So, the credit card bill from Christmas shopping and baby supply shopping and final clearance maternity clothes shopping and and and and
Well, it was here last month and some of it was here in December. And, we put everything on our credit card because "we pay it off each month and it earns us points toward the very valuable and important and precious hunting addiction supplies and some great shoes and sweaters and Gore-Tex coats".
except I didn't.
Pay it off, that is.
I did make some substantial payments toward it, but OMG, the way this family consumes unnecessary things like milk and toilet paper and soap and diapers and formula too (because Lucky is a bottomless pit. bottomLESS, I say) and the car insurance and DirecTV and a few other things automatically get paid by the credit card. So, the balance is not going down.
It's not going UP either.
very much at least.
Well, The Mighty Hunter was given the news yesterday and the Great Money War began again after a tenuous cease-fire.
So, here's the damage.
I'm no longer handling money of any amount beyond pocket change.
pocket change = coins
I no longer have to pay the bills. I've hated and despised and loathed and hated that chore for years. I don't know why I've been the one to do it. But no more.
I have to consult with The Mighty Hunter before I make any purchases.
any = a coke
I have to submit receipts for every expense.
every = a coke
I have disappointed and hurt the Mighty Hunter and his confidence in me and his trust in me.
I can't begin to put into words the black pit of self-loathing and self-pity I'm in today.
He's not talking to me very much. He's forcing himself to answer my questions. He's not mad or yelling. He's through with that. It didn't change anything and he's through wasting his energy. He's civil. He's hurting and disappointed.
I'm responsible for that.
It breaks my heart to know I've done that to him.
he still loves me.
his email back to me. Yes, I emailed him, because I'm chicken and it's the only way I can build the confidence to say that I need to hear that he loves me still...
"I will always love you. That’s something that will not change no mater what. It’s not something that I can turn on or off by your actions"
Party on, Gal.
Yes, I know that there are much worse things that I could be going through. There are much worse things that are going on in this world. This is just what I'm going through right now.
and it's really hard
really really hard
Not to be totally bipolar or anything, but...
Lucky's infant acne is not acne, its eczema. And that bottomless pit thing? Yeah, his weight gain is great.
Birth - 9 lbs
2 days old - 8 lb 2 oz
5 days old - can't remember
15 days old - 9.5 lbs
yesterday ( 1 month, 1 day old) - 11 lbs 14 oz
Tuesday, February 27, 2007