An open letter

Dear Levis (and other jean manufacturers),

I am an average woman of average height with an average figure that
wears an average size.

I don't wear support underwear -yet. I don't wear a thing. I save my
floss for my teeth. Nor do I wear granny panties. But underwear, it's
not my problem.

My problem is that I have worn many styles of jeans in my life. The
550s on me now have been good to me. They're cut to fit me
comfortably. They're the right length, without needing to be hemmed.
My issue us with your decision to include Spandex or Lycra or Stretchy
Thread Of The Year in this style.

Here's how itworks for me...

I dress in my clean jeans. They're a little snug, as is SOP with
Freshly Washed Jeans. I squat and twist and they become tolerably Not
As Tight.

I wear these jeans all day, as they are an integral part of my Uniform.

After 5 or 6 hours wear, I am forced to hitch them up a little so as
to not reveal the color of my Barely Theres.

At the end of my long workday, I am aware that my jeans are barely
hanging on my hips. And everyone knows my Barely Theres are blue.

Please tell me the purpose of Stretchy Thread Of The Year. Cuz if its
to make my jeans a little more comfortable when I first put them on,
no thank you.

I don't want anything special. I just want my jeans to not outgrow me
over the span of one day.

Thankyouverymuch,
Keri