Friday, April 11, 2008

a couple of things

This post may stretch into a long one, so prepare yourself with your favorite drink and a snack.

The Mighty Hunter and I have been having a discussion lately. It's a well-intended one, without malice or frustration or resentment. Full of "don't do this for me" and "do this for yourself".

A little background would be helpful...

I am not a really big person. 5'6". 135 lbs. Long arms and legs and pointy faced. (I'm aware that I've just described the Grinch. And, for some reason, it doesn't bother me.) I've been accused of being taller than I really am. I blame it on being "willowy" and "limby" and very clumsy for my size.

I wear a size 6 jeans again (as long as they have the appropriate amount of lycra to allow for them to stretch out and, you know, fit.) I like a fitted t-shirt and usually buy a size small to keep from looking sloppy and like I just rolled out of bed.

Although I may have just rolled out of bed and probably still look that way even when I put forth a lot of effort.

I have some nice-sized , shapely thighs (read: flabby, out-of-shape). My butt is not that round, sexy J-Lo shape. It's more of the wide-hipped, flabby, get-off-your-butt-and-quit-blogging shape. I'm padded on the sides more than the bottom.

I'm not an unhealthy shape or size, but I'm most definitely NOT athletic or "in shape".

If I could take the slim-ness (I just made that word up - yo!) of my upper body and shape my legs and hips in the same way, I'd actually be pretty slim and fit-looking.

The skin on my tummy is stretched from having carried two good-sized babies inside it (8.5lbs and 9 lbs). But God blessed me with strong ab muscles and a decently strong back (which might explain the big babies), so I'm pretty firm in the tummy - even if the skin is a little, shall we say, "loose" there.

Diet tip alert: Should you want to know how I dropped 10lbs and firmed my ab muscles in a week, I totally recommend the flu, followed up with pneumonia. There's nothing like a failed appetite and constant spasms of coughs to get your abs ready for those tummy-bearing swimsuits.

So, my point - and I do have one... I'm not a chesty person. I was not blessed (or cursed, depending on the amount of blessing) with large b00bs. While I nursed Lucky, I enjoyed a large chest and having shirts that actually fit. I finally grew accustomed to men looking at my b00bs.

Before last summer, I had never had to deal with wondering why it took so long to read the print on my tshirts. But with the milk b00bs, I learned what this was like.

Alas, all good things come to an end, and in November, I weined (weaned?) Lucky. He transitioned to formula and a bottle without any difficulty and my milk b00bs shriveled up.


When I lay down at night, I'm completely flat chested. The breast tissue stretched out completely and lost all its elasticity and fullness. To put on my bra, I have to wiggle them around until they are in the small, very padded B cups. I have the b00bs of a 70 year-old woman... wrinkled, shriveled, flabby, flat, droopy and SAD.

The Mighty Hunter has told me that if I'm really as unhappy as I say I am, I should go see a surgeon and get myself some new b00bs. He says he's happy with me and my b00bs as they are. But lemmetellya, he'd better say that. He's not that stupid. But I feel sure that he'd love it if I had some cleavage.




So, what do you think?

I'm through with having babies - unless God has something in mind that He has notified me about yet.

Here, in concise bullet form, are some random positives and negatives about the whole b00b job thing...

  • the things/opinions I've had about other girls who've had b00b jobs already.

  • the risk (low, but still a calculable risk) of having elective surgery.

  • the whole "she died and left her children without a mother for a nice rack."

  • the whole "she is soooo vain" thing.

  • why can't I be content with my body as it has evolved through and because of motherhood.

  • how big should I go?

  • is it worth it?

Since you are my closest and dearest friends that I've never met, ahem, share your thoughts and opinions on this with me.

1 comment:

jennifer said...

I plan of getting B00bs one day. The way I look at it, if I'm going to go under the knife, I'm going big. Not Pamela Anderson big, but big enough.

Go for it.

We're ALL a little vain.