Sunday, July 22, 2007

After these messages

I simply must share what just was said over our late Sunday morning breakfast.

The fact that this breakfast occurred at 11 am should tell you two things. 1. We did not go to church. SINNERS REPENT! 2. We slept very late but will still probably find a way to nap this afternoon. Even the Lord rested on Sunday. Who am I to argue against that logic?

So, The Mighty Hunter had the tv on, as it always is. And, naturally, it was tuned to the Outdoor Channel or the new hunting channel MOR - which I lovingly refer to as the MORON channel.

Odd to think that The Mighty Hunter doesn't laugh at that particular joke.

anyhoo.

There is a commercial on these channels for some deer hunting lure. Let's just call it piss in a bottle.

Cause that's just what it is.

This particular commercial talks about collecting this piss at the moment that a buck deer has tried to, um, err, um, mount the doe.

For those of you not familiar with the life of a deer hunter, a buck is the boy deer; a doe is the girl deer; and the mounting of a doe is exactly what it sounds like. And the piss of doe at all stages of her fertility (estrus) cycle has different effects on the bucks.

But the piss of a doe who is, shall we say, ripe and ready is like beer goggles for the buck. It wil make the ugliest doe a complete hottie.

So, someone who has no dignity left and doesn't mind the extremely nasty and humiliating task of collecting said piss has developed quite a booming business.

And here is where I talk about the deer p*rn.

This one commercial has a picture of a buck mounting his hottie. Earlier this week, I told The Mighty Hunter that this was a disturbing commercial and didn't feel comfortable looking at a picture of deer "getting it on."

We had a good laugh. Neither of us needed a cold shower. Life moved on.

Then as we were having breakfast, this same commercial came on.

And Stinkerbell saw it.

And Stinkerbell saw the deer p*rn picture.

And I gave him "the look". You know the look. The one that says "where's the clicker? why do you have to watch deer p*rn? find the clicker FAST! oh crap. it's too late. she's already seen it. what do we do now? ignore it? explain it? wait. pretend to be deaf and blind. yes. deaf and blind. just don't laugh."

And Stinkerbell says "look at that buck! he's on the girl's back! what's he doing there?"

don't laugh

don't answer her

pretend she didn't say anything at all.

don't make eye contact.

isn't there ANYTHING I can point out to her?

don't laugh

We manage a good 30 seconds before The Mighty Hunter manages to say "and there went an uncomfortable silence."

deer p*rn.

What's this world coming to?

I suppose this is what we get for not getting our butts to church this morning. This is one of those times when being Catholic and having confession would be handy.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned. I've looked at deer p*rn 4 times this week. I didn't enjoy it. I promise, but I feel guilty all the same. I feel so dirty. Dirty and guilty.

8 comments:

Blue Momma said...

I wish I had thought of the MORon channel! The same crap is on at my parents house 24/7.

I always thought those hunting shows sounded like porn anyway. If you heard all of the grunting and ooohing and aahing they do over shooting a deer from another room (and you weren't from Alabama!) you'd swear they were watching porn.

I will do my best to miss the real deer porn though.

moosh in indy. said...

Does it need to be shown? Because after a certain age I'm pretty sure we ALL know what animals humping looks like.
Hunters, hmmm.

My Minivan Is Faster Than Yours said...

OMG that is SO funny. BTW a very education post. I learned lots and lots :-).

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

OUr husbands would get along splendidly.

and deer p*rn, that's some ki_nky stuff!

willblogforshoes said...

Oooh, I'll think twice before skipping church! Maybe if I do, I just won't turn on the TV.

You're so funny!

BTW, I know you're on bloggy-break, but you need to come by & enter my contest!

Super B's Mom said...

Ahhhh...deer p*rn. I can't stop laughing.

Super Dad once had a bottle of the stuff leak out in his duffle bag. NOT.NICE.

This reminds me of a time when Super B & I were in the car and he said, "Mommy, how did I get out of your belly?" After a painfully long pause, I replied, "Well... there's a special place they come out." "Mommy, did they cut me out of your tummy like they did Sissy?" (his aunt who had a C-Section)

"Um...no..not exactly....HEY LOOK! A CHICKEN!!!!"

I'm a Mom!..? said...

Distraction in key in those situations..

Came across your blog, love it, and love me some Auburn football!

War Eagle Baby!

HowToMe said...

War Eagle!
from a Born and raised Auburn Girl :-)