Monday, December 25, 2006

Ode to Pregnancy
Movement One - Complaints, Whines and Irritations
"Remind me again WHY I got pregnant"

Cutting my toe nails.

Tying shoes.

Pulling up socks.

Bending over and straightening up again.

Saggy pants.

Saggy pants that pull down my sad underwear.

Sitting on any surface other than a couch, recliner or bed.

Groin pain. ("What the heck????")

Left hip occasionally not wanting to work.


Needing to relieve gas.

Wishing I hadn't relieved my gas.

Hiding because gas relieved itself without warning.

"No, I don't sthmell that. My nosthe is sthopped up. sthorry."

What foods causes gas?

If I stop eating, and got a feeding tube inserted directly into my stomach (now residing in my ribcage), I'd still have gas.

Needing to be burped by my husband - bless his heart.

What is Peanut DOING? Rolling around inside me like he's trying to get away from something!

Falling asleep in the middle of a blog post.

Wishing I could fall asleep when I lie down in bed.

Groin pain.

Not slapping the next person who lies to me and says "You look so cute!" "You don't look like you're 3 mos!" "You're all belly! You've hardly gained an ounce!"

30 pounds times 16 ounces/lb = 480 ounces!!!!

Not feeling cute in any way whatsoever.

Feeling like a deformed Brahma bull

Getting the sick pleasure of telling a time-share sales guy that I'm NOT pg, I'm fat! (I've been waiting for that one!)

Needing a nap within an hour of waking in the morning.


Feet going to sleep for no apparent reason.

Groin pain.

Wishing I had My Friend Rachel closer to home (home = ME) so that we could be big pg together. "Hey, Rach! Minnesota sucks!"

Not feeling like doing ANYTHING!!!

Strange belly distortions and bulges and wiggles and jiggles and jumps.

Playing "Name that lump."

Marge-Simpson-overbite-looking outie belly button.

Groin pain.



Diarrhea starting before the relief of constipation.


Gut bomb meals.

Groin pain.

Not being able to full-on hug The Mighty Hunter and Stinkerbell like I used to.

Not being able to carry Stinkerbell in my arms (she's a really tall 5 y-o).

Not knowing that I will be able to enjoy Stinkerbell's 6th birthday to the fullest.

Wishing I could give more of myself to Stinkerbell instead of falling asleep on the couch while sitting next to her wiggly self, watching tv.

Not sleeping the night through.

Living in a state where I lack that sense of control that I've protected so long.

Groin pain.

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