Auburn Gal Always

Do they have a place at Gitmo for newborns?

Cuz my son's a traitor.

He has betrayed me.

Me. His mother. You'd think I'd get a little respect.

After all, I was the pregnant one. I was the one that puked my guts up and had the splitting migraines for 2 months. I was the one that got all those great pain meds! I was the one that waddled around with sciatica. I was the one that grew the brahma bull hump. I was the one that suffered from the constipation and diarrhea. I was the one that was told that you might 10 lbs! I was the one that needed the epidural to push you out of my patooty. I was the one that needed the stitches. I was the one that lost a lot of blood. I was the one that fainted and puked. Twice. All over the Labor/Delivery Suite. And the bathroom. And your Aunt Beboo. I was the one that had the OMG-take-your-breath-away-Wish-I'd-practiced-that-stupid-breathing afterpains. I was the one that had "retained matter" and developed an infection and had to go BACK. TO. THE. HOSPITAL. AGAIN!! for a D&C. I was the one that was nuts from the cabin fever. I'm the one with the sore nipples and leaking milk and wet clothes. In public. Unaware of it.

Ignorance prevents embarassment. It's just better to not know. At least until you get home.

And there you go, you traitor. You choose your DADDY to coo at first. He's the one that gets your first awake smile. He's the one that you listen to on the speakerphone and coo to AGAIN.



No love for Mommy.



I'm the one that gets to hold you the most. I'm the one that gets to snuggle close to you during the night. I'm the one that can silence your PITIFUL ANGRY cries just by holding you.



I'm the Mommy.



And you know it.





















Still, you're a traitor and I will remember it forever and will get my revenge by showing all your girlfriends the pictures of your naked butt and embarass you.




























That hairy crack is gross isn't it?