I married, they were both in our wedding. A couple of years later, they married and we reciprocated the ugly wedding clothes favor. (At least I did, The Mighty Hunter was working in NY and unable to make it back home for their wedding. We were broke as sticks and couldn't afford for him to fly home for anything.)

Married life is what it is. For The Mighty Hunter and I, it hasn't always been all sunshine and unicorns and white cotton candy clouds. But it has been pretty good. More good than bad, that's for sure. But for our friends, whose names are generic enough that I might use them here, Chris and Mary, it wasn't so great. It actually wasn't so great before they married. The Mighty Hunter and I actually discussed how we would handle our friendships with them when, not if, they broke up.

Mary and I were close back then. During their marriage, she fought Hodgkins lymphoma successfully. Chris was a devoted care-giver, as he should have been.

Their jobs moved them around for a few years, but they were finally able to get jobs back home (same town as The Mighty Hunter and me.) Not long after moving back home, which they both wanted, their marriage began to fail.

Mary and I talked about it. They separated. I was honest with her when she asked my advice. I told her to fight for her marriage and make it work. I called her to make plans to get together and her phone number was changed and no longer listed.

This hurt. She never called me to give me her new number. I've always felt like this was because she didn't want to admit to me that she was being unfaithful to Chris. Especially after blabbing my big ol' opinion at her.

They divorced. She married the man she had been seeing. Chris met someone and they married. Chris now has a daughter that is a good friend of Stinkerbell's. His current wife and I are good friends. I forgive her daily for being younger, thinner, prettier and more talented than I am. She needs me to fix her phone and computer. It works.

This happened about 8 years ago. So, the wounds are not fresh. I'm not angry at her for what happened between us. She had a hornet's nest of problems to deal with and didn't feel like she could come to me anymore. She chose a different path. One I didn't approve of and she knew it. So, our friendship was gone. Que sera sera.

Now you've gotta know that I live in Small Town, Alabama. And if you ever need to reconnect with an old acquaintance or family, then Wal-Mart is The Place To Be. A few months after Stinkerbell's birth, I happened upon Mary in the WM parking lot. She was going to have a baby the next January. It was almost like nothing had ever happened to pull us apart.

Fastforward to today.

Opening Ceremonies for Teeball*. Chris's daughter and Stinkerbell are on the same team. Mary is coach of a different team (her son's.) It's crowded and prevents an encounter. I know there won't be any excitement or Jerry Springer Behavior, but I sense the anxiety of Chris's current wife.

I ask The Mighty Hunter if he's aware that Mary is "over there."

"yup."

"should we say 'hi."

He's not going to. His friendship ties were with Chris. "you don't need to go look for her and give her a hug."

Now, not having ever been in this particular situation before, I wasn't sure how to handle it. I trust The Mighty Hunter's understanding of Chris's opinion and probable reaction to my speaking to his ex-wife. I also don't think that it would hurt his current wife, but I will protect that relationship over an estranged friendship with Mary.

The thing is, our kids' teams will play each other. Mary will be on the field with her team while The Mighty Hunter and Chris are helping to coach our girls' team. She will see me and Lucky and Stinkerbell. I will not ignore her.

Do I make an effort to talk to her away from Chris and his wife?

Do I just wave at her and smile while sitting right next to Chris's wife in our Mommy Chairs?

Do I talk to Chris's wife and offer to introduce them?

The inevitability of their meeting and having to deal with each other is high. Mary teaches math and coaches at the middle school our children will attend.

Please share with me your wisdom and opinions. I would also love to read your stories, good, bad and especially FUNNY, about these types of encounters.

So, now's your chance to enlighten and educate me about this etiquette. Oh, and hurry up. Our very next game is Tuesday, May 1 and it's against Mary's team. ::smirk::



*Opening Ceremonies? yes. Opening ceremonies. Not much of anything, really. Just an opportunity for the mayor to appear and welcome everyone to our town's recreational fields. There is a very special theme this year, though, for the teams. About a month ago, a young girl who has played in the Rec Dept leagues suffered an aneurism and died. She was 9. In her memory, all the girls playing today wore pink socks with their uniforms. Also, a white balloon was released for each death at Va Tech and a pink balloon for this special girl. Her picture is posted at the center of the fields on the bulletin board. It was very touching. She was a very special kid and her death was sudden and tragic. Our coach - a big, tall, probation officer - wore pink socks too.

Friday, April 27, 2007

Yay! Jesus!

We've tried to be honest with Stinkerbell and explain life and illnesses and death to her in terms that she was capable of understanding. She has, for years, understood that "everything dies." She has also understood that people have the opportunity to have eternal life through Jesus Christ.

So, tonight, the Relay for Life brought into focus for her the "everything dies" reality. Always a tender-hearted and precocious child, she talked with me about the illnesses and deaths due to cancer.

Fast-forward to bedtime prayers.

"Dear Jesus, I love you and thank you for loving me. Watch over us and keep us safe. And I'd like for you to save me so that I can see my mommy in heaven again someday."

Now, we've talked about her salvation before, and she has expressed the interest in it but wasn't quite ready to make the move and say the prayer.

I fetched her daddy and baby brother to her room where she knelt beside her bed with its butterfly quilt and purple sheets and asked Jesus to come into her heart.

Yes, Mommy cried. She's still crying. Like Stinkerbell says, "it's just happiness leaking out my eyes."

Yay! Jesus!

Kay Carroll
Rother Carroll
Candee Parrish
Vernon Carroll
Jenny Kirby
JB Stinson
EL Bowen
Minerva Casey
Marvin Chandler
Nellie Stover
Tanya Rudder
Peggy Monroe
Roger McDowell



Cancer has touched each and every one of us in some way. When we lost The Mighty Hunter's mother in 2000, our lives really CHANGED. She was a very charismatic person; full of humor, love, life and smart as a whip. She fought her cancer with the determination and discipline of a professional, world class athlete. Given 6 months to live, she proved to her doctors that diet and nutrition can make a significant difference in quality and quantity of life and lived 2 years. During those months, she lived a life full of joy and grace and dignity. Having given her heart to her Lord as a child, she made sure to share this relationship with others at every given opportunity. She sang like a lark of her love for Jesus. She devoted her time to helping her family and providing for them in every way. She lived.

When I was five, an older cousin lost her leg and then her life to bone cancer. A beautiful, blonde-haired little girl of 10, she loved gymnastics and ganging up on me with my brother. But she never lost a strand of those golden locks to the radiation or chemotherapy. Or her perfect smile.

I will light candles in their memory. I will walk and talk about them, remembering their lives. Because it's their lives that matter. Not the cancer that snuffed out their lights. Their lives.

And I will walk in honor of The Mighty Hunter's dad and my mom's best friend. I will celebrate their victories over cancer. I will laugh with them and look forward to their futures. Because it's their futures that matter. Not the cancer that threatens them. Their futures.

Together we will listen as the names are read. We'll cry. We'll remember. We'll celebrate. We'll raise money to fight cancer.

Find the Relay for Life in your area and get involved.

Photo Friday
Isn't that Hannah Montana?
Nope, it's just Stinkerbell.
Fooled ya!




Boy, Lucky Boy.
Breastmilk, shaken, not stirred.



Yeah, I totally want to eat them up.

Thursday, April 26, 2007

This happened today. 15 miles from my home.

My pastor is on our sheriff's SWAT team and worked the raid.

All is well. Bad guys are wearing stripes now.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY



must. resist. the. dirty. jokes.


Castle du toiletries
by famed architect Stinkerbell 2007

Have you seen this????

I would totally buy her cd!

Go Melinda!!!

Jennifer, the newest member of the support group for those who should have restraining orders against me, tagged me with this meme.

How sad is my life that I got all excited when I saw her linking to MY LIL OL BLOG!!! I REEEEEEEALLLLLLLLY NEED TO GET A LIFE!

Anyway, I've linked to a few new blogs and hope you'll visit them as well as the rest of the blogs that have already been linked.


Click. Read.

***Start Copying Here***
*NEW ADDITIONAL RULE: You must spider the previous tagger and DEEP LINK a URL so everyone gets a better link! *

1) Write a short introduction paragraph about how you found the list and include a link to the blog that referred you to the list.

2) COPY the ENTIRE List below and add it to your blog. To avoid duplicate content and increase the amount of keywords your site can accessible for, go ahead and change the titles of the blog. Just don’t change the links of the blog.

3) Take “My Adds” and move them into the “My Originals” list.

4) Add 3 Brand New Bloggers that you know of

My Adds:

Girl on a Mission
Will Blog for Shoes
Our 7QTPies
Especially Heather - read for inspiration and encouragement

I have so many blogs I enjoy reading. I have picked three that I hope will join in!

Here are the originals:
Absolutely Bananas
Auburn Gal Always
While You Were Sleeping
Momology
Christy's Coffee Break
Playgroups are No Place For Children
Simple Kind of Life
A Madison Mom
MsDanielle
I'm not just a mom... I'm a Home Mom
WahMedia Blog Network
A Celebration of Curves
RealtyBizCoach
Live the Power
Home With Heather
girliegeek reviews
tinybellows
80’s films
blog me
blog sire
E G
spinayarn
silken
ussjbird
Singlish Bible Verses
sien stories
ValkrieANGEL
Fellow iPod lover Diana Tan
Forever Tulip
Recommended Read
Doris
Paris Beaverbanks
Albie
Menj
Samantha Yeap
Chan Eileen
Chan Lilian
Liew CF
Andrew Wee
Hong Kiat
Gary Lee
Ed Lau
John Chow dot Com
Nate Whitehill
Stephen Fung
Michael Kwan
Jeff Kee
Stuart Hannig
Hannes Johnson
Nomar AhSoon
Nathan Drach
Saman Sadeghi Jon Waraas
David Lithman
Matt Blancarte
Ryan Parker
Josh Buckley
Matt Coddington
Brice Wong
Leo Chiang
Tyler Ingram
Ah Boon

***Stop Copying Here***



What is your dream job (besides Motherhood)?

1. I would like to donate my days to medical research. I feel as if I could really make major contributions into the fascinating and important research into the sleep patterns of American women in their mid-30s from NE Alabama. Mostly because I just need sleep.

2. Blogger. Because the ability to use links in my personal communications and journaling is in need of more practice.

3. Photographer. I love to photograph my kids. But I don't think I want to take pictures of anyone else.

4. Pajama tester. (see #1 above)

5. Kindergartener. Wouldn't it be just ultra-cool to wear fun, colorful clothes? Have silly, out-of-control hair? Have the energy to run and jump and crawl and gallop and climb trees and sing and dance from the minute I get out of bed until the minute I am forced, kicking and whining, to go to bed? See the world as BRAND! NEW! AND! EXCITING! AND COLORFUL! AND FUN! AND! INTERESTING! AND! COOL!? Be small enough to still be carried around by my parents when my legs are sooooo tired? Be able to say "pweeeeeeeeze" and get most anything in the world? Be able to climb into my mom and dad's laps for a snuggle?

6. Pillow tester. (see #1 above)

7. List maker. Well, because I'm good at lists.

8. Bedsheet softness tester. (see #1 above)

9. CHBM Carnival thinker-upper.

10. Professional shopper. Why let these mad, God-given skillz go to waste?

11. Alarm clock snooze tester. (see #1 above)

12. Food critic. 3 words: mad, God-given skillz.

Monday, April 23, 2007

I'm trying to figure out how to do strikethrough text.

I can't find the keyboard shortcut for it. But I've found the html.

I'm saving it here so I can find it again later.

Also, I've made a label for it too.

Ain't I smart?


strikethrough

Alec Baldwin, Isaiah Washington and Don Imus.

Isaiah was wrong when he said what he said about his co-worker. It only made Isaiah seem like the bottom-feeding bigot.

Imus was just a danged fool for saying what he did about those dedicated, talented college athletes.

Should Imus have been fired for his remark? Not my call. I protest these things with retail votes - choosing to NOT buy from advertisers of shows like his.

Should Isaiah have had to go into a RESIDENTIAL REHAB "facility" for making a homophobic slur? Again, not my call. But if someone called me a redneck, I would be the joke and not them. And it would be quite OK to insult me in that way. (Being a redneck comes from living where I do and speaking with my particular drawl. see the comparison I'm NOT spelling out?) Isaiah almost lost his job over his poor judgment.

Alec Baldwin ranted at his DAUGHTER for missing his call. Are we going to let him get away with this? Is his job in jeopardy? Should he be allowed to parent without serious help in controlling his impulses and an increased understanding of the term ABUSE?

Vote with our dollars.

Stop watching 30Rock.

Stop watching all the dang Discovery Channel shows he narrates.

Stop buying the products that advertise with his voice-overs.

Pay attention.

A child deserves at LEAST equal support from us that the Rutgers women's basketball team and TR Knight got.

This is a child.

He is her father.

Shame on you, Alec.

Shame on us if he gets away with it.

Cleaning House and Other Miscellaneous Crap





Yesterday, I went over to my old, temporary blog at wordpress and copied the handful of posts from there and put them over here at blogger.





Here are the links.





Great Pumpkin





BANG BANG





The Mighty Hunter





#2





duh





eBay





Friday Night Lights and a Flock of Ducks (my favorite post title)








***********





Friday evening Stinkerbell had a fever. 103.3. Nothing else wrong with her except a little bit of a headache. Ibuprofen helped with the temp and the headache. She was all apanicky about not getting to go to her friend Lauren's birthday party the next day at Club Libby Lu - which you must observe sometime. Saturday morning, she was without fever and no other symptoms, so I let her go.





Yeah, you totally get me. I don't give a rip about the other kids catching what was clearly SARS. I want my daughter to get her nails painted, her makeup done and a cheap Hannah Montana wig! Priorities, people!





And she was totally Hannah Montana. Don't even TRY to shortcut the name. It's not Hannah. It's HannahMontana, said as fast as a 6 y-o from Alabama can say it.

Sweet Niblets!



More from Friday night... The Mighty Hunter was given the grocery list and asked to go get the groceries. Yes, I have completely lost the will to live. But I felt that, since I no longer wanted to live, I could die as a martyr by staying home with my daughter who was dying from SARS and the possibility of not going to Libby Lu. So, he goes to our Wal-mart and gets the things on the list. But I can't just leave his grocery shopping trips with this simple description. There must be a play-by-play...



He has his bluetooth thingy in his ear and calls me and this is what the other shoppers hear him say to the voices in his head...



what kind of cheese? cheddar? mild? sharp? sharp. sharp or extra sharp? extra. they don't have extra sharp. oh wait here it is. ok. do I have any of my sandwich cheeses? yes, I ate them up already. here they are. I'm getting some anyway. napkins? where are they? I see 'em. hand soap? does it matter what kind? no, they all have scents now, you must not have looked at the soaps lately, they all have a scent. smelly. smelly. smelly. stinky smelly. [coughs gags] good grief! that stinks! smelly. here's some Ivory. I'm getting Ivory. we don't need dog food, you got it already. ok, what's left?



Can you IMAGINE the looks he gets? People, we live in a very rural area. There are some serious hillbilles here. They probably think his bluetooth is a hearing aid (I've actually been asked that before.) They're probably telling the managers to call the police because this madman in the soap aisle is arguing with himself and insulting the soaps.



And he does this EVERY TIME HE GOES TO THE STORE WITH MY LIST.



Yes, I'll accept your prayers and sympathy.



But when he comes home from his sociopathic trip to Wal-mart, he sneaks in the back door to surprise me with roses.



Roses! and Chocolate chip cookie dough!!!



"because you've seemed kinda down lately"



which only made me cry again. dang postpartum depression.



Yeah, I'll keep my crazy, inept-shopping Mighty Hunter.

Friday, April 20, 2007

Dear Anonymous Commenter,

Thank you for stopping by. It's nice to know that people are reading my little stories about my little life. It's also nice when someone leaves a comment.

I know that when I was pregnant with Stinkerbell, The Mighty Hunter was in limbo between identities. He had been just my husband for 8 years when she was born. But the transformation from husband to dad happened in all of 30 seconds (or less). Suddenly his spine turned to Jell-O and there was no going back for him.

I had been "mommy" since I first felt her kick. Possibly before. But his entrance into fatherhood was delayed until she was born. And then, The Mighty Hunter reached out and touched her slimy, bloody little hands and body and wept. This same man who had to leave the birth classes to vomit because of the accuracy of the medical diagrams and drawings. DRAWINGS.

But back to you, Anonymous Commenter. I appreciate your comments on my writing style. And I congratulate you on meeting your millionaire wife via that site. That's cool.

I wish you both all the best in your marriage and lots of good snuggling with your baby.

Don't be a stranger. Come back again soon.

War Eagle,
Auburn Gal Always


You like me. You really like me!
[fans face. bats eyes. blushes. wipes tears. grips imaginary golden trophy.]
I want to thank my parents for not just killing me as a kid and using all that money for my braces and clarinets and college on glamorous vacations to Branson, The Mighty Hunter thanks for digging for your clean underwear and socks in the laundry basket while I poured my heart and soul out to perfect strangers, Stinkerbell and Lucky I hope you’ll forgive me for telling all these stories on you!, Rachel you started this with your Connections blog, and Jesus for giving me reason to get up in the morning and forgiving me for going back to bed when I shouldn’t have, well that and all those other sins, but mostly going back to bed, and Jennifer at Playgroups are No Place for Children for nominating AND awarding me
Jennifer, the ultimate Playgroupie, has done something quite dangerous. (She's just wild and quite a rebel, y'all!) She has, without any thought to the repercussions and consequences and stalking that this will cause, given out her Thinking Blogger Awards. And guess who is all worked up and excited and full of herself now because Jennifer picked her! Go ahead, guess. I'll wait.
[drums fingers. "doodidoo dee doodidoo".]
ME! I KNOW! Whodathunkit?
So, here's the thing. I'm still pretty new at this blogging thing, especially at the community-like behavior we're supposed to display. You know, commenting, reciprocating comments left here with a visit back to the commenter's blog, not asking for home addresses and locks of hair, not. writing. like. this. ALL! THE! TIME!, making sense occasionally and other good manners. But I think I'm supposed to link back to the original Thinking Blogger Award site, and then tag 5 other bloggers.
But, I think I'll do a little something else. I think I'll share with all my stalkers - uhm, readers - all the previous things I’ve won in the past. It’s a short list, I promise. A short, sad list.

1 - In 4th and 5th grade, I won my class and school spelling bees. In 4th grade, I beat my older brother (8th grader). The word was “apparel.” I guessed. I had to use spell-check just now to make sure it was right.
2 - In 9th grade, I won Miss February (maybe it was March, I forget, see how important it was to me!) in my school’s annual calendar girl beauty contest. We didn’t have calendars printed with our pictures in it (see how important it was to everyone else!)
3 - In 9th grade (it was a banner year) I won a raffle drawing at a marching band fund-raiser (band geek? HERE!). It was a mirror. In a plastic gold frame. With a lion’s head at the top. And a clock inside the lion’s mouth. And red, silk roses in the clock. We still have it. We TREASURE it. We’ve given it away as a gag gift dozens of times. We shipped it for a gag gifting via UPS, who broke the mirror and paid us $100 for the damage. I LOVE this mirror.
4 - I won a photography contest. One year, I entered photos from our vacation to Jackson Hole, Wyoming, and won the grand prize ($200). The next year, I won for best children’s photos for pictures of Stinkerbell’s bare butt ($100). This was BDC (Before Digital Camera), so I still have to dig those shots out and scan them. And, no, they’re not scrapbooked away. I have to choose blogging or scrapbooking, folks. And I just love y’all more than my family’s photos.
5 - I won a book earlier this year just by sharing how I would read a favorite book to Stinkerbell and how special it was.


Ok, now I have to follow the rules. Darn rules. I’m supposed to tag 5 other bloggers who make me think. First, you’ve got to understand that right now, in the midst of a mild amount of postpartum depression, not much makes me think. A lot of things make me cry – no, weep. But think? Not so much. I’m afraid you’re about to be disappointed in me. Mostly because of my limited imagination, I would award those who have already been awarded many times. I'm just a follower, folks.

(Since it might be a little repetitive, I won’t tag Jennifer. But I really want to. Just so you know, Jen, you’d get an award from me too!)

1 - Girl on a Mission – I don’t really believe in coincidence. I believe that we live in a paradox of God’s omnipotence and omniscience and our free will. But there are definite times in my life that I realize (usually in retrospect) that God has guided me to do a certain thing. One night a few weeks ago, I was fighting the insomnia demons. In an attempt to exhaust the voices and static in my head, I turned on the laptop and began following blogroll links. I found Kelly’s blog and she had just posted a very revealing entry about how God had restored her marriage. It was exactly what I needed to read, and I’ve gone back to it several times since. Thank you, Kelly, for your blog, your comments, your prayers and your example.
2 - Especially Heather – Heather is in the midst of a health crisis. I only began reading her stuff when I saw BooMama’s entry about the terrible news she received and am completely, totally, absolutely amazed at the grace and strength and peace she shows as she seeks out doctor’s opinions and treatments for, the mother of all health terrors, a brain tumor. Her faith amazes me. Amazes. Me. She is in my prayers; add her to yours.
3 - Bettie Bookish – A cancer survivor and mom to 2 adopted toddler daughters and a very tall son with some wild hair, Bettie writes of her life somewhere in NY. Her posts about her mother’s house – the house that has a life of its own – are incredibly poignant. Her reminiscences of her childhood are wonderfully bittersweet. Her humor is razor sharp and keeps me returning.
4 - The Wait and the Wonder – The mom of 2 beautiful, precocious girls, Moreena tells of her normal life with a child who is awaiting her third liver transplant. Two things in that sentence warrant repeating: normal life and third liver transplant. The pictures of amazing courage and humor and wonder-of-it-all that she paints with her words are truly a joy to read. It baffles me to read how she does all she does and makes sure her daughters - particularly the older one with the health issues - have a wonderfully happy, wonder-filled childhood.
5 - BooMama – I list BooMama last mostly because she has received many awards before, and I fear that this one will be lost in the clutter of some blog closet with the other acknowledgements from perfect strangers. I mean when you’re nominated here, things like this can get lost in what must be a LONG list of commenty emails. But she totally rocks. She's funny as crap! But she also communicates some beautiful things and encourages the rest of us to do the right things in our little blogging neighborhood.
So there. I've been awarded and done my own awarding.

A note before I shut up – My Friend Rachel’s baby blog is private. Were it not, I’d totally put it at the top of my list. Her friendship is what gets me through some very, very rough days. So, Rachel, consider yourself tagged, should you want to award some of your favorite bloggers. Oh, and I love you to death! BFF! [snickering at my own dorkiness]

One more note before I shut up – Jennifer, you may have created a monster. While I appreciate the award, I’m quite amused at this nomination and seriously wonder if you really understand that it’s about blogs that make you think, not shake your head in pity and disgust.

Now, go forth and share the bloggy love!

Thursday, April 19, 2007

First, let me say that I typed "blobber" instead of blogger. ha!



On to the real post...

Go here. Look at that number. That's a lot of money, folks. 5! digits!

This internet neighborhood and family of ours ROCKS!!!

Wow. That's all I can think of to say... WOW!!!!

If you've missed the story before now, just follow the links on that page.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007


A very talented web designer, blogger and mom has been given a very frightening diagnosis. (Brain tumors are just plain scary.) Heather and her family are no strangers to major illnesses (including organ donation).
I don't know Heather. I think I've left 2 comments TOTAL at her blog. And both of them have been since I followed the link from BooMama to learn more about Emma Grace and, now, Heather's health hurdle.
I've been amazed at the genuine love and concern we in the blogosphere and, more specifically, the Mommy Blogging Neighborhood (cuz that's what it feels like to me, a neighborhood, where we have coffee, have playdates and make great friendships) has shared over Heather's immediate future.
I've also been amazed and absolutely blessed by Heather's strength and her focus on God's guidance and sovereignty in this time of her life.
So, today, BooMama is sponsoring a webathon for Heather, to help with the expenses as she goes to the Mayo clinic, etc, for 2nd opinions and, possibly, treatment. If you have a dollar or two or more, please share it for this quite worthwhile purpose.
Also, Beth at I Should Be Folding Laundry is making it all competitive-like with a contest for those of us who share the word and do what we MUST! DO!, blog about it. You should go and look at all the bloggers who have posted about this.
Go on, now. Look.
Bye!

Bodily Fluids.

(I'll try to not be too gross. But the very topic is gross. So, The Queasy should just move on and read something NOT Gross from my Archives.)

Bodily fluids generally have a color. Blood is red. Poop is usually a nasty brownish thing (unless my grandmother is taking Stinkerbell to the bathroom after she has eaten some blue candy and drank lemonade. Then it will be a terrifyingly lime green that causes my VERY BACKWARDS OLD FASHIONED doesn't-say-pregnant-but-whispers-"pg" 80+ y-o grandmother pray for her very bowels.) Snot SHOULD be clear, but if you've got my allergies and sinus problems, its not (geddit? its not - itsnot - it snot! I kill me!) Pee is yellow.

For some reason, it surprises me that bre@stmilk is white. Or at least that MY bre@stmilk is white. This is probably connected, psychologically speaking, to the amazement that I can sustain a baby simply by feeding myself and letting him latch on and snack away. I guess I expected my bre@stmilk to be clear.

Or chocolatey brown and sweet, like my chocolate chip cookies.

Or like tea, good Southern SWEET Tea.

Or purple like the grape kool-aid we had last week.

Or yellow like the Country Time lemonade we drink all the time.

Or bubbly clear like my strange and new addiction to Sprite.

Or light yellow like the butter and Velveeta that I add to everything.

Or red like the tomato sauce and Rotel that I use in everything I cook.



I mean, if Lucky is getting the nutrients of the foods I eat... (Yes, I DO eat a nutritional diet. Velveeta has calcium. Chocolate chip cookies have eggs. Rotel has tomatoes and chiles and other Rotelly things.) ...and has the smelly man-farts to prove it, why shouldn't the milk he drinks LOOK like those foods?

Monday, April 16, 2007

Tackle It Tuesday Meme


Tackle It Tuesday. I'm beginning to realize I don't do much tackling on Tuesday. I tend to tackle off schedule. And I don't have pictures. But I did eliminate the need(?) for a $100ish expense with this tackling. yay me!

Oh well and anyhoo....

I so Rock!

You may not know this about me, but I'm a mechanical genius. It's a genetic ability I inherited from my dad, who is quite the inventor, himself. I'm not so much of an inventor as I am a master disassembler and reassembler.

I can correctly fold road maps. Now that we have dashboard navigation systems, this is an obsolete and totally useless skill, good for a polite spattering of applause at the weirdest of cocktail parties.

I know how to fold fitted sheets so that they make mostly-square shapes.

I can do origami shirt folding, but don't really like it.

I've replaced belts on vacuum cleaners.

I am the one that assembled our bbq grill when we got married. And I only used the hammer once, and it was because a part was damaged in shipping. I promise. In shipping, I tell you!

I am definitely the one who assembles most toys. Unless, of course, I am great with child and then The Mighty Hunter should just get his hammer out and get to work.

I don't do auto-mechanical stuff. It's a little greasier and dirtier than I like to get. But my dad can make any engine hum like something that hums nice and quiet. He holds 2 patents for xalternative fuel furnace systems for use in agricultural buildings (like chicken farms, etc.)

When I left home and moved into my first apartment at college (yes, Auburn University!), my mom gave me my first hammer and screwdriver set. She said that a "smart girl like you can drive her own nail and screws and should have the tools to do it." And that the "hammer is useful for self-defense too." Also, that if I waited on some man to do it for me, I'd probably need the hammer to teach him a lesson in a totally different manner. Or something like that.

I have lost track of most of those original tools. I still have that hammer and, for some reason, feel sentimental about it. MY HAMMER. I have since added to my tool collection. The Mighty Hunter has found that I'm decent at choosing individual tools and will sometimes take the "five finger discount" on the choicest ones he finds in my toolbox.

jerk

When I say I have tools, I should clarify. I have a great little needle-nose wire-cutter thing. MY HAMMER. Small screwdrivers ideal for toy battery cover removal and computer work. A flat screwdriver that has a durable handle I use as a chisel for various things. Just before Christmas, I bought myself a cool little racheting tool that has about 24 different tips: Phillips head, flat head, hex head and small sockets. The driver part will adjust to a 45 or 90 degree angle. And - AND! - it has a great little pouch that keeps it all together. I'm tempted to put some kind of Lojack device on it, as The Mighty Hunter covets it fiercely. I've hidden it in the back of the Pimped Out Mamamobile. bwahahahaha!



Anyway, back to me Rocking!

I've been lazy about getting my old stroller out and cleaned up to use with Lucky. To be honest, I haven't been anywhere that didn't have shopping carts for me to put his carseat carrier thingy on.

My laziness had to end though, as tomorrow, I'm taking Stinkerbell, Lucky and a friend to meet The Mighty Hunter in Birmingham, and we're all going to the zoo. A stroller without zoo cooties for Lucky will be a MUST. Which meant that I had to first FIND my stroller, and, second, wash the fabric parts.

How many of you have ever removed all the fabric pieces from a stroller? The stroller I have uses 10 different screws to hold the main fabric seating piece to the metal frame. The basket in the bottom is attached with heavy duty snaps. The canopy thing has a metal frame and velcro.

It has been probably 5 years since I've used this lovely hand-me-down from my brother's kids. I grabbed my racheting tool and quickly removed the fabric pieces and threw them in the washing machine. The basket got wiped down with a soapy rag. However... And isn't there too many "howevers" in life? However, I didn't really pay attention to exactly how the basket snapped in. And I remembered that the canopy was missing a part that held it in place in the back. In place off the baby's head. (I suspect this is why my brother gave us the stroller when Stinkerbell was born.)

Short List in Ways I Rock in Assembling Stuff Late at Night:

1. I got all the fabric pieces and the basket back in place with only looking at a picture from the internet of the same stroller for sale. For $10, how sad. I was hoping to find the assembly instructions or user's manual from Graco, but no luck.

2. I used my needle-nosed wire-cutter tool to cut down a really wide clothes hanger to fix the canopy so that it would stay off the baby's head and actually work properly.




No, I have nothing else to write about. Thank you for tolerating my madness one more time.

G!rls G0ne W!ld

This week is Spring Break for Stinkerbell. She is beginning to express the feelings of the first-born child who now has to share her parents' attention with a baby brother. We are very thankful that she has not acted out in inappropriate, aggressive, bratty ways. yet. We've tried very hard to give her some special attention each day. We've not been 100% successful, but we've tried.

She has begged for a puppy for months (years?). We finally relented and got her the cutest, dumbest black lab puppy, Jake, a week ago. I suppose the Easter Bunny could be given a little credit. Today, she commented on how Sport (our old, stinky farm dog) seems very sad and is not getting any attention now that Jake is here.

"I wish we hadn't gotten the puppy."

Being a graduate of the Dr. Phil school of psychology, I caught on. I knew that she was just transferring her feelings of being overlooked to the dogs. When I asked her about this, she admitted as much.

So, this week, I have promised to spend as much time as possible doing things that SHE wants to do. We plan on going to the park! Dressing up and having a Tea Party! Making lots of cookies! Eating all those cookies! We might go to the zoo in Birmingham tomorrow. Saturday, she has a birthday party at Club Libby Lu. If Lucky will go to sleep, we'll take the monitor outside and fly! a! kite!

So, forgive me if I don't post regularly this week. I'm trying to win the Mom of the Year, and she is the only judge.



*****************



A note to Jennifer at Playgroups and BooMama... I voted for you at Blogger Awards! Cuz you keep me smiling!




***************

We slept till 9:30 this morning. I slept till 10:45 yesterday morning!

Sunday, April 15, 2007




Because of you...

I'm writing this as my entry into the Christian Women Online Blog Challenge to describe how blogging has been a blessing to me. I don't think I'll win the prize, but I'd love to. I would so LOVE a custom blog design. Nevertheless...

Blogging is a form of journaling that I've actually maintained longer than any previous attempt at recording my thoughts and experiences. While I've never kept a prayer journal, I kept a diary for a few weeks after Stinkerbell's birth and, of course, as a kid. I never did much in my wedding book or baby books! I suppose those forms of expression were just not geeky enough for me, I suppose. Blogging allows me to tap into my intense yearning to express myself with words and sit at my computer much longer than I should, all the while making friendships with others in far-flung places and just down the road.

I've become fascinated with how some exceptional writers can paint pictures of their mundane lives with their children and husbands. Pictures that are just plain hilarious and poignant. Pictures that inspire. Pictures that build a bond between bloggers. (how's that for alliteration?)

I can peek through kitchen windows and watch other families go through their lives. Organ transplantation (here too). Adoption. Large families. First-time mothers. Major illness. And humorous gals who give to others.

But for me, blogging provides an interaction with adults (ADULTS! YAY! How's my hair? Let me change out of my pj's into real clothes!) that is precious to me at this point in my life. Staying at home with a newborn son, breastfeeding, etc., contributes to a pretty high level of loneliness and detachment for me. Admittedly, this blogging interaction is not face-to-face, but it works for those of us who suffer from varying degrees of social anxiety. And much like email and instant messaging, I can share what I want to share and hide what I want to hide. I can begin and end my "conversations" when I choose. I can ignore whom and what I want. I can avoid the things that cause me stress and grief. I can enjoy the things that I love. I can ask the questions I need answered. I can express my deepest, darkest thoughts. I can peel the onion of my emotions and sinful life. I can seek reassurance and love from others in similar circumstances. I can find God in it all. I can praise Him too.

Recently, I've reached a cross-roads in my life. A pattern of behavior must end and a new way must begin. This change has not come as a surprise. But it has been avoided and procrastinated. Facing my failures hurts. a lot. Knowing I've disappointed my husband tears my heart out. The guilt is killing me.

A few weeks ago, I was unable to sleep. In an attempt to exhaust my thoughts and distract myself from the stress caused by my guilt and self-loathing, I began browsing blogs. I stumbled across Kelly's blog and this entry. Her willingness to express the changes God made in her and her marriage truly touched me. And for the first time, I wept and asked God to heal my heart and change ME and not change my circumstances to suit me.

God hasn't finished with me yet. I'm way too stubborn for my own good. And, like in the past, God has to get my attention in a big way to get me to put forth the kind of effort He requires.

Through Kelly, I've been encouraged and challenged to be a better person and a more genuine Christian and to put my heart back into my marriage - as God desires of me. Through responses to my posts about this phase of my life and my requests for prayer, I've been shown the love of God for me that brings me to my knees. Now, when I can't love myself, God is loving me through His children that are strangers to me.

I've written this without proofing it thoroughly. I'm gonna leave it as it is now. I'm afraid if I try to make it better, I'll take something away from it. In my attempt to improve my grammar or syntax, I might remove some of my sincerity. I might close my kitchen curtains and shut you out, hiding my life and protecting myself.

But, this mostly anonymous blog allows me to tell secrets that I normally would bury in the deepest, darkest places in my heart.

It feels wrong to say these things about Kelly and the other blogs that have blessed me so much without saying one more thing. Thank you. Ok, two things: God Bless You!



This article is my submission to the blog challenge sponsored by Darlene Schacht,, the founder and editor of CWO Magazine, Uniting Women of Faith.

7 years.

Today is one of the days of the year that has meaning for everyone. Everyone in the US (even those who do not pay federal income tax) know what happens every year on this date. Except this year, today is a Sunday, so tomorrow is the deadline. (I don't know why I felt compelled to explain this. Y'all know. duh!)

But today is a very special day for me and a close friend of mine. It is so special that it helps me forget my hatred for accounting and fear of taxes.

blurby recap:

7 years ago today was a Friday, and it started normally enough.

I had put in a full day of work as the Wholesale Sales Manager for an ornamental concrete manufacturer (birdbaths and pots and fountains and stupid little statues.)

My mother-in-law was quickly losing her battle with chronic lymphocytic leukemia.

The Mighty Hunter had finished a week as the claims adjuster for a major national insurance company (aka crappiest job in the world.)

The little group of people in our church that performed special songs practiced that night.

The Mighty Hunter operated the sound system for us.

We had baby-danced that morning. (Isn't that a sweet way of saying bumping uglies?)

I got pregnant.

Our very close friends who were married 1 week after us were facing a crisis in their marriage as she checked herself into rehab for codeine, etc addiction.



So, today, as I self-medicate with chocolate chip cookies and cold milk, I think of how my very brave friend faced her addiction and the demons that lay with it and beat them. I think of how she suffered physically as she detoxed and emotionally as she worked through her recovery, rebuilt the lost trust in her marriage and family, sought forgiveness for the damage she had wrought , devoted herself to her son and husband and a myriad of other humiliations and growths I can only imagine. I wait until I know she will have a few minutes to herself so that I can call her and tell her "happy birthday." I know that many years I've been the only one to remember this day and congratulate her.

None of you know who she is. And that's just fine. I would never out her here. But in this quasi-anonymous community, I want to express how proud I am of her. She inspires me. There are a couple of you who read my ramblings a little regularly now [blush]. If you are a member of the same club as this friend of mine, you have a share of my admiration for the courage you exhibited in cleaning up and remaining clean. I realize, through this particular friendship, that it is a daily struggle, physically and emotionally. I admire your courage as you deal with those demons.

You rock!

Friday, April 13, 2007

Do me a favor please.

Go over and visit Stinkerbell's blog. Yes, my daughter is starting down the road of blog addiction with her mommy.

anyhoo

Leave her a comment - cuz she needs the encouragement, and she's cute.

btw, I typed all but the very first few sentences. She did those.

[proud mommy here]

Once again at Crazy Hip Blog Mamas, it's Photo Friday. Today's theme is Handmade. (Which I'm sure you guessed by the BIG BOLD ITALICIZED TITLE I used. duh.)
I'm not a very creative person. I sometimes will binge on making crafty things. But it's been a good while since that has happened. Besides food. I cook several times a week. But I've chosen to NOT disgust you with my Culinary Genius.
Instead, I'm gonna force you to look at my Christmas card from 2006. Stinkerbell drew it with very little help from her unartistic mommy.


4 Stockings. 1 each for Stinkerbell, The Mighty Hunter, Auburn Gal Always and the baby who would not be born for a full month after Christmas. But she didn't want him to be left out.
A Christmas Tree. I tell you that because I feel I must. Not because you wouldn't know a Christmas Tree. You're much smarter than I.

And the Nativity Scene. There's the bright glow of the Star, the Manger glows too because "the baby Jesus is in there and He glows", a lamb, a donkey, Mary, Joseph, and a chicken. Chickens are not the most popular animal depicted at the birth of our Lord and Savior, but Stinkerbell is convinced there were chickens. And who am I to argue with the logic of a 5 year-old I call Stinkerbell?
I LOVE this Christmas card. Because Stinkerbell drew it and work very hard to make it purdy.
Now scoot on over to CHBM and see what the others are bragging 'bout.

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Can you guess what causes this excited little smile?

Mommy?
Daddy?
Sissy?
Puppy?
Toys?
Pacifier?
Blanket?




The ceiling.
My son finds the ceiling more interesting, more exciting, more entertaining, more pleasant, more everything-positive-and-good-in-the-world better than his mommy's face. Sad. A shower might help with this sad situation.
But before I rush off to the shower to frantically try to remove the stink from my skin, lunch!
I made meatloaf for Easter lunch. It was the lowest fat, best WeightWatcher's points (my calculations) recipe I could develop and it was actually pretty darn good.


And what better side dish to enhance the healthy-eating lifestyle than macaroni and cheese with extra Velveeta!

But before I can get a shower, I must go chase down the doghouse. Why? Because the wind just blew it off the back porch. Yes, our doghouse is on our back porch. We're that kind of tacky rednecks.

And PROUD OF IT Y'ALL!

note: I apologize for the crappy spacing and layout you see. I have no control over how Blogger spaces between paragraphs and I give up!

Blogger, I hope you're happy. You've won again. [sad face]

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

The dog that ate the sliding glass door.


Puppies are so cute and stupid

I don't want to be me anymore.

I don't know WHO ELSE I would like to be. But it's not me.

I know that everyone has their own hornet's nest of issues. I'm just tired of mine.

I know I'm not alone in this too. At least I think I am.

I don't like the things I do. I don't like making the same kind of mistakes repeatedly. I don't like me at all.

I could go back to bed for the REST of the day. And I totally would if I didn't have commitments and responsibilities. I wish I didn't have those particular responsibilities.

I'd like to eat a whole pack of chocolate chip cookies. Right Now. All of them. With a gallon of milk.

Screw being an adult.

Screw healthy eating.





I think I'd like to be Stinkerbell. Or Lucky.

I wish I could just like myself. I wish I could be a better Me.

Me sucks.



I guess it wouldn't be inappropriate to ask for a few up-lifting prayer and thoughts. Thank you.


Pollen. Since I've been under the care of my OB for roughly the past year, I've not seen my regular doctor for anything. I saw him once at the local Western Sizzlin' piling the fried chicken and macaroni n cheese up on his plate. He spoke to me and congratulated me on my BULGING pregnancy. We invited him to sit at the table with us. He declined, claiming to enjoy eating alone occasionally. I wanted to poke him in the hand with a fork. I THINK I might enjoy eating alone occasionally too. I wouldn't know. But I look forward to the pollen parade so that I can go and share our family's wages with our doctor $30 at a time. This is what makes our nation's economy work. Spend Spend Spend. Especially on fun stuff like antihistamines, anti-biotics and Puffs Plus.
Bugs. Eventhough our winter was relatively mild, we didn't see any flies or mosquitos or gnats over the past few months. Gosh. There's nothing as special as finding a fly sitting on the nose of your newborn son.
Lawnmower. It is sooo much fun to drive that big orange Kubota round and round and round and round and round. I love to lean waaaaay over the side to mow under the low limbs on the magnolia trees. While I've never gotten a tattoo, I proudly display the scrapes and bruises I get while mowing under those trees. Those scabs? They're cool.
Gas prices. With the travel and vacation season arriving, the gas prices always increase JUUUUST enough to make it hard to afford that trip with the kids to the neighborhood park.
Power bills. Here in NE Alabama, it gets so wonderfully hot and muggy. Sticky. Even the blue blood ladies of the town stop perspiring and start sweating. My mom has a saying, "it's so hot that a kleenex would stick to my face and never come off." But we have the great opportunity to once again contribute to the nation's economy by paying more of our income to the local electrical utitily board to try to maintain a relatively comfortable temperature in our house.
Tornado Warnings. I'm such an adrenaline junkie. It is plain thrilling to hear the weather radio alarm and tell me that an F3 tornado touched down 2 miles away from my house and is rushing over to suck off my roof and impale pine trees with playing cards. Stress! Excitement! Fun!

See? There's so much about Spring that I enjoy. Most of those special Springalicious things are related to the bastard son of the four seasons: Summer.
Ok, there really are things that I love about Spring. It's been a while since I did a list...
Spring Love List:
1. dogwood blooms
2. redbud blooms
3. buttercups/daffodils/hyacinths
4. comfortable temperatures for just a few weeks
5. fun afternoons playing outside with Stinkerbell
6. teeball (my secret stress reducer!)
7. end of basketball season (why does the NBA think they should play 10 months of the year?)
8. being outside without high risk of sunburning my delicate pasty skin
9. barefeet that aren't cold
10. flying kites
Click on over to Crazy Hip Blog Mamas and see what all the others love about Spring.

Wordless Wednesday - in which there are words, because I can't shut up


Welcome to the Auburn Family Always, Jake!
















This happened this morning. We all missed it. So this is a dramatic re-enactment. No animals were harmed in the production of this historically accurate documentary.
Yes, he's a big boy at 10.5 weeks.


15+ lbs. 23.5"





Size 2 diapers.

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Tackle It Tuesday Meme

This tackling didn't happen on Tuesday. It happened on Friday and Saturday. I was tackled by this tackling. It was already on my "to do list," but The Mighty Hunter was the reason it happened this weekend.

Just a little bit of history would be helpful... The Migty Hunter's mother died almost 7 years ago. His father works in Florida - or wherever insurance catastrophes have occurred - and is NEVER home. 2 years ago, we moved into his home. We have not-so-successfully merged the contents of two homes into one. This home is a wonderful blessing. But there is the very thin tight-rope-walk that I experience when cleaning out the contents of closets and storage, which makes it difficult for me to simply clean out things that were The Mighty Hunter's mother's. There are just some decisions that have to be made that I don't want to make.

So, when The Mighty Hunter asked why there was a small hacksaw (in its unopened packaging) in the kitchen drawer, we began. And, oh, the things we found. Baggies full of nuts, bolts, washers, nails, screws. Twisty ties. 2 rolls of wide duct tape. Stapler. Extension cords. Fuses of all kinds. Light bulbs. Mystery cylindrical things that required 1 AA battery, but emitted very high frequency squeals (yes, I can hear them and The Mighty Hunter can't), which we suspect is some way his mom attempted to keep mosquitos away.

The drawers were pretty quickly finished and the mess removed. We reorganized the contents and put little containers inside to hold the junk and other miscellany.

After picking Stinkerbell up from school and taking her to singing lessons, we returned with the plan of dying her Easter eggs and then she going home with my parents for the night. But that plan became questionable when I returned home to find The Mighty Hunter standing on a stool, cleaning out the highest cabinets. This would be manageable if he hadn't already emptied the canned foods from the lower cabinets and left them in groups, on the floor, on the counter, in the sink and in the dish drainer. He had washed many of them because a can of pineapple slices had begun to leak and had spread its spoiled, brown, stickyness around on many, many other cans. You might think that we would have known this by the smell. Nope. It didn't smell at all. I've been in those cabinets daily without smelling a thing. And my nose works just as well as my ears. Still the cans were sticky. Ick. Ick. Ick.

You see, I had already planned to tackle the general-admission-standing-room-only-crowd of canned food. Most of which were tossed in the garbage. Yes, some went to a local food pantry. But the scary thing about canned food is that you can't always tell if it's spoiled. It doesn't always make the can bulge. It doesn't always smell funky. Food poisoning can be invisible and unscented.




That's just 2 shots of the disorganized and evil clutter.

Here are 2 shots of my masterfully organized accomplishment.


Recipe Rally!



This week, Crazy Hip Blog Mamas is featuring desserts in their Recipe Rally. Great! My favorite food group!



I've made a few different desserts over the years. I've baked a few cakes. I've made brownies. I've made homemade ice cream. But the dessert I go back to over and over again - mostly because of its quick and simple preparation and complete YUMMINESS - the #1 dessert in the Auburn Family Always house is chocolate chip cookies.



Again, I've made chocolate chip cookies from scratch. I've tried the mixes in the store. I've tried many different recipes, looking for the Perfect Gooey Chocolate Chip Cookie. I've found it:



Perfect Gooey Chocolate Chip Cookie.


Mostly, I have hints for using the dough: Preheating oven is not necessary. I often turn it on just before putting cookies inside. You may store dough in the freezer and bake immediately, without waiting for it to thaw. Use a large knife to slice the dough, if frozen.


Use the temperature on the package - 350f. I set my timer for 8min 45 sec. I then do a check every 60 seconds or so.

The cookies are done when the square shape has just barely disappeared and the cookies are barely browning on the edges.


Yes, I use pre-packaged W@l-mart brand cookie dough. It costs about $1.75 per package. I can produce 20 incredibly gooey and yummy cookies in about 35 minutes. I figure that it's cheaper than buying a bag of chocolate chips, flour, eggs, etc. And at least twice as fast.

I'll share one more recipe.

Doodoo Cookies (aka #2 Cookies, No-Bake Oatmeal Cookies)

4 cups water
2 cups sugar
2 very heaping Tbs cocoa powder
Instant oats
4 oz cream cheese (more or less according to taste)
1 heaping Tbs smooth peanut butter (more or less according to taste)

In a large sauce pan, combine water, sugar and cocoa. Increase heat until this reaches a good rolling boil. Allow to boil until bubbles become large and mixture is thicker and it reaches the “hard ball” stage.* When hard ball stage is reached, remove from heat. Quickly stir in cream cheese and peanut butter, a perfect mixture is not necessary here. Add oats to mixture until your preferred consistency is reached. Less oats yields a more candy-like cookie. More oats yields a more chewy cookie. With a tablespoon or small serving spoon, drop cookies onto wax paper or parchment paper. Allow to cool. Lick the pan and spoon clean to conserve water and soap during clean-up.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Now THAT'S True Love

Stinkerbell gets carsick sometimes. Especially when I drive waaaay too fast down our very curvy, winding road in a mad rush to make it to the Easter egg hunt before too late. So, I'm responsible for yesterday's puke. Partly responsible. I blame some of her nausea on my own mother's genius idea of feeding Stinkerbell unlimited corn and bubble gum.

yuk.

Stinkerbell has done this enough times to know to hold her hair back and to get in the proper stance to prevent it from getting on her clothes or shoes.

Now that I think about it, she has never vomited in our own yard. Sure, our toilets, our floors, our puke bowls, our hands. But this was the first yard vomit.

She rinses her little mouth out with the bottle of water I keep in the Pimped Out Mamamobile for just this reason. We wipe her little face. She's all better.

To make sure his little girl is ok, Sport, the Stinkingest Dog in the County, comes to her side, "You not gonna eat this? OOOOOH thankyou thankyou thankyou."

Yes, our stupid farm dog ate the puke.





I figured if I hadn't completely offended you yesterday with my Plan B for removing the Easter Bunny from our house, that I should go gross on you.

And just in case I did offend you yesterday with the Easter Bunny Plan B, then get your p@nties out of a knot. It was a joke.

Saturday, April 07, 2007

Sometimes it's worth the sitting fee
or
Cause that's just the kind of caring Mom I am.

Today was a crazy day. It actually was just a big left-over mess from yesterday. Which I blame The Mighty Hunter for, 'cause HE STARTED IT.

I'll not go into details in this post about what he started. I'll leave it for sometime next week probably. But, it's nothing fun or interesting. Crap. Now I have to find a way to make it fun and interesting. Crap.

Today was the Easter egg hunt at our church. Stinkerbell had spent the night with my parents, so I had to drive the 20 miles to get her in a record time to not be late, because I can't seem to remember that I have a baby to get ready and that I can't just step into my shoes and grab my purse and GO!

We were late anyway, but that was ok. I had called and they promised to wait on us. Isn't that great? I love my church.

So, she hunts eggs. In her wool coat, gloves and ear muff-thingys. Because, today, April 7, 2007, in Northeast Alabama, it was 47 degrees Fahrenheit at 2:00pm. And last night? It snowed.

We would have missed the snow. Completely missed it. Except that The Mighty Hunter had to pee. In the yard. He has this favorite place where he has peed for years. Stinkerbell frequently asks him why he pees in the yard all the time.

"Because I can, and when I do, my socks don't get wet."

After the egg hunt, we had dinner with some friends. Lucky has become quite the flirt. He has begun to coo and gurgle and squeal on command. We call it his "talk button." It was fun.

On the way home, we enjoyed hearing Stinkerbell talk about the Easter Bunny and how she hopes he remembers her. How she hopes he might leave her a picture of himself and a letter too. And toys. And how does he get in the house? And what if he forgets her? And we need to really hurry and get her home so she can go to bed.

So we get her home. She runs upstairs to her room. Then darts into the bathroom to brush her teeth. Then begs me, almost crying, but definitely trembling, to help her get her sweater off her head.

"Mommy, I weally wish I could see Pluto again. I weally miss him. But I'm glad he's the Easter Bunny now."


*********************************************************

Four years ago, I decided I wanted to have Stinkerbell's picture made for Easter with a bunny. Now, photography studios ini my area do this all the time. Dress your kid up, and they'll provide the bunny. Sometimes they even have a lamb.

But I'm cheap and deluded into the belief that I can take professional quality pictures in the comfort of my own home.

I decide that I could take the picture of my beautiful daughter in her beautiful Easter dress with a bunny my-dang-self. So, I take Stinkerbell with me to a swap meet/flea market kind of thing. This particular one is a LONG-standing local tradition called "Trade Day." It's held every Saturday, rain or shine. You can buy just about everything there. If it's legal to sell without a special license, there it'll be.

The animals are usually way up on the hill, and I'm guiding a 2 year-old through the labyrinth of vendors.

"No. Don't touch that. Put that down. Say 'excuse me.' Don't put that IN YOUR MOUTH. Don't step in that. Here wipe your shoe off on this rock. Ewwww! That stinks. I think I'm gonna puke."

Finally, we stop at the first man with bunnies. He picks up a very cute little brown bunny. This is the calmest, most tame rabbit I've ever seen. I have no memory of the bartered price, but this bunny was ours.

After a stop at the store for a water bottle and food, we took Pluto home (then pronounced poodoh. Everything was named Poodoh for about a year.) Pluto was still the calmest bunny. Even being investigated by our big, stinky dog didn't frighten him.

Stinkerbell wanted to share the bunny with her Nanny. We loaded him up to go to my parent's, where my mom was convinced we'd get mites or some other vermin from the critter.

So, Pluto stayed in her cool garage with a fresh bottle of water and some food, while Stinkerbell, Nanny and I ate lunch. Not long after lunch, I learned why Pluto was the calmest bunny ever. At Stinkerbell's request, I went to the garage to check on him.

thinking: "Well, he's fallen asleep. I guess I should pick up the food that spilled. He's not moving. He's stiff. Holy crap! The Easter Bunny is dead! Oh, gosh! What if she comes out here and finds the dead rabbit? I've got to do something with him. I've got to come up with a story! I've got to find another dang rabbit!" (confession: I might not have thought "crap," "gosh" or "dang".)

So, Pluto #1 went into Nanny's garbage can. The cage door was left open. I saw something across the road in the field that might have been - COULD have been - a rabbit. I conconted a story about how he was sooooo smart and escaped the cage and probably ran across the road to that biiiiig field to play with other bunnies. All of which was possible.

Stinkerbell cried. She begged to go find him. We called a friend who raised miniature lop-eared bunnies. He gave us a rabbit. Pluto #2.

Now, Pluto #2 lived with us for a few days. I took the stupid pictures. I didn't like any of them. Stinkerbell, The Mighty Hunter and I all got sick from the stupid rabbit fur. Sinus infections, allergies and asthma ran rampant in our house until I found a conspirator who was willing to remove the Easter Bunny from our posession.

So, the day after Easter, Pluto #2 disappeared. He "left a note," which I read, explaining that the old Easter Bunny had asked him to come live with him and learn how to be the Easter Bunny for next year. 'Cause he was OLD.

And that's how the Easter Bunny go the name "Pluto".

*********************************************************

I've been asked before what I would have done with the rabbit if no one would have adopted him.

Please understand, I love animals. I really do. I love our dog and cat. The Mighty Hunter and I had a pet rabbit while still in college (You can litter box train a rabbit for their pee. They poop whenever and wherever they want.) I grew up riding horses all the time. My grandparents had cattle that was more like pets than farm animals. But I'm from the rural South. We eat meat. I eat meat. I like meat. I believe that God gave us permission to eat meat. We ate those pet cows from my grandparents farm. I'm married to an avid hunter. We eat the meat he kills. He has trained our dog to fetch dove and quail and crap when he shoots it. And we eat that too.

Our stinky dog eats meat.

However, I don't eat rabbit. Unless it's chocolate.

*********************************************************

I found a picture of an Easter Bunny and typed a letter from Pluto #2 and printed them out. They're with her Easter gifts, which The Mighty Hunter picked out all by himself.

Lucky has a cute little basket with a chocolate bunny too. Mommy will make sure he gets the benefits of that chocolate, if not the taste.

*********************************************************

At the Easter egg hunt at church, Stinkerbell said the blessing before snack time.

"Dear God, thank you for letting us get to hunt eggs and have a good time. Help us to remember what Christmas is really about. We love you. Amen."

*********************************************************

She's right. Without Easter, Christmas wouldn't be anything special.

Without the crucifixion, the Birth would be forgotten.

Remember what we're celebrating.

*********************************************************

See you again next week!

Thursday, April 05, 2007

Long toes.

I'm tapped out today.

I have nothing to say. But don't tell The Mighty Hunter unless you enjoy someone laughing at you for saying the goofiest, wrongest things possible.

And I don't feel like blogging today either. You probably are thinking, "Oh No! She must be sick! to not feel like blogging." And you'd be right. I am sick. I have a $30 sore throat. $30 plus antibiotics and Allegra-D.

Sweet sibling snuggle.

Since y'all got such a kick out of Stinkerbell's mad photography skillz yesterday, I thought you'd enjoy her latest masterpiece.


She calls it "Pencil in Mommy's Hand by the Pond with Fooffy Clouds."


I have to go spend too much money on modern medicine. And vinegar. Because we HAVE! TO! DYE! EGGS! MOMMY!

My kingdom for a nap.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Tuesday, April 03, 2007

Recipe Rally Time!

Crazy Hip Blog Mamas hosts a Recipe Rally each Tuesday. Today's theme is Potatoes.

Years ago, we lived a short time (18 months) in Los Angeles. While there I ate potato soup at a restaurant and loved it. As I am psychotically confident in my ability to re-create many recipes, I began first TEACHING myself to make potato soup and second deciphering all the yummy flavors that were in that bowl of scrump-deli-icious-ness.

Now, keep in mind that I ate one bowl of soup at that restaurant and made lots of pots of potato soup. By the time I had finalized my recipe, I had forgotten what my inspiration had tasted like.

Here's my recipe for potato soup.

(I tried to come up with a funny, witty name. The best I could summon is a Dan Quayle reference.)


Danny Boy's Potatoe Soup

4-5 potatoes, peeled and cubed
1 lg onion, chopped
Water
2 chicken bullion cubes
1 T garlic powder (or 1 crushed clove)
1 tsp ginger
1/2 tsp thyme
2 T real bacon bits (no bac-o's crap)
5 heaping T all-purpose flour
4 c milk
velveeta cheese

In large soup pot, place potatoes and onions, cover generously with water. Add bullion cubes, garlic powder, ginger, thyme and bacon bits. Bring to a boil; reduce heat to medium-low and allow to cook until potatoes are tender. In a mixing bowl, combine flour with 1 c milk; using an electric mixer or hand blender, blend on high speed, eliminating all lumps until a paste forms. Add remaining milk to flour mixture and combine well. Pour milk mixture into soup pot. Stir well and allow soup to heat through. Do NOT boil. Stir in velveeta into each bowl to taste.

Eat, get happy and fat.

Stupid strikes again.

Piece of advice, from me to you, because I love you more than myself.

Do not EVER take a picture of yourself with a digital camera pointed up at your face. No matter how irresistable the urge to show your blog reader(s?) the big fat lip that your sweet son gave you with is baby headbutt move.

No one wants to see your fat lip.

No one wants to see your sallow skin.

No one wants to see the dried out Death Valley cracks in your lips.

No one wants to see your nose hairs.

Really. No One.

And you'll only want to curl up under your bathroom counter and cry.



umh. yeah.



So, Lucky is sweet and adorable and has not yet mastered the control of his head. You'd think that I would learn that babies can suddenly lurch their pretty little bald heads forward very quickly and with great force. You'd think that I'd learn that after every single baby has head-banged my mouth and made me bleed. You'd think.

Oh, no. I'm way more stupid than any of you realize. Really, lower your expectations.

Lower.

Lower.

A little more.

There. Right between Rabbit and Eeyore.

Eeyore just passed me.

*****************************************************

I'm soooo excited. One of the funniest bloggers left a comment.

here

on my post

mine

little ol' me

Normally, I'd probably italicize, bold, underline and SHOUT. It doesn't seem decent. And you'd realize I'm a lonely, lonely dork.

I'll try to be cool now.

Hey, Jay. Good to hear from you. Thanks for stopping by.

Oh yeah. I'm cool.

ohmyohmyohmy

*****************************************************

Have a great day kiddos.

I have to try to shower now.

And find an ice pack for my fat lip.

*****************************************************

Dork out.

Monday, April 02, 2007

Apologies to all.

*IF* anyone is subscribed to my blog and gets overloaded with new posts, I'm terribly sorry.

I'm attempting to organize my posts into neat little categories.

Since I'm impatient and despise looking up things in the labyrinth of blogger.com's so-called support, I'm gonna "edit" the posts to apply the labels.

This MAY create the impression of a LOT of new posts.

Not so. I'm just kicking up a lot of dust.

Thank you for your patience.

You may now return to your previous blog, already in progress.

Laconia, New Hampshire, who are you?

You stop by and peek through my blog windows and see my dusty furniture and dirty dishes in my sink. You hear my washing machine running and my baby talking and sometimes fussing. You see me in my pajamas, on the couch, living vicariously through the blogs of much cooler, much better writers. Yes, that's the Young & the Restless I'm watching. I've crushed on Eric Braeden since I was in 4th grade. (ooh, Victor, you're so handsome and dashing in your evilness)

You stop by almost everyday.

Are you watching for me on Google Reader? Waiting to see what I've got to rattle on about? Some new something or other that I've got on my mind? What kind of boring mundane thing I've done? What kind of idiot I've made of myself?

Or the most adorable baby videos and pictures and kid pictures out there?

You check in on me, and then go your merry way.

Stop in for a cup of coffee. I've got some great, yummy, little flavor that I've been waiting to try that makes The Mighty Hunter (in his limited coffee wisdom) squinch his nose up like he's smelling Lucky's stinky diaper or just a big nasty fart.

I always have some oj in the fridge and can usually bake some chocolate chip cookies at the drop of a hat. No, they're not from scratch. They're even better. They're GOOEY.

You don't have to stay long. Just long enough to get on a first name basis.

I know you won't always have time to stop and chat or discuss my latest act of idiocy. That's ok. Visit when you can. Peek through the window when you can. We'll be cool like that.

Just don't be a stranger.

Sincerely,
Auburn Gal Always



P.S. This might apply to a couple other blog stalkers. I'd like to get your name too. You know, so I can call the police and get my restraining orders.

P.P.S. Ok, no restraining orders. I'm just lonely and want the attention. Just say "hi" from time to time.

P.P.P.S. Pretty please with sugar on top and chocolate sprinkles. :-D