Auburn Gal Always

duh (copied from Wordpress)

"There are times when he's not the sharpest tool in the shed"

Or “It’s a Good Thing He’s so Sexy”

Mighty Hunter is a very smart man. He has a lot of talent and skills in business and sports and just regular daily things. There are days, on the other hand, where he gets by because he is cute and has a great, funny laugh.

MH is a deep sleeper. Stinkerbell has inherited that gift. She can sleep very soundly while I bang her bed with the vacuum cleaner. I can remember times when I was a deep sleeper. Then one Presidential Inauguration Day, I gave birth and my ability to hear even the slightest wheeze, sniffle, cough, sigh or breath was intensified to the point that I struggle to sleep at all.

When Stinkerbell was a baby, but old enough to be rolling around on her own, she was in bed with us one night. There were many nights when she slept with us before we finally brain-washed motivated her to sleep in her own bed. One night, she rolled herself all the way to the bottom of the bed without me realizing it. When she rolled herself off the bed and thumped onto the floor, her scared cries jerked me awake.

With the grace and agility of a leopard groggy mommy, I leapt from my sliver-thin portion of our KING-SIZE bed and turned on every light I could reach. Stinkerbell is still screaming, but she is not really hurt. Considering this was the first of, well, more-than-one fall from the bed, she and I handled it pretty well.

Mighty Hunter didn’t handle the situation so well. Not that he panicked or lost consciousness or anything. Losing consciousness would imply that he actually awakened. Panic would also require consciousness.

Conscious? No.

Asleep? Yes.

Annoying? Yes.

Lacking common sense? Yes.

MH sits up in his ¾ portion of the bed and appears awake. His eyes are open. He has a concerned look on his face. But his words reveal his true mental capacities...

“What’s wrong?”

“She fell off the bed.”

“Did she bounce?” Lies back down on his pillow. Closes eyes. Snores.

Did she BOUNCE? He is soooo lucky I’m occupied caring for his child to smother him with his own pillow. This might just count for temporary insanity.

The next day, I thank him, with all the stinging sarcasm I can muster, for his assistance during the night’s excitement.

You’re gonna love this.

He doesn’t remember it at all.