Monday, May 04, 2009


Good friends of ours are divorcing.

They have 2 children together, 8 y-o daughter and 6 m-o son. He is a long-time friend of The Mighty Hunter. He and I have been friends for 20+ years. (sheesh, we're getting old!)

I wish she and I could have been closer friends, but our personalities clashed at times. My opinion of her as a friend works perfectly with the reasons for the divorce.

She is leaving him "for purely selfish reasons."

He is devastated. He still loves her. He is still in love with her.

There have been rumors for months (6+) that she has been seeing someone else. There may even be paternity issues with the newborn son.

My heart breaks for him. He has asked her to go to counseling; she has refused. He will be alone in the house they have filled with their family for the past 4 years; she is leaving and taking the kids. He has devoted himself to her; she isn't looking back.

My heart is sad for her. She has so much; she is dissatisfied. She has someone who loves her unconditionally; she is indifferent. She has a good family; she is tearing it apart.

I checked. My rose-colored glasses are put away. I know him well enough to know that he is a miserable, gloomy-gus most of the time. Oh, he can and will charm you if you work with him or aren't close to him. Once you become important to him, he reveals his inner Eyeore. I have often wondered what it must be like to live with someone who seems so unhappy and know that he has it good. To tolerate someone's growls and clouds and go on and make your own life joyful. To teach your children that daddy loves you dearly but is just grumpy.

That must be its own hell.

The Mighty Hunter and I have gone through our own hells before. WITH EACH OTHER. We have pushed the other away for whatever reason. But we have always waited for the other one to come out and join life again. I never doubt that The Mighty Hunter will be there for me. I will always be there for him as well.

But our friend's wife is leaving him. She refuses to make any efforts to reconcile. Yet she is still being intimate with him and has offered for him to tell the kids goodnight and "get together" with her then too.

Which will be just another hell for him.

The story is much more complicated than I can even describe. I have suspicions that go beyond an affair. I wish I didn't think these things about her. I wish that we had been able to become the kind of friends that tell the hard truths with love. I wish I could go kick her selfish tail.

I wish those kids weren't about to experience the hell that lies in front of them.

My heart breaks for them in a completely different way.

Pray with me, please.

1 comment:

Super B's Mom said...

Oh wow. Talk about heavy. My heart breaks for those children. It's going to be a tough road. I hope and pray the mother doesn't "alter" the way the children view their Dad.

I will certainly lift this family up in prayer.