Tuesday, September 12, 2006

I'm a failure. But so is DH. So at least I'm not alone in my miserable dumbness.

note: this was originally written in September 2006. For some crazy, kindergarten-failing-parent reason, I never clicked that elusive "PUBLISH" button. So, enjoy it only 6 months late!

Last night was open house at DD's school. She has a wonderful kindergarten teacher. She enjoys going to school every day and has made some new friends. She seems to be doing her work well too.

It's a good thing DD is intelligent. I came to that realization last week when I looked in her backpack at her papers from that day. I knew that she was probably going to be on her own in the homework department.

Mommy can't do kindergarten homework. Bless my heart.

I sat her down to get her started on her homework sheet and was about to read the instructions (which I couldn't understand) to her. She says "Just let me do it, I know how."

And she did her homework without me reading the instructions. The instructions that I didn't understand.

So last night at open house, DH and I asked her teacher how she was doing. We were very reassured that she was doing well with her reading and her math. The reading readiness tests were finished and her tests results placed her in the Green Reading Group.

Green Reading Group. My daughter is a Green Reading Group reader.

I tried very very hard to hide my utter confusion. But it was probably very clear that I didn't have the first CLUE what the Green Reading Group meant.

Cuz I didn't! (for the record, neither did DH!)

So, I admitted: "DD's our first kid in school. We don't know nuthin' 'bout no colored readin' groups. Is that there green good or bad?"

DD's teacher, bless HER heart, smiled and said "Well, it's like it has always been. There are 3 reading groups, red, yellow and green. And Red Birds are, well, Red Birds." (poor ignorant hill-billies, their child will need every spare minute of my time and attention to compensate for their ignorance and pure stupidity)

"So, DD is in the Green Reading Group and is not a Red Bird. Is that good?"

(Clearly, in addition to being world-class stupid, these parents have a significant amount of hearing loss; probably due to shooting catfish in a barrel with a shotgun and having faulty exhaust systems on their dilapidated pickup truck.) "Well, I can show you her DIBELS score." Thinking quickly, she explained that DIBELS is the reading test they give each student in the state to determine their reading level. "She had the 2nd highest score in the class. She's doing really well. She'll finish all her reading tests before the end of the school year." (No thanks to her genetics or her home environment.)

"Why wasn't she the highest score? Dadnabbit!"

I've embellished the conversation a little bit. But the truth is, neither of us still know WHY a Red Bird is still a Red Bird, "just like it always has been." And the truth is that I really was frustrated that her DIBELS score was only the 2nd highest in the class. I want her to be first and the smartest and the best.

It is sooooo hard to not be a drill sargent and make her do 2 hours of Hooked on Phonics every night.

Well, not really. It's kind of mind numbing, which is why I gave up on it after 30 days. That and she rebelled against me being her "teacher."

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