Wednesday, February 13, 2008

I've never been a fan of Valentines - yet

After a week of feeling awful, not sure if I could pull it together for the family, not sure if when we would be able to feel good together again... feeling like shit and hating myself a LOT...

We talked last night. I received forgiveness from him. I expressed my sincere regrets and sincereR desire to be who I should be for him and the kids. He reassured me. He still loves me. Always did. Always will. Will never leave me. Never considered it. Never will.

He moved back into our bedroom and out of the guest room. He held me close and rubbed my back, just like I like but never ask him to do.

I still have a long way to go to earn his trust. I still have a lot of work to do to be the person I should be.

I have two callings on my life right now. I am first and foremost to be a good wife. I am also to be a good mother.

The mothering part is easier because they're needier.

The wife part is harder because he is capable of doing for himself. Yet, it is my responsibility to do the things I have been overlooking, to take care of my husband, to serve him in the way that I can (just like he serves me by going to his job daily. so don't get your feminist panties in a bunch.)

I will not be back here a lot still. I will be doing my job.

I've been busy already. I have cleaned out my laundry room. The duct thingy had a hole in it and was blowing lint ALL OVER THE ROOM. I washed the floor UNDER MY DRYER. I have cleaned out my bathroom drawers and thrown away OLD MEDICINE (don't tell The Mighty Hunter, he might faint.) I have cleaned out part of my linen closet. There are 2 large garbage bags full of stuff for the Salvation Army (and certainly more to be found!) I found 6 pairs of shorts for The Mighty Hunter. I found old blue jeans of Stinkerbell's with holes in the knees (now those legs have been cut off for adorable shorts for Lucky. don't tell The Mighty Hunter they were girl pants!)

I also have a little boy who took his first steps. Let me state that accurately... He didn't take his first STEP. He took 5 stepS! He also found his nose and learned to turn around and slide off the bed, backwards, without help.

All of this happened yesterday.

I have to go and move everything up off the tables and put foam on the corners of all the wood furniture.

I also have to go and find something to cook for supper. I have a special Valentine who will be flying to Orlando tomorrow but deserves a special meal. He deserves the very best.

Just when my doubts begin to take over and rule my mind, he steps up and shows me his Heart and gives me a great example of Christ-like love.

Thank you for your very KIND comments and prayers.


Love Bears All Things said...

I'm so glad things are getting better for you. One of the things I do for my hubby that means so much to him is meet him at the door when he comes home with a hug and a kiss and a smile on my face.
I've been doing some cleaning and organizing this winter too. I need to tackle those bathroom drawers next.
Keep posting.
Mama Bear

Super B's Mom said...

Hang in there. You're in my prayers.